10/8/14
My mind makes things up as I see things. Illusions. Illusions of things in ordinary days and ordinary life. I haven't had this one illusion for a while, but it came back, strong as ever, yesterday. I didn't realize how much I had missed it since I last had it; it felt surprisingly good for it to come back to me and wash away my thoughts. I've had this one before, but I don't remember it being this strong. Maybe it's because this one is real and the one I had last wasn't truly what I thought it was. Well, I admit that I really did miss this illusion and it's such an odd little thing to have floating through your mind all of the time. In and out, scrambling your thoughts and feelings, sending everything haywire like slipping and falling on ice in winter. It sends my heart into my throat, that stupid, air-headed laugh comes back, my stomach twists and ties itself. I get nervous. I fiddle with my hair, my collarbone, my watch, my bracelets. I can't think right. My mind goes to the world's end to come up with scenarios of conversations that will probably never happen. I am awkward again. This illusion is what? To put it into its simplest, most straight-forward form of an explanation:
I have a crush.
