Unrelated 91 Days Oneshots

ritual- Frate

This is about Frate masturbating while thinking about his siblings and Vanno, so yeah, that about summarizes the warnings.

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I'm so fucked up.

That is the first thing Frate thinks when he settles at night, and it's almost like it's part of a ritual. First, he must acknowledge how fucked up he is, and only then is he allowed to actually engage in his fucked up behavior. This ritual is starting to become a nighty occurrence.

Once he's gotten that out of the way, he lays back and he starts to think about his brother.

Frate always thinks of his brother first; they're supposed to be rivals, he thinks. Nero has everything he doesn't, he thinks. He gets away with everything, and he has everything, and he is everything Frate wishes he could be. And he knows he shouldn't desire him, only desire to be him, but he always finds himself in this position, laying back on his bed and taking his erection into his hand.

Why do I get like this when I think about him?

No matter how hard he tries, he's never been able to answer that question or to change himself, and he always falls back into this ritual. He always ends up thinking about his older brother, and his charming smile and the way he is always better at everything he tries. And he always ends up thinking about what it might be like to be closer to him, closer than brothers should be, and what it would feel like to be able to touch him...

His breath catches in his throat, and it is usually at this point that Fio enters his fantasies at well. He isn't sure if it's better or worse that he fantasizes about his sister; almost definitely worse, but he wants to feel better about the fact that he's at least thinking about a woman this time.

His sister is different from Nero, because he was always close to her. When Nero would run off with Vanno, and when Vanno would tease Fio mercilessly, the two of them would group together, and after their mother passed, Fio did all she could to hold the family together. She is an amazing woman, and more beautiful than anyone he knows, and he's so fucked up for desiring her.

He thinks about her and Nero embracing, he thinks about watching as their lips meet, he thinks about them holding each other so intimately before they turn to him with the most inviting smiles on their faces. Part of him is jealous of Nero, for being the one who gets to hold Fio like that, but, then, he wants to hold Nero as well.

But in his imagination, they're waiting for him to join them, and he wants to, but his fantasy disintegrates before it can go much further than that. After all, there is one more person he has to think about, another factor to his nightly ritual. Vanno Clemente is not his brother, but he has been there for as long as Frate can remember, and he is Nero's best friend and it's obvious that he loves Fio, and maybe someday they'll get married, so he might as well be.

And so, it feels just as fucked up as fantasizing about either of his siblings, and when he combines them all, it is more fucked up than anything he can imagine. When he starts his fantasy back up, the image is different this time, and it is a very abrupt change of pace from the muted scene he imagined before.

He isn't sure how they would actually work out the position in real life, but he doesn't focus on those details when he fantasizes. All he knows is that Vanno would be fucking him while he fucked Fio and while he sucked Nero off, and he would be in between the three of them, the center of their attention at last.

He can hear their voices in his mind, and Vanno tells him how proud he is, and how he's so much better than his brother, than his sister, and neither of them seem to mind this at all. Rather, Fio tells him that he's good and that she loves him very much, and Nero tells him that he's proud, that he's more proud of him than he's ever been, and Frate knows that this is not the family he should want, but here he is, and he's getting closer by the second.

He can hardly breathe now, and he thinks about Fio's soft skin and Nero's rough hands and Vanno's cheerful, easygoing voice, and the way he is able to serve them all at once, the way, with enough effort, he is able to satisfy them all, and the way they all admire him for it. They could never do it themselves, they say, and he forgets his guilt as he allows himself to be proud of the Frate in the fantasy, who has all their attention and all of their love.

Nero is proud of him and he is proud of himself.

Fio loves him and he loves himself.

Vanno admires him and he admires himself.

He desires them all sexually because he is growing up and he is growing up confused, and as his feelings get tangled, this becomes the only way he is able to think about them and cope with the tangle of feelings he experiences as he grows into himself and grows to understand his discomfort with his family and the man he is becoming. And so, he follows through with this ritual almost nightly, fantasizing about his brother and then his sister, and then the man who should be like a brother to him, and he knows that he is so fucked up that it goes beyond words, but he can't stop.

When he comes, crying out in a broken and pathetic voice, he is brought back to the cold and harsh reality of what he's just done, and he knows that no amount of prayer will ever resolve him of his guilt. He has gone too far, and done things that no boy should ever do, and he can't fix the part of himself that has become so fucked up. The pleasure of the afterglow does not even reach him anymore, as this has become so much like an addiction that there is no enjoyment, and being brought back to reality only reminds him that his fantasies are nothing.

Just like me, they might as well be nonexistant.

He promises himself that, one day, he's going to break this cycle, but until then, until he finds a replacement, he knows that he'll be trapped like this. Until then, he will be trapped thinking about his brother, about his sister, and about the man who might as well be his brother, and might be someday, and he waits for the day he finds someone new who can stir up those sorts of desires in him and cure him.

When Fio does not marry Vanno, and when she instead marries Ronaldo Galassia, Frate is not surprised that he finds himself still unable to escape himself, and his ritual changes again.