On my Block Fanfiction

Waiting for a moment

He closes his eyes, drops the gun to the floor and places his hand on his forehead like he has a migrane.

"I can't do this with you Malani." " I can't keep you safe if you keep coming back."

"Who says I need you to keep me safe."

"You need me. I know when you need me. I can feel it chica. I've known you since I was fourteen. I can tell by the way you look at me. I can tell by the way you breathe. By the way yours eyes don't glimmer with that hope you used to have. "

"I'm a long way from fourteen Oscar.  I've changed, we both have. We're completely different now."

"Some things never change he whispers. Like the way your heart beats when you look at me and the way my heart beats back. The way you look away when you lie and you play with your hair when your nervous. The way you run away from your problems, that's still the same isn't it.

He says that last sentence with disgust. Like it's her fault she keeps screwing up like it's not the world that keeps turning her upside down and shaking her until she can't think or breathe or feel.

Looking at him she sees the hurt laced in his eyes. She doesn't doubt it pumps through his blood like the poison she feeds him by  not telling the truth.

She was the first person to break him, because Oscar never loved his mother, not the way a son should love his mother. He loved Malani more than he's ever loved anything except little spooky. Now he hates her with that same spark. Hate and love there only separate sides of the same coin right?

It could be the ache in her heart or the fact that despite what people say her heart hasn't healed with time. Instead  it's  grown calassed and cold. Yearning for only one person and he standing here now. Either way, whatever the reason she tells him the truth for once.

"I loved you.  More than you can imagine Oscar. More than the air I breath." She says.

He glares at her, a wicked laugh escapes his lips. "You loved me.  No, you never loved me. Do you remember when we found my mother, He whispers. She was  broken and bleeding surrounded by needles and a bottle of pills. No breath was left in the room and it smelled  like death.  "I don't blame you,"  Oscars says. "How could you ever love someone like me."

"How could I forget, I found You crying,"  Malani says. Trying to bring her back to life trying to put your mouth to hers so she could breathe, Ceaser watching cartoons in the other room oblivious to the world spinning until it crumbled. I loved you then. She says.  "Even in your brokenness." 

"You,  called 911 while I cried,"  Spooky whispers.  while you cried too. Only Ceaser laughed in the front room," he says.  "The bathroom turned into a graveyard, you pulled me back," he says out loud tears falling from his eyes. " I crumbled with my head on your chest with your fucking arm around me, a broken man, "  he screams. "You were keeping me together. I fucking loved you. I fuckin killed for you he screams. I thought you loved me then."

I did, Malani says. The tears are falling down her face as the memories resurface. 

Oscar faces her now she watches his own tears fall silently escaping into nowhere. He moves in front of her glaring at her. His arms touch the wall caging her in. Anger evident on his face but he doesn't scream anymore. He put his forehead to hers and whispers angrily.

"I called you the next day. No answer. Ceaser wouldn't stop crying. He thought he lost his mother, and he wasn't talking about the one lying in the casket. She was never a mother. I  Wondered where  you were. I was scared shitless thinking the prophets got you.  My heart broke for months. Every single day I just kept hoping you were gonna walk through that door. I had  a funeral without you. Crying for my dead mother with a baby on my lap, crying for you. Searching for you.  Child services came after me the next month and the Santos were there for me, unlike you.  You were gone, you were dead to me. He shoves her against the wall when he says it. Then, when you came back, it was like life again, like breathing made sense. Until I asked you why you left, and you said it was because you didn't love me, and you we're nt  coming back for me.  Just the papers to your fathers will.