Breathe ⭐️ Reddie

18

Eddie led Richie to his room. The silence wasn't comfortable like it had been the night before. Instead, it made goosebumps form on Richie's skin and shudders run down his spine. Richie figured Eddie would immediately tell him why he was upset and what Richie had done wrong, but he stayed silent.

They didn't look at each other; Eddie's eyes were trained on his hands as he sat on his bed, and Richie leaned against the wall, staring at his feet.

Eddie wasn't sure how to start. Nothing that had happened was Richie's fault. He had just been there, and Eddie knew he fucked up by making it seem like Richie had fucked up somehow.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, I'd like to talk at some point. I'm fucking exhausted and would like to go to sleep," Richie said with a fake smile. He didn't want to stand in an awkward silence and somehow piss Eddie off more. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to run and hide in his room, to hide from the world and the new life he had been stuck in.

"I just wanted to apologize," Eddie mumbled, arms crossed.

Richie raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Yeah, I wanted to apologize. I've been an asshole all day and it upset you, and I'm really sorry."

"Wait, you're apologizing? To me?" Richie asked, confused. Where the fuck was the anger about him fucking up somehow?

Eddie rolled his eyes. "Yes I'm apologizing! Why the fuck wouldn't I be?" He was almost yelling, and Richie backed further away, standing right by the door.

"What did I do to piss you off, Eds?" Richie asked, looking worried.

Eddie felt his heart drop. God, he had fucked up bad. All day, he had figured Richie would be mad he was ignoring him. Yet, Richie had been blaming himself and thought he had done something wrong. Eddie had never wanted to jump off a building before, but now he didn't want to do anything else.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Richie."

"I must've done something. No one just decides to let someone stay in their room one night then refuses to talk to them all day. I must've done something," Richie said.

Eddie hated that Richie was so upset. Hated that he caused it. Hated that Richie's caring side was showing and that it made him like him even more.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Eddie whispered, pulling his legs to his chest. "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry," he repeated in his head. If he got emotional then Richie would feel bad, and Richie didn't have any reason to feel bad or like he had done something wrong.

Richie was confused and unsure of how to approach what Eddie was saying, but he didn't run. He walked to Eddie's bed and sat next to him, crossing his legs. Eddie's face was buried in his knees and Richie sighed. He gently placed his hand under Eddie's chin and pulled him out of hiding. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes were bloodshot and red.

"Why are you so upset? What happened?" Richie whispered.

"I'm sorry. I messed up. You didn't do anything wrong, I fucked up," Eddie responded, voice breaking.

Richie couldn't stand to see him cry. He moved so he was laying on his side and pulled Eddie to lay next to him so they were facing each other. "Why did you fuck up? What happened?"

"My dad told me that I should never choose work over someone I care about, but I don't believe him. Richie, we can't be together. I really like you, but we can't be together. My work is the only thing that's been here for me, and I can't let you be a distraction," Eddie said, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Richie stayed silent for a second, but wasn't ready to give him up. "Eds, why did you fight for me to work here?"

"Because you didn't do anything wrong and I dragged you into this."

"Yeah, but what if they had said no? What if they had sentenced me to death? What would've you done?"

Eddie stared at him blankly. He blinked and his crying seemed to stop a bit. "I would've helped you escape," he whispered.

"Isn't that going against your work? Against the Hive?"

Eddie nodded, closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at Richie.

"Open your eyes, Eddie," Richie said with a smile.

Eddie obeyed. "Yeah?" he said quietly, his voice high pitched from the tears he was holding in.

"Would you have betrayed your job to keep me alive?" Richie asked hopefully.

Eddie nodded. "Yes. I would have, but it doesn't change anything. We can't be together."

Richie felt tears burning his eyes and he let out a shaky breath before sitting up. "I'm sorry. I know there's not a rule against it, but if dating is so wrong to you, then we might as well not be around each other. I really do like you Eddie, and I do want to be with you, but I'm not going to wait if you don't want me."

Eddie let out a broken sob as Richie stood up to leave. He hated himself for letting him walk away, but couldn't bring himself to move as Richie opened the door and walked down the hall.

Eddie let himself sob, not out of sadness for himself, but out of anger. It wasn't Richie's fault, none of it was. Eddie did like Richie, and wanted nothing more than to be with him, but he couldn't.

He didn't hear the door to his room open and someone walk in, but felt the weight of another body at the end of his bed. He looked up, hoping it was Richie, but saw Bev sitting, looking both angry and disappointed.

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture," he said, choking on a sob.

"Too bad. Eddie, I've known you nine years, and I respect you, but you're a fucking dumbass," Bev said. Eddie could see the angry fire in her eyes.

"Why can't anyone see that we can't be together except me?! It's against rules and it's distracting!" he yelled, getting angrier.

"It's not against rules! It's not! You are so fucking naive Eddie! He likes you and he wants you, and you like him and want him! You can still do your job and like him! Look at Bill's parents! Why the fuck are you so afraid?!" she yelled, her voice echoing in the room.

"I'm not afraid!"

"Then why are you holding back?"

Eddie gaped at her, unshed tears in the corners of his eyes. His argument suddenly seemed to hold no weight. He liked Richie. Richie liked him. He groaned and slammed his face into his pillow.

"I'm not saying you have to talk to him, but you should come to terms with how you feel, or it'll eat you from the inside out."

Eddie heard her leave, then stood up. He felt light headed from crying and couldn't breathe very well, but didn't let it stop him. Grabbing his inhaler, Eddie marched out of his room and towards Richie's room.