Greta Van Fleet Imagines

Bags (Sam) Part 3

Hey guys! The reason this took so long is I actually wrote part 3 and part 4 all together, but it was so long I decided to split it. I'm not really sure how this turned into basically a short story but oh well. I was listening to You Were Good to Me by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler in addition to Bags, so if you want to set the tone for these next two parts feel free to give it a listen.

If you had known that being closer to him would put more distance between you two, you would've kept him at arm's length forever.

You both had almost everything; you had each other's bodies, each other's friendship, each other's trust. You were all over each other, but nothing left the surface, went any deeper. You weren't in his mind the same way he always haunted your thoughts, and your time wasn't his like his was yours. You loved each other, but in a respectful way. You loved each other as friends, caring for one another and wanting to be there for the other person but in a distant way, not in a way where you would give everything up for the other person. You had almost everything, but what you didn't have was that feeling of devotion, of knowing you both would without a doubt put one another before yourselves, without hesitation. Or at least, that is what he was missing.

Not you. To you, he was the most important person in your life. He could've asked you to do anything, and you would've done it, for him. You loved him more than a friend, but you couldn't have it all when the other person didn't feel the same.

You don't think he understood how much it hurt, being so close to him. It became familiar, his body always next to yours. You two had always been comfortable around each other, but after you kissed it was different. After that you craved each other even more, always looking for a moment to touch one another, if only for a second. You would both be in the car, your hands in your lap, and he would take a hand off the wheel just to feel yours in his. Watching tv together on the couch, you couldn't be comfortable until he was laying in your lap. Even when cooking together, you couldn't so much as open the fridge without him coming up behind you and lacing his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder. Spending the night together became your normal, falling asleep with your head on his chest and his arms holding you close to his side. When you were both apart, it always felt like something was missing; this you know was true for him. The only difference was you longed for him, while he longed for familiarity.

And this is why you both fell apart. "Us" became a habit, an unhealthy one at that. The thing about friends with benefits is that there are no strings attached, which meant there was nothing to hold it all together. Habits are regular, routine, and you were far from it. Because in between all the perfect days, there were those where you both had to pretend nothing had changed between us, that you were still normal friends. Sam would hold your hand in the car until Danny got into the backseat, and he'd let go so quickly, as if you had burned him. Jake would walk in on your show, and Sam would immediately sit upright, as if being close to you wasn't typical behavior for him, despite your friendship. You'd both be making dinner and when Josh asked if you needed help, Sam would eagerly accept his offer, acting as if your presence wasn't as important anymore. Anytime he was there when you were talking to a new guy, he became more of a douche, acting up and pretending like you barely existed. The closer you two got, the more you needed each other, the further he pushed. You were like magnets of the same charge, repelling more and more as you were forced closer together.

In the end, it was you who ruined it all. You hated to run, to give up instead of trying or telling him how you really felt, but you knew you would only make it worse. Even if he did feel the same way, he was clearly too scared to say so. If you were both consumed by fear, no one would make any necessary leaps or risks to make anything work. You were growing tired of everything; of hiding, of pretending, of your half conversations with too many words unspoken and too much physicality to make up for it. You were expressing yourselves in kisses, in feeling, in pleasure, in heavy breaths, but the messages would always get lost in translation. You were used to letting go, but fuck, you didn't want to be alone.