Dark Ocean

Part 4

Valentina stares off into the distance, subconsciously watching the sun's slow descent toward the horizon. She digs her bare feet deep into the sand to ground herself. Her insides jerk beneath her flesh and she has no idea what to make of it. She feels hot and clammy, cold and shaky. She squeezes her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms like knives. Pain shoots up her arms and she sighs in relief. She welcomes the pain, because finally, it's a sensation she does understand.

She closes her eyes and forces herself to let the sound of the waves sooth her, but it doesn't work this time. She's restless and nothing seems to calm her. She can still feel Juliana's arms around her waist, she can still see the look on her face when she pulled out of her arms, and it keeps spinning around in her head like a broken record.

She shouldn't have done what she did last night. She really shouldn't have hugged her like that, but she was so relieved to see her, she hadn't been able to stop herself. But now she fears she may have gone too far, that she unintentionally crossed a line. That she broke it - whatever it was that was building between them - before it even had a chance to really start.

She'd always been impulsive, she'd always been a very caring and enthusiastic person, but most of all she'd always been emphatic. She should have picked up on the signs, she should have paid closer attention to the hesitancy in Juliana eyes. But she'd been blinded by her overwhelming relief at seeing the girl; her almost desperate need to hold her and never let go.

Juliana makes her feel things she's never felt before and it confuses her. She's only met her twice, so it doesn't make any sense; she doesn't even really know her. But that doesn't change the fact that there's something more about her, something... unknown that draws her. She can't explain it, but it's a pull she feels. She connects with Juliana in a different way than she connects with other people.

Valentina doesn't want to think about it, she tries not to think about it but she can't stop thinking about it. She thinks about it all the time. Last night, she'd been unable to sleep because she was too overwhelmed to close her eyes. There had been so many different emotions running through her, she'd hardly known where to start in identifying them. But tops on her list was relief. The overwhelming relief to see Juliana again, the relief at finding out that she didn't disappear from her life forever without saying goodbye.

A strong gust of wind pulls her out of her thoughts and she brushes her hair out of her face. Despite her sleep-deprived state, she feels oddly energized. She forces herself to take several deep, calming breaths as she unsuccessfully tries to calm down her racing heart. There is nothing to describe what her heart does when she finally notices Juliana approaching. For a moment she can do nothing but stare, blinking once, twice, a bizarre mix of emotions rising up in her chest.

Her body doesn't feel like her own. She's trembling like a leaf and a current races from her scalp to the base of her spine. Her throat, suddenly so very dry and tight, seems to close up completely. She idly wonders if she's dying of some rare disease. She widens her stance a bit more to stop her knees from shaking, but her body sways like a willow in spring wind.

Juliana walks toward her, hands in her pockets, a shy smile on her face. Valentina blinks and she has an incredible desire to pinch herself to make sure she isn't dreaming or something, because no one should be allowed to look this good. The hues of the approaching sunset dance across Juliana's face, illuminating her features.

Valentina realizes she's blatantly staring, but she doesn't even try to stop herself. She knows she won't be able to and honestly, she doesn't want to. She wants to freeze this moment in her mind, make it forever and unchangeable. She lets her eyes wander down the entire length of Juliana's body, lingering here and there, trying to memorize every striking detail.