By Any Other Name | A BTS collaborative fanfiction

Chapter 16

by bangtancha

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Hoseok's not sure how much time passes after Mina leaves. He lays on the grass by Nayeon's grave, and all he knows is that the sky is slowly get darker, and that the ground is gradually getting colder and colder.

He feels tired. So tired.

Nayeon. Seokjin. Jungkook. Jungkook and Seokjin. It's all hitting him like a brick. How real it is. How fucking painful it is. He's so tired of it. Tired of the sorrow, tired of the pain, tired of people like Mina who only seem to exist to make him sink deeper into his very own ocean of affliction.

Except he's not sinking, he already drowned. He drowned, and everything at the bottom of the ocean keeps reminding him that his lungs are filled with water and that his feet are forever bound to the weights of the past.

He hates it. He's tired. He wants to close his eyes and let the water fill his mind, fill it so that he can forget about the nightmares. Nightmares that carry flashbacks of people who stepped on him when he was already kneeling at their feet.

And like every moment in the past when Hoseok could only see the blacks of the waters surrounding him and the agony of his soul overtaking him, something comes and reminds him that he's still very much alive.

"What on earth are you doing, Hoseok?"

It's almost scary, the way his heart swells at the voice that comes from behind him. Still, even though he wants to, he cannot turn around nor can he part his lips. But from the sigh that follows his silence, he knows that Namjoon has come to save him, just like he did so many times before.

"Come on. Let's get you home, okay?" Namjoon appears over him. "It's getting late."

Hoseok blinks at his friend and lets himself be pulled from the cold ground and into Namjoon's arms. Namjoon begins to drag him towards a black car in the distance, and Hoseok can barely shoot one last glance at Nayeon's grave before he's pushed inside the passenger side of Namjoon's car.

He wants to scream. Scream for Namjoon to let him stay by Nayeon's side, scream for Namjoon to let him die there like he should have. But he doesn't. Instead, he lets Namjoon sit him down in the warm seat and close the door. He lets Namjoon pull away from the cemetery, away from the grave, away from the only person who ever loved him exactly for who he was.

He doesn't look back.

It's a long drive into the city, and Hoseok doesn't say a word. He just stares out the window, thinking that the sun setting in the horizon is way too bright for this world. Namjoon doesn't speak either. He pretends to focus on the drive, even though the road is empty and he knows the way by heart.

Hoseok is thankful. He's not sure that he can speak right now, much less say anything he'd want Namjoon to hear.

It's a long drive into the city, and once the cars stops Hoseok is surprised to see that it's not in front of his apartment nor in front of his parents' house. Rather, it's Namjoon's apartment.

Again, Hoseok is thankful. Thankful that Namjoon knows exactly what he needs without him having to say anything. He lets himself follow Namjoon into the apartment. He sits numbly on the couch when Namjoon points at it and disappears into the kitchen, staring into the emptiness that surrounds him.

He's barely aware of Namjoon reappearing by his side not long after, a warm mug in his hand and another one that he puts in front of Hoseok.

"What's up?" Namjoon says, settling down on the couch in front of him. Hoseok almost wants to scoff. Namjoon's acting way too casual for someone who just picked up their friend from the literal grounds of a cemetery.