Pushin' Me Away • {Joe Jonas}

08. i ' l l . b e . t h e r e

When Lex's eyes fluttered open again, she was completely lost. She was in a room she didn't recognize and her entire body hurt. She couldn't remember anything; the last thing in her head was Joe kissing her and her making him leave.

Sunlight streamed in from nearby windows and she took a few deep breaths, trying to compose herself enough to remember more. Before she could think about it too much, the door of the room opened and a kind-looking older woman in scrubs walked in. Lex sighed, going to shake her head but realizing that was the part of her that hurt the most. Of course she was in the hospital. She didn't remember what exactly she'd done, but she wasn't shocked at herself at all that it had landed her in the hospital.

"Oh, you're awake!" the nurse said, smiling at her widely. "That's so good! How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck," Lex mumbled, drinking thankfully when the nurse put a glass of water in front of her. She nodded.

"You had to have your stomach pumped. There was a whole lot of alcohol in there and a mixture of pills that could've killed you. You also have a pretty bad concussion from your fall," the nurse informed her, suddenly much more serious.

"My fall?" Lex questioned. She had absolutely no recollection of falling.

"It's not surprising you don't remember it. You probably barely felt it at the time," the nurse told her, and she nodded as much as she could. She realized her forehead had a thick piece of gauze on it and reached for it. The nurse shook her head.

"No touching just yet, please. You've got yourself quite the cut, only a few inches long but definitely a bleeder. The docs stitched it up, but because of where it is it would be pretty easy for you to accidentally open it back up," the nurse told her, and she nodded again. "Would you like me to bring in the gentleman that brought you in? Your doctor will want to talk to you after a while, but in the meantime you can see him if you'd like."

Lex nodded. She had no idea who'd brought her in, but whoever it was she wanted to thank them at the very least. The nurse nodded herself and slipped out of the room, coming back in a few minutes later with Joe tagging along not too far behind. For some reason, he was the last face Lex had expected to see, and she teared up as the nurse walked out and shut the door quietly.

"Hi," he said quietly, sitting in a nearby chair. A tear slipped down her cheek and her glassy eyes focused on him.

"Hi," she replied, not totally sure what else to say to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Shitty," she told him. He nodded.

"I, uh... I came over because you weren't answering your phone and I was worried about you. I know... I know you can be a little self-destructive when you want to be," he said, and she had to laugh quietly. That was putting it lightly.

"Thanks. By the sounds of it I was pretty bad," she told him. "I don't really remember much."

"I'm not surprised. I... I was really scared. It was bad. I couldn't find you at first and then I walked into your bedroom, saw the bathroom light on, and... there was blood everywhere. It seemed like the whole floor was covered in it. I saw the bottle on the counter, and... I thought you were dead for a good minute there," he told her, his voice catching in his throat at the end. There were tears in his eyes and he wiped a stray one away quickly, like he didn't want her to see it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, shaking her head. "I... I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to see that."

"You shouldn't have done it, Lex. That's the problem. I'm sorry our conversation fucked you up so much, I'm so fucking sorry about that night at the club and all the other shit, but it's time for you to straighten it out now, you know? You can't keep living this way. You won't keep living if you keep going this way. You could've died. This could've killed you. If I hadn't found you... I don't know what would've happened," he told her, another couple of tears slipping down his cheeks.

"I've been to rehab twice after we broke up. It doesn't work because I just come back to my empty house. I still have that crushing loneliness and regret and then I just relapse," she admitted, and he nodded. She wasn't sure if he'd known she'd been to rehab more than once, but if he hadn't he hid his lack of surprise well.

"What if you knew you were coming home to me?" he asked, leaving her absolutely shocked. Part of her thought maybe it was her head wound making her hallucinate, part of her thought it was just her brain fabricating things she wanted to hear. Either way, she was completely convinced he hadn't actually said what she thought she'd heard.

"I could come stay with you for a while, make sure you were okay. I... seeing you on that bathroom floor was a wake-up call for me, Lex. I still care about you so much and I'm not going to let you kill yourself like that. I'm just not," he told her, and again she was sure she'd misheard him somehow.

"W-what?" she stammered, and he shrugged.

"I'm not going to let this kill you, Lex. I want to help you get better."

"What about Elaine?"

He quirked a brow, confused.

"What about her?"

"I can't imagine your girlfriend would be very fond of you staying with your ex-girlfriend to make sure she stays sober and clean," she said, confused about why the hell he was confused.

"Elaine isn't my girlfriend, Lex. We've been broken up for a few months now," he told her, and he might as well have hit her right on the cut on her head. Dizziness overcame her and she had to close her eyes for a few moments for it to settle back down.

"Wait a second, is that why you stopped me last night? Is that what that 'that girl' comment was about? Jesus. I thought Nick would've told you," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, I... I thought you were still together," she told him dumbly, and he shook his head.

"No, we're not. I'm not saying that means you and I are going to get back together or anything, though. I just... I just want to help you get better. No guarantees or anything, I just want you to be okay. If something happens between us, it does, but I don't want you to think that just because I'm not with Elaine you and I will for sure get together because I don't know that," he told her, and she nodded.

"You'll be there, though?"

"I'll be there."