𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘴 | (𝘉𝘰𝘺𝘹𝘉𝘰𝘺)

3; Jewels

Everything changed when I hit the age of thirteen, most of the time I was never myself and I drifted away from my close friend. Luckily she stayed by my side even when I was having a bad day. Through thick and thin we had been friends ever since kindergarten.
One day my mom was getting tired of me moping around the house and I was missing more school than usual, so she decided to find me a therapist. I don't like my therapist that much, her name is Clara, but I still have to put up with her.
Clara does help me when I need it and she does listen, but she isn't my mom and it hurts knowing that whenever my mom thinks I need help she tells me to talk to Clara about it. That's not what I would like, sometimes I would like my mom to talk to me but she always seems to be hanging out with her new boyfriend.
To me it seems like she never has time for me, it's always about her "boy toy" that she always seems to be hanging out with. I usually hardly ever see her home because she sometimes stays the night at his house. I know I am basically an adult, but she should at least not look like a whore.
I slid my feet across the wooden floor and on my way to the kitchen I knew she wasn't here because her bedroom door was open when I passed by her room. I sighed and looked at the calendar, summer was already almost over and soon school would start back up again.
I haven't seen Brian in a couple of months and we haven't stayed in touch over summer break either. I just hope he's okay, even if he doesn't know who I exactly am. An alcoholic slowly following in his father's footsteps, but that doesn't mean I still care about him. It's such a complicated feeling I have for him and usually my feelings get all mixed up when it comes to Brian.
For now he's just a boy who has multiple hookups and deal. I understand that with my condition I really don't need any of that in my life, but I just can't help myself with it comes to him and in the mix of it all I find myself trapped.
My friend CeeCee on the other hand really thinks its not healthy if I get into that type of relationship, but I can sit in class and just daydream about it. I groaned and looked at my weekly pill box. Today was Saturday and when I looked inside it my pills weren't there. I sighed and had a slight panic attack. I had to go to the pharmacy and pick up my prescription since my mother wasn't going to.
"Just my luck." I said, groaning not worrying about my phone that still rested in my room on the charger. I grabbed a thin jacket that rested on a hanger that was on the wall and headed outside, not worrying that I was still in my pajama shorts.
Some days I just don't care and it resulted with me zipping up the jacket, so no one would notice I wasn't wearing a bra. I know it was "unlady like", but right now it was an emergency and I prayed that my mother made a refill on my prescription.
Besides about the bra thing, it's not like I had big boobs anyway so no one would even notice in my opinion. I wish us girls didn't have to wear those stupid things, they can be really uncomfortable sometimes. Being an A cup sure did have it perks when it came to things like this.
As I walked down the sidewalk some cars drove fast by me and I tried to not get any ideas. I know that the pills aren't always going to be there for me and now it's time for me to help myself out when it comes to my depression.
It can hit me like a bus because one minute I can be happy and the next my mood can change so quick, it's tough for me. Right now moving forward and seeing my therapist is all I can do for myself. Since I missed the normal time for when I need to take them I will end up getting some symptoms, but I will need to help myself out with that.
I tugged and played with the strings that were on my jacket, calming myself in a sense. Really I hardly ever got my prescriptions because my mom would sometimes get them for me, but I'm the one who has to be independent and get them myself.
I'm not that very social when it comes to meeting new people and going to parties, but I try. CeeCee has always been the type to look after me and to check up on me to see if I had taken my daily dose. She was a great friend and helped me with boy issues and my own personal ones.
In a weird sense she was basically like a mother I never had and she acts that way too, looking out for me and the rest of her close friends. I never really talked to the rest of the boys though. I know the group in which it consists of four boys; Cole, Travis, Brian, and Josh. Of course I only know one of them and the rest I hear around school.
That whole group are the drug dealers and it's all run by Travis. Now where he gets stocked up from I would never know, but this all happened last year I really don't know if they are still doing it or not.
I reached the pharmacy and walked in the double glass doors, the sound of a bell rang indicating that I was there. Surprisingly the woman who works here knows who I am and knows about my medication. I don't go blurting out to the world that I'm on antidepressants, instead I keep things to myself because god knows what others might think of me.
"Hey, i'm here for my prescription...my mother should have already paid and made a refill." The lady behind the desk wasn't the delicate old lady that always seemed to work there, instead it was a snobby preppy girl from school.
"Sure, name?" The brunette girl looked at me then back at the computer, chewing and popping her gum. I fidgeted with my fingers, anxiety kicked in and I began to sweat a little.
"Oh...Jewels Rodriguez." The girl had typed in my name into the computer and looked at the screen for a bit.
"Antidepressants?" The girl looked at me then back at the computer again. "I'll go get your prescription for you." As she walked off my heart rate slowed down and I wiped my hands onto my jacket. That was so nerve wrecking for me that I sighed so loud, relieving myself.
The girl finally came back and handed me my prescription and after that I quickly opened the white paper bag and opened the white pill bottle, put two into my hand and slipped them into my mouth. They were difficult to swallow, but I still managed to get them both down.
Walking back outside I sighed and looked around, I knew my mother wasn't going to be home yet so I would be home ever before she was. It didn't feel good knowing that your mother didn't have much time for you and to top it off she was messing around with another guy that isn't your father.
"God why is my life like this?" I looked down and stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets. "Why is your life like what?" A voice made me jump and I quickly took the pill bottle and threw away the bag into a trash can beside me.
"Brian! What are you doing here?" I could tell he wasn't having it and he had minor bruise on his cheekbone. I knew his life outside of school and about how his father is an alcoholic.
"I just had to get out of the house for a while, saw you and decided to come over." Even though it was hot outside him and I still wore jackets. I didn't know his reason and he didn't know mine, but now I had to hide myself.
"Oh...well I need to get going I have to get home before my mom does so she won't worry about me." I lied to him. I knew she wouldn't care that I was out. His hands still rested in his jacket pockets and he just stared at me. I felt like he was annoyed at my actions of just leaving when we haven't even saw each other all summer.
"Ah. Well I'll see you around I guess." He reached for his pocket and fished out a pack flask. I knew what was in it and I didn't bother to say anything. "Yeah..."
After that conversation he walked off leaving me there still at the entrance of the pharmacy.
"That boy has a lot of issues, still I don't know why my heart drifts towards him."