FAITH

Chapter VII

" How would you do this to me Levi ? I mean I did not do anything to you so why can't you leave me ? Why are you lying to me with these stupid words ? Just get off of my face Miller. I don't need you in my life, you are just another jerk, asshole, shitass, disgusting guy who wants nothing from me except really bad things and I ... " I started to cry. It is stronger than me. I can't keep it inside, it is killing me.

" ... I am not going to fall for you ever again Levi Miller. "

I run towards the stairs till I reach the door and leave from his house. I remember his face while I was speaking, he wanted to cry and his eyes were full of questions. As I was telling him this silly stuff, his eyes were filling of water. Before I left, I looked at him for the last time and one tear was falling on his cheek. And a thousand were falling on mine. I know it is the good thing to do. We can't ever be together. He doesn't really love me. He is just trying to get me in his arms then after he is going to be able to do everything he wants with myself. I don't believe one word he told me because he is ... He is ... I really need to stop crying. He is not in love with me. Either me. We are just blind by all those little burtterflies we have everytime we see each other.

I want my mother. Now. She is the only one who is there for me when I need it the most. I walk to her house and get there 20 minutes later. She is watching tv. I enter in our house as fast as I can. She sees me, my eyes all red and wet. She says nothing, she hugs me in her soothing mother arms. I can't stop crying. It comes out all at once and it hurts so much. As much as if someone would put a knife right into your heart. You don't have strength anymore and your eyes are full of tears. It feels like tomorrow will never comes and I will be stuck in this day for the rest of my life. My mom offers me to go buy a starbuck coffee. She thinks it could help me. I said yes, I just want to be alone a bit. She leaves and I get upstairs in my bed. The only thought I get is the moment I had with him. Every time one of them comes into my mind, my heart starts beating and tears fill my whole body. I take my phone and see Levi is calling. I decline. The only thing I don't want at this moment is talk to him.

She is gone for 15 minutes now, it is too long. The store is beside our house. I go outside to go see if she is coming soon. I walk towards the coffee shop and I see herself. She is so beautiful. Long and Blond hair in a pony tail with her joggin and her favorite hoodie: one from a show she went to. The Beatles. A hoodie that is really special for her. She loves this band. My mother arrives with the two drinks. While she comes out and walking in my direction on the street, a car crashes into my mother. She collapses on the floor, the two coffees splashing all over the car. I run to her but the man looks at me and then leaves. She is down in the middle of the street, saying nothing.

" Mom ! Mom !! Mom !!! Please say something ! Mom ! Please ! Help, help, help ! I need help ! She needs help ! Someone please ! Mom, mom, stay with me, we will help you. I will help you. Don't go way, please, don't leave. You will be okay soon, just say something. I love you. Don't. Please don't. Mom ! Mom ! "

The tears can't stop falling. She is gone. Forever. My mother is dead. I will never hear her laughing at my jokes anymore. I will never hear her voice anymore. I will never be able to cuddle with her anymore. I will never be able to have stupid, constructive and fascinating moment with her anymore. She won't be able to cook extremely good cookies every night when she is tired. And we won't be able to say how much we love each other anymore. Lauren Hill left me all alone in this terrifing world. She is my mother but she is now dead. She died in my arms. The worst feeling ever. I should have called the ambulance sooner. I take the blame. I should not do this error. She is dead because of me. And because of this jerk that crashed her. My mother is gone. I don't believe it. I want her. Right now. I need her arms. But she is not one of us anymore. I see my dad running towards me. When he sees my mother, he starts to cry.

Monday morning. Tuesday morning. Wednesday morning. I am not fine at all. Thursday morning. I don't want to face all that people at school. And Levi. Not now, not after what happened saturday. Saturday ... Why ? Why did she has to die ? She is my mother, she can't die. But she did. Sunday, her funeral. I don't know if I will go. It would be so hard to hear everybody telling how much she was a great and incredible person. And hearing the last words the man will say :

" We all know she will be more comfortable up there. In our mind for the rest of our life, Lauren Hill. The mother of a beautiful girl and a remarkable woman. "

It would destroys me. I am already destroy. I need to go to school today. Friday. Arrived at my locker, I take what I need. I don't look over the people besides me. But I see Levi. The only guy I see his him. He is walking pass me. I thought he would just ignore me but he stops next to me. Even if I really don't want to be with him now, he hugs me and I start crying. I know I am an asshole. He knows how to make me feel better. While he hugs me, he says into my ear :

" We should go somewhere else Hailey ... "

I answer with a sign with my head. He takes me to his house, there is nobody and we need to be together, alone. He enter and he sit down on his couch, the two of us apart from each other.

" It hurts. Knowing I won't see her again because she died. Into my arms. I should have do something. I am an asshole. A stupid asshole who let die her mother without doing annything to save her. "

" Hailey ... You know it is not the truth. "

I fall on him. I have finally found a place where I am okay. We cuddle all day, watchng movies and eating. At this moment, I know I was wrong: Levi is a great person and I want him for myself.

"and he suddenly knew that if she killed herself, he would die. Maybe not immediately, maybe not with the same blinding rush of pain, but it would happen. You couldn't live for very long without a heart."