He's Not My Type

18

Elijah glances around his empty flat.
The others are all still out at the pub to celebrate Leigh-Anne's new tattoo, so it's just him and Christian.
Christian is silent as he looks around. Elijah fidgets with the bracelets around his wrist and wonders how the place looks to Christian's eyes. It's clean, mostly organized, and it came furnished with nice, new sofas and beds and wardrobes when they'd moved in last autumn. There's a full kitchen. It's just about the opposite of Christian's cramped terrace.
They've shared it a year but there isn't much decoration. That would normally have Elijah's job, but he'd spent so many nights over at Nick's that he'd never bothered to do much. And now, well, Shawn's going back to Toronto at the end of the summer and they haven't even decided if they're keeping it after that.
"Tea?" Elijah offers. "Or a beer? Or, um, we have wine spritzer?"
Christian raises his eyebrows. "Spritzer?"
Elijah bites his lip.
"Tea'd be brilliant, babe," Christian says softly.
So Elijah goes to set up the kettle and Christian trails after him to the kitchen. He gestures to the drawer when Christian asks where the tea is, and Christian lets out a surprised laugh.
"You've got a Londoner, an Irishman and a Canadian here. Who's the Yorkshire drinker?"
"It's you." Elijah takes the box of Yorkshire tea from Christian's hands and grabs a couple of mugs from the cupboard.
"Me?"
"In case you ever came over."
Elijah avoids Christian's eyes, well aware he's thinking the same thing Elijah is, that he'd never invited him over.
He hadn't wanted Pieter to find them here. But also he hadn't wanted Christian to see the fairy lights up in his room, the nail varnish on the top of his desk.
And, more than that, hadn't wanted to have to remember Christian in this space after everything ended.
"There should be some milk in the fridge unless Shawn forgot it was his turn to buy more."
Christian is still staring at him. "I don't understand, H. You broke up with me. And then you went out and bought my tea?"
Elijah cringes at the "broke up". Maybe he should be happy that means that Christian thought what they had was a relationship to "break up" from. But instead it makes him feel so miserable and so wrong.
When Elijah doesn't answer, Christian just stuffs a tea bag in one mug and then looks back in the drawer. "What do you want, love?"
Elijah doesn't really drink tea but he says, "Um. Same." He grabs for the kettle and is about to pour it but then hesitates. "This is how you like it, yeah? Water first. Milk, no sugar?"
"Yeah," Christian says quietly. "That's exactly how I like it."


Elijah draws his legs up onto the bed, socked toes digging into the duvet as he wraps his arms around his knees.
Christian is on the other side, legs crossed, mug held between his hands. Elijah's own tea is cooling untouched on the bedside table.
Christian looks so tired, eyes sunken, cheekbones somehow more prominent than they had been just over a week ago.
"Lou," Elijah breaks the silence. And Christian looks up, blue eyes meeting his. "We don't have to talk now. You look so tired. You could just sleep here. I'll take the sofa."
"Don't reckon I'll be able to sleep without knowing..." He looks away and then back at Elijah. "Hazza, why am I here? Is this just to do a proper, it's not you, it's me?"
Elijah hesitates, then he says honestly, quietly, "I don't know."
Christian sighs and turns his mug around in his hands. "Look, it's alright. I wasn't expecting this to last as long as it did."
Elijah feels his heart sink, chest tightening. But you kept the orange sticker, he wants to protest.
"I know I'm not the sort of guy you usually go for." Christian looks pointedly down at the tattoos going up his bare arms. "Pieter warned me, you know. You date doctors and poets and I reckon your ex was a proper twat, but he was a lecturer at least and I'm just some punk lad who failed his A-levels."
"Lou," Elijah says, heart breaking.
"But then we got on well. So well, didn't we? Course, I knew you were holding back, but -" He raises his eyes to Elijah. "But then you kissed me. And I thought maybe you felt it, too."
Elijah feels his mouth going dry. "Felt what, Lou?"
Christian doesn't answer, just shakes his head. "H, why am I here tonight?"
Elijah doesn't even know how to start explaining and so he just ends up blurting out, "I want babies."
"Babies?" Christian repeats, eyes widening slightly.
"Lots of babies," Elijah says. "At least three. And not in ten years from now. I know m'young but I don't need to wait or figure things out."
"Alright?"
Elijah tries to think, to collect his thoughts, but they come out all out of order anyways. "Also, I'm not your type." He gestures up to the fairy lights. "I'm the type of boy who has fairy lights in his bedroom and I don't even like beer and I wear nail polish sometimes."
Christian just watches him.
"And I want a wedding and a house and babies and a cat and maybe a dog, too. I want everything." If this is the end, he might as well rip it off like a plaster. So he takes a shaky breath and says, "Lou, I want all of that with you. I know it's too soon to say any of this, but this is who I am. You're the best person I've ever met. And I saw you with the girl in the shop that morning and you were so good with her and I realized that all I could picture was you there with me for all those things. I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you."
Christian's looks utterly staggered, eyes wide, mouth dropped open.
"You don't have to say anything," Elijah says after a miserable moment of silence. "I know this is too much-"
"For me, it was when you showed me your tattoo," Christian interrupts, gripping his mug tightly. "I was infatuated with you from the moment I first saw you. I couldn't get you off my mind. But when you showed me your tattoo, that's when I knew."
"Knew?" Elijah repeats weakly.
Christian gives Elijah a small smile. "You were being all dramatic about it, saying you only had one and you'd given it a lot of thought because you wanted it to be something you'd never regret. And then you bent down - honestly, thought you might've been about to show me your arse - but instead you just took off your shoe."
Elijah knows the ending to the story. It had taken Christian a good ten minutes to stop laughing at the word 'big' written proudly over the top of his big toe.
"And, yeah, that was when I knew." Christian turns his mug around in his hands before meeting his eyes again. "H, if you have feelings for me, whatever you feel - I promise you, I'm right there, too. I'm probably past you."
Elijah tightens his arms around his knees. "Lou, but we're not - don't we want different things, though?"
"Do we?"
"I mean, Richard said..."
"He said what?"
"That first night at your place, he said that you were just into casual hook ups," Elijah says. "Remember?"
Christian stares at him blankly for a long moment, then his eyes widen in what looks like realization. "Haz, my last relationship was a while ago, I reckon, and, yeah, I've brought lads back a couple of times, but. Fuck." He runs an agitated hand through his hair. "Does that really bother you?"
"No, Lou, that's not, that's fine-"
"Payno was cranky that night, and he was just being a dick. You know that, yeah?" Christian's eyes widen further. "You don't know that. Did you think - you couldn't have thought that was ever about you, could you?"
He sets his tea on the bedside table. His hands are shaky and a bit sloshes over the side. Then he leans forwards, touching Elijah's arms where they're still wrapped around his knees.
"But you did, didn't you?"
Elijah can't help but nod.
"Darling, but you're so, so special. You're so special to me." Christian scoots closer, tightening his grip on his forearms. "What did I do to make think that? I'm sorry-"
"No, Lou, don't say sorry," Elijah stops him, chest tight on a choked back sob. "I'm sorry. I'm the idiot here. I didn't even ask you."
"No, you didn't. But you're asking now, aren't you? Fuck. All right, babe, let me make this clear," Christian says, still looking intently into his eyes. "I know I'm not as 'mature' as the men you're used to being with. But if you're trying to scare me off by talking about commitment and babies - you'll have to come up with something else, because that's not going to work."
"Really?" Elijah asks in a small voice.
Christian nods, not taking his eyes off him.
"I don't want to scare you off, Lou," Elijah says.
"I'm not scared."
"I am," Elijah says quietly.
"Yeah, I can see that," Christian rubs his hands up Elijah's arms. "That's okay."
Elijah releases his tight hug around his knees and moves his legs so Christian can scoot even closer.
Christian's eyes are steady as he takes Elijah's face between his hands. "I really want to kiss you. Can I?"
"Please."
Christian leans in and presses his lips to his. Elijah bunches his hands in Christian's t-shirt, gripping tight. For how heart-pounding, desperate Elijah still feels, it's a soft kiss. It's as gentle as their first.
When he pulls away, Elijah looks into his eyes for a long moment.
"Um, Lou. I need to know. Is it a problem that I'm, um. Not a top?"
"That you're not a... top?"
"I'm not a top," Elijah repeats, a little more loudly. He licks his lips and tries to look away, which is hard with Christian being so close. "I mean, I've never topped. I'm not opposed to trying it, but I might not be very good at it." He hesitates. "I just thought you should know."
"You're not a top," Christian repeats. And then he laughs. It's not cruel, though, it's a laugh of relief, and Elijah can see the way his body relaxes for the first time that night. "Darling, you never have to do anything you don't like. Not with anyone. Definitely not with me."
"But what about you, though?" Elijah bites his lip. "You're a bottom."
"I am?" Christian raises his eyebrows. "Because I have a big one?"
"No," Elijah insists.
"Then, why? Because I'm not that big a guy?"
Christian seems more amused than offended, at least. But Elijah feels like an even greater idiot right now, if that is even possible. "You said you liked it, though. When I was touching your arse the other day."
"What?" Christian laughs. "Haz, I love it when you touch me anywhere."
Elijah bites his lip.
"I don't want anything you don't." Christian traces Elijah's lower lip with the callused tip of his finger. "I promise. And, for the record, babe?"
"Yeah?"
"It's really more about the person than the position for me."
"And the person-" Elijah starts.
"You," Christian says. He leans in to kiss him again. "You're the person."


They kiss until they get too sleepy to kiss any more. Elijah wakes up in the morning overheated and uncomfortable because they'd fallen asleep without even taking their clothes off, but he doesn't care because Christian's arms are wrapped around his waist and his nose is nudging at the back of his neck.