Honestly Sincere

2

☁︎ chapter two ☁︎

His tall six-foot frame towered over my five foot and four inches making me feel immediately intimidated.

He was wearing a plain white v-neck that fit him nicely and on top was a loose navy with thin white striped flannel. He wore dark blue denim jeans that I doubt no other boy could pull off any better. His wrists held a Nixon Rover watch along with a few other leather bracelets.

And oh my god his face.

His bright light blue eyes looked dead and empty while his eyebrows were dark and arched. His olive skin was clear and clean-shaven except for a couple of freckles sprinkled on top his nose. His lips almost hid his straight gleaming white teeth and his jawline was angled sharp.

The ends of his mouth were brought into a scowl when he noticed I was looking back at him for a bit too long.

God certainly took his time with this one.

"Watch it, fucker. Can't you see I'm right here?"

My eyes widen and I felt like my heart jumped out of my chest. His good looks and my short period of fascination snatched away at an instant.

I open my mouth but close it back again before swerving past him, running back to my seat.

I can almost hear him mutter under his breath, "Yeah, that's what I thought."

My cheeks are set ablaze and my whole body is on fire in embarrassment of what had just happened. My hands can't stop shaking and my breathing is speeding up to fast. I feel like there's something heavy on my chest as I'm slightly slouched, my mind repeatedly telling me to focus but I just can't.

I'm having a full blown anxiety attack and everybody's watching me. On the first day of school. Crud.

From the corner of my eye, I can see Wilma yank her feet back onto the floor as she brought my hands back into a familiar hold. Her darkened eyes look straight into my eyes as she is whispering quietly in a calm tone.

"Deep breaths, Tara. Take deep, deep breaths."

Wilma begins and carries throughout our practiced breathing exercise until I finally calm down. My hands are still shaking but I felt comfortable enough to tell her I was fine. She cautiously removed her grip and relaxed her shoulders.

By now, everybody was back to what they were doing, partly because Wilma had periodically stared off back at our classmates and their eyes scurried away in fear.

I slump back into my chair, repeating the same breathing exercise on my own to make sure I was a hundred percent ok. My hands violently rub against my thighs producing red sensitive skin but I didn't care. A rush of negative thoughts came into my head and I can't get them out.

"Tara, seriously, do you need to go to the nurse?"

I shake my head quickly. The last time I went to the school nurse for an anxiety attack, the nurse gave me an ice pack.

I take out my water bottle from the side of my backpack and start chugging the liquid down.

My anxiety attacks usually last either an hour to days but confrontations like these won't be the latter.

"I just... need to just calm down on my own. Thank you, Wilma."

She nods uneasily but turns away anyways.

I rest my head on my table and close my eyes. I try repeating a couple tricks my therapist has taught me that has been successful in the past. I go over a couple of muscle relaxation techniques and moved towards picturing myself in a more happy place.

I suddenly feel the bottoms of my feet touching warm grains of sand. The ocean breeze sweeps past my body and runs its hands through my hair making me close my eyes in pleasure. I take a deep breath in, smelling the salty but sweet air of my favorite beach. The sky is full of my favorite colors, which tells me the sun is about to set. Pink and light blue swirls fill the sky making me crave for the taste of cotton candy. The beautiful setting makes me feel dazed and relaxed. I see myself sitting down onto a beach towel, laying my back against the soft cloth to stare back up at the clouds.

Now this is my happy place.

Out of nowhere, a bell is ringing and my whole body shakes to the sound of it. My mind is being reeled back to reality as I lift my head back up.

Just a couple more hours, Tara. You can do this.

☁︎

It's finally lunch period and I'm not really sure if I should be happy about it. The next two classes were filled with going over classroom expectations and trimester syllabuses so they were complete and utterly boring to endure.

I step out into the hallway where a strong current of kids were speed-walking towards the cafeteria. Just by smelling the popcorn chicken from where I was standing, I could feel my stomach grumble out its own rhythm.

I now remember how Wilma had a different lunch time then I have so I won't be able to sit with anyone I know.

Something Wilma doesn't know is that when she and I don't have the same lunch, I skip it and stay in the school's library. I sometimes bring a snack with me but I usually forget to. I hold a strong sense of control over my hunger so it isn't a real struggle to tame my need for food anyways.

I keep this from Wilma because I know damn well she will bolt to her counselor's office to change her schedule so that I can eat. I don't need her to stress over something I can handle on my own so I never mention anything to her about it.

I swivel past through a couple people before I open the doors to the media center. Instantly, I'm rushed with the best scent in the world. The woodsy and musty smell that is carried around gives off a soft atmosphere all book geeks are easily lured towards, like me.

This is also a plus to coming to the library everyday. I get to spend free time during the day to read.

I walk down through the shelves, my fingers tips brushing the spines of every old, used up book. I stop whenever I saw a specific book that catches my eye. Taking out books and putting them back in after inspecting them further, I ended up with a stack of three books to read: That Hate U Give, Sawkill Girls, and Dorothy Must Die.

I dawn a smile at my books, proud of what I had collected. My mind was already spurring with curiosity and excitement for what was about to come. I brush through a couple pages of the first book I picked out as I walked back towards the front desk to check out my items.

"Oh, oh, yes, right there," a girl moans.

I jump in my spot, my books almost slipping past my fingers. Am I hearing things or did I just hear a couple getting it on in a school library? I turn my head quickly looking to see where it's coming from, my cheeks blushing right after realizing what I'm trying to do.

Before I could stop myself, then and right there, I saw Kyle. His head is dug deep into a black-haired girl's shiny long hair as the girl had her mouth a centimeter bit open with her eyes shut like she's in complete bliss.

a/n: we reached ten views y'all woohoo *\(^o^)/*

I'm watching the stranger things season 3 and someone spoiled it for me on tik tok when I'm only six episodes in so I'm big mad.