This Boy And The Depression That Comes With It

Chapter Thirty Four

"Thank you for letting me stay with you guys until my dad gets things figured out. I really appreciate it." I've been thanking Dakota's mom since he got released from the hospital. We've decided not to tell her about the baby just yet. We don't want anyone to know until it becomes obvious. The only people who know so far are Dr. Adaams, Jake, Dakota and I. We'll tell his mother soon enough, just not today. Too much has gone on to worry about that right now. "Don't worry about it, sweetie. You are always welcome to stay with us. I'm sorry to hear about your mother, dear." She gives a sympathetic smile and continues cleaning off the table from dinner.

I climb up the stairs and start towards Dakota's room. When I'm about to turn the knob to open the door, I see another open door across the hall. Out of curiosity, I walk over to the doorway, only to find none other than Jake, sitting on the edge of his bed, playing guitar.

"So what's your story, Jake?" I ask, stepping further into the room. "What do you mean?" He asks, strumming another cord. "I mean, where have you been? You just kind of appeared out of no where. I didn't even know Dakota had a brother, until you told me otherwise today." He scoffs, sets down his guitar and looks up at me. "I'm in college. I came back today to see the family, while I'm on break. I don't come around much anymore. Ever since my father died, I kind of just kept my distance from this place. Too many memories, ya know?" He picks the guitar back up and starts to play a familiar song. It's a song my mother used to sing to me when I was little. I smile at the memories. "If you don't mind me asking, what are you gonna do now? I mean, you're not going back to that house, are you?

"I hadn't really thought about it much, to be honest." I guess what Jake said makes sense. My mother and I have had too many memories in that house, for me to go back there. Living there, without her, would be too much for me to handle. "I don't really have much of a choice though. Whatever my father decides to do is what I do."

"That's a shame. You should just be allowed to stay here, with us. Koda told me about your father, and I don't think it's safe for you to be living with him. Especially while you're pregnant." I was not expecting him to say that. Dakota had no right saying anything to his brother about my daddy issues. "I mean, if he's really as bad as Dakota let on, then you should try to legally get out of his custody. I'm sure my mom would be more than happy to take you in, if you'd like." He states, still playing the song. "That's actually not a bad idea, but he could go to jail, and I don't want that. I just lost my mom. I can't lose him too."

Sitting down on the bed, I sing along to the cords he plays. 

"Lord, don't you know?

She's my angel.

You've got plenty of your own

And I know you'll hold

a place for her,

but she's already got a home.

Well, I don't know if you're listening,

but praying's all that's left to do,

so I ask you lord,

have mercy,

You've lost a son once too.

And it must be kind of crowded

on the streets of heaven. 

So tell me, 

what do you need her for?"

Jake stops playing and looks at me. "You know that song?" I nod my head yes. Of course I know that song. That was a silly question. "Yeah. It was my moms favorite song for as long as I can remember. She use to sing it to me, every night, before bed. Her soft voice was so lovely and comforting that it always put me right to sleep." I smile, remembering a time when I was seven. "When I was about seven, I became severely ill. I was bedridden for two months and the doctors said I was a lost cause. They never were too sure about what was wrong with me, but it must have been something bad, for them to just give up, right? Well, anyway, my mom would always be in my room. She never did leave my side. One night, her beautiful voice started to serenade me to an, at the time, unfimiliar song. It was that song, and it was the first time she'd ever sang it to me. I was drifting off to sleep, when my mother kissed my forehead and said something that hasn't left my mind since. She said that if anything were to happen to me, if I died, that she would die too. Which is very sweet, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, it's very morbid. For my own mother to tell me that she would kill herself if I died, just off herself, as if I was the only thing keeping her in this world, is a very morbid thought, and it's a lot of pressure on me.

"And now that she's gone, her words have been dancing around in my mind more than ever. I understand now what she meant. I feel as though without her here, I have no reason to be alive. But I know that's not actually true. I have more than just my mother. I have great friends, and an amazing boyfriend, and now, I have this beautiful child growing inside of me. Sure, my mother is very dear to me, and without her, I am lost, but I have the help of Dakota. I know I'm not alone in this world, so I have no desire to leave it." That's probably a little more information than he wanted to hear, but I just really love talking about my mother, and all of the memories we shared. "You have me too, ya know. I'm always here to help you through anything, Marissa. I'll be staying here for a while, so if you ever need somebody to talk to, other than Dakota, you can always come to me. My door is always open."

"Thank you." I hug him and start walking toward the door. "You have a beautiful voice, by the way, Marissa. I guess you got that from your mom." He winks, causing me to smile and I go back to Dakota's room.

I open the door, to find Dakota sitting on his bed, playing xBox. "Hey, what took you so long babe?" I grab the other controller and join his game. "I was talking to Jake."