Pushin' Me Away • {Joe Jonas}

10. a . m i l l i o n . t i m e s

Lex was jarred awake by the sound of screaming. She jolted upright in bed and it took her a few seconds to realize the sound had been coming from her. Sweat covered her and her head swam with memories. Joe burst through the door a moment later, flipping the light on. Lex blinked hard and shielded her eyes, not being able to help but laugh at his disheveled hair and the book he'd brought in as his weapon against whatever the trouble was.

He sighed, apparently figuring out that she'd just had a nightmare. It was a relatively regular occurrence for her and had been since the night at the club. Now that she'd been clean for almost ninety days, they'd only gotten worse. Before, she would've numbed her brain into complacency somehow. Now, she just had to deal with it.

"You okay?" he asked her, straightening out the pair of basketball shorts he was wearing. His toned chest was bare and that paired with his mop of messy dark hair and the look of concern on his face made him almost irresistible to her.

"Yeah. Thanks for coming to my rescue with your mighty paperback," she told him, laughing again.

"Shut up, I was sleeping. I grabbed the closest thing I had," he told her, putting the book down on her nightstand and slipping under her covers with her. The movement surprised her; in the month and a half he'd been staying with her, they'd still worked pretty hard at keeping the boundaries between them. According to her therapy plan, she wasn't supposed to date anyone for a while anyway, so she'd also tried to keep her feelings for him at bay to make that easier.

"I'm sorry I woke you," she told him, and he shrugged.

"It's fine. I'm glad you're okay," he replied, his voice sleepy.

He cuddled into her side and she wrapped an arm around him, continuing to be surprised by his movements, but not daring to argue with it. She'd longed to be this close to him for as long as she could remember, and she definitely wasn't going to complain. In no time at all, his breathing slowed and he started to quietly snore. She smiled down at him, smoothing a piece of his curly hair. She settled back into her cushioned headboard and let herself drift back to sleep with him.

•••••

When Lex woke again, Joe wasn't beside her anymore. She wasn't surprised; she was sure he'd woken before her and realized he'd been half asleep when he'd crawled into bed with her. She got out of bed and used the bathroom and then showered, her gaze catching, as it always did, on the spot where she'd fallen that night. She took a deep breath to work through the emotion it filled her with and brushed her hair in the mirror above the sink.

By the time she stepped back out into the bedroom, Joe was in her bed again. She blinked hard to make sure he was actually there, and when she opened her eyes again he was smiling.

"I went to get doughnuts and coffee," he informed her, motioning to a Krispy Kreme box that was balanced precariously on her nightstand along with a huge cup of coffee.

"I thought you decided you hated me and ran away," she said, only half-joking. He shook his head.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something," he told her, patting the bed beside him. She got in, immediately nervous. She was absolutely positive that he was about to tell her that he was leaving and going back to his own place. She didn't know what their friendship looked like if he did that and it terrified her.

He folded his legs underneath him and looked at her for a few long moments before speaking. The silence made her more and more nervous by the second, but she tried her hardest to let him take his time and organize his thoughts.

"I'm really proud of you, Lex. I'm more proud of you than I've ever been of anyone. I'm proud of you for handling that secret on your own all those years. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to tell Nick and then tell me about it. I'm proud of you for getting clean, getting healthy. I'm proud of you for doing your therapy and making it work. I'm so goddamn proud of you," he told her, making tears rise instantly to her eyes. He reached up with his thumb and wiped one away as it fell down her cheek.

"I know how hard it's been for both of us to not talk about our feelings for each other past friendship, and I'm proud of you for being able to push all that aside and focus on yourself. I know it's still early in the process and you'll be different for the rest of your life because of everything that's happened. I know that. I know it's probably too soon for this, and I want you to tell me if it is, okay? I want you to be honest with me if it's too much, if you need me to chill. Promise me," he insisted, and she quirked an eyebrow in confusion but nodded nonetheless. "Say it, Lexy."

"I promise."

He nodded, leaning back to reach into his jeans pocket. He pulled out something small enough that he could wrap it in his fist and she was even more confused. She had absolutely no idea where he was heading with all of this.

"I love you, Alexandria. I love you so fucking much. I've loved you since I was sixteen, and I'll love you for the rest of my life. You're the one, the only one. I know we've been through so much shit, and I'm so thankful that we've made it back out into the sunlight. I know I'm supposed to be going home soon, that I was probably supposed to go home a while ago, but there's a problem with that. I don't want to go home. I don't want to be anywhere you're not for the rest of my life," he told her, tears in his own eyes.

His voice caught in his throat and he had to stop for a few long moments. Lex's head swam as she waited for him to speak again. There were a million things she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him she felt the same way, that she loved him too, that she didn't want him to leave either. He was speaking again before she could compose any of her thoughts enough to speak, though.

"Alexandria Laurel Simon, will you marry me?"

His question absolutely shocked her and he opened his closed fist to reveal a gorgeous engagement ring.

"W-w-what?" she stammered, sure he couldn't have possibly said what she'd heard.

"Marry me, Lex. I love you and I want to be with you. I don't ever want to feel that disconnect again."

A sob choked out of her throat and instead of answering, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as she could. He laughed, burying his face in her hair.

"Does that mean yes?" he asked her when they pulled apart a few moments later. She laughed and nodded.

"It means yes. It means a million times yes. It means I love you so much and I'm so, so, so happy to have you back in my life," she told him, smiling as he slid the ring onto her finger. She jumped into his arms again, kissing him hard. He kissed her back and she was hit with a rush much stronger than any drug or drink had ever given her. She was happy, so genuinely happy she felt like she might burst with the force of it.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear a moment later, his lips so close that goosebumps rose over her skin.

"I love you too," she whispered back, laughing again as she hugged him.

•••••

a/n: the end! tbh i know this ending is cheesy as hell and this is not particularly where i originally envisioned it ending, but the more i wrote the more I just wanted to give them happiness so here it is. i hope you enjoyed it!! 💕