Dirty Little Secret // jensoo

Chapter 9 - END

She still counts the Friday's. Lisa and Chaeyoung have long since given up on convincing Jennie to stop being a masochist and find Jisoo. But besides her initial fear when she realized she was in love, besides her refusal to jump into a new relationship right after her previous one ended, Jennie decided not to find Jisoo because it didn't feel right. She felt like Jisoo deserved better. Better than someone who had left her hanging for a month.

Hell, months. Because even before everything went to shit, she was leading Jisoo on. She was pretending there was nothing but sex between them, even though some days she simply wanted Jisoo's company more than anything else.

Jisoo deserved someone who wasn't going to hide their feelings for her, and Jennie didn't feel like she could be that person. Even now that she had no reason to hide them anymore.

But she still counts the Friday's. Still counts all the weeks she's been without Jisoo. It feels a little like penance.

///

The time Jennie spent frantically painting after the last time she was with Jisoo, and the time she spent after that – feeling more creative than ever – have resulted in Jennie's biggest exhibition to date.

Looking around her gallery she feels proud, more so than she ever has before. Each of the pieces displayed are gorgeous and almost none of them are in the same style or theme. There's something for everyone. It's a diversity she never really thought herself capable of.

The exhibition is a full house, with people even waiting outside to be let in. She sold four paintings within an hour of opening. Jennie feels giddy. But there's another part of her, a constant voice in her head, that's beckoning her to constantly look around the room, always in search of a familiar face.

Instinctively she knows Jisoo won't come. And she has honestly no idea how she would respond if she did. She wants to see her, craves to hear her voice or feel her touch again, but she's also scared. And unsure of what she'd even say.

So every time she looks around and doesn't spot Jisoo, she is both disappointed and relieved. It's often a dull feeling, considering the night is going so well and she's mostly occupied with talking to guests who are eager to buy pieces. Nearing the end of the evening almost every painting has a little orange dot stickered on the frame, signifying its status as sold.

As the crowd slims and the room becomes pleasantly quiet, the feeling of missing Jisoo becomes stronger. She can only imagine how excited she'd be for Jennie, how proud. Her chest aches with the knowledge, and loss.

"Hey," there's a soft hand on her shoulder and Jennie turns to see Lisa smile gently at her. She squeezes her hand, silently thanking for all the help that evening.

"Hey."

"The last guest just left, so Chaeng and I are going to head home too, okay?" Jennie nods. They had agreed to clean most of the stuff up during the last hour of the exhibition and leave the rest for the next morning.

"Thanks for everything." Jennie smiles.

"Anytime." Lisa nods, clearly wanting to say more but hesitating. Eventually, she sighs, her shoulders slumping. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Jennie knows what she means, knows Lisa and Chaeyoung must have seen her looking around, searching. She's torn on what to say. On the hand she is, on the other she isn't. She hasn't really been okay for months, but she's slowly getting there. Painting and selling and actually being able to live off her hobby are helping her be okay. Lisa and Chaeyoung are helping her be okay. She isn't quite there yet, but she's confident that one day she will.