A Broken Soul

Chapter Nine

                “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” I asked, teasing Lucas. He was in tan khakis and a light blue button up that was rolled up to his elbows. He chuckled and it resonated throughout the entire room. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of it. His laughter, even if it were a simple chuckle was such a gift to me. For two straight years, all I heard was my own cries of pain and the voices of those who caused them. Laughter… I hadn’t laughed or really smiled in two years.

                I realized that I was dwelling on the sound for an awkward amount of time and probably looked like a total creep, the way I was just sitting there. I slowly opened my eyes and he was still there, leaning so smoothly against the door frame. I smiled gently and let out a breath.

                Lucas came across the room and sat on the end of my bed. I felt it dip under his weight and I sat up to face him. My back cracked with the movement and I saw Lucas grimace. I shot him an apologetic look and stretched upwards. My muscles strained and I relaxed feeling much better. I smiled a relieved smile and took this moment of emotional and physical peace to enjoy it.

                “Are you hungry?” he asked me, smiling at me.

                “Yeah, I am actually. I’d kill for some real food… Where are we, by the way?” I asked, giving up on my whole ‘let’s-stay-still-in-unknown-paradise’ mode.

                “A relatively small town called Mukilteo in Washington State.” He answered simply.

                “We’re in the states?” I asked, shocked. We were just in France. We were in America!?

                He laughed and nodded his head. I sat back into the pillows, and really let it all sink in. I was out. I was really gone. I wasn’t even on the same continent as my father and those bastards.

                Happiness erupted inside me, and I couldn’t hide my smile and laughter bubbled up in my chest and busted out. Lucas looked at me curiously but didn’t question me as I laughed and teared up from the pure unadulterated bliss I was experiencing. This wasn’t one of my fantasies or delusions from the pain. This was really happening.

 I sat up abruptly and flung myself into Lucas’s arms and hugged him tight.

                “Thank you Lucas. Thank you for saving me.” I whispered. His arms wrapped me and squeezed me. We sat there, embracing each other. I let his warmth seep into me and I leaned back to look into his eyes. His eyes were such a rich brown; I wanted to look at them forever. They swirled with dark brown with glints of gold towards the center. My hands found their way to cup his face. His lips were barely parted and I could tell he wanted to kiss me.

                Did I want that? Was I really ready for that? I knew that we had kissed once before, but I wasn’t even sure if I was going to live then.  Plus, now I was officially eighteen. I would recognize my mate when we kissed. What if it was Lucas? Or more so, what if he wasn’t? I already felt this strong pull to Lucas, like you would with a mate. This insanely overpowering reliance and attraction. But what if that were simply because he had done so much? What if he wasn’t it and I still fell for him?

                I had heard of this happening. Of couples dating, falling in love and then one finding their mates and the other being heartbroken. Of course, they would have to understand. Mates were your forever. You couldn’t deny them. Still… What if I fell in love with Lucas… What if…

                His eyes dropped and I could tell he was about to lean in, taking my stillness as a sign of assurance. I felt my stomach drop and my heart speed up. Oh Gods…

                I leaned back suddenly, away from Lucas. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t hurt more. I bit my lower lip and slowly looked up at him. Pain was written clearly over his beautiful face and I wanted to kill myself for putting it there. I couldn’t though. I really couldn’t. There was no way that the Gods would be so cruel to mate us together. I was a shell of my former self. I was broken and no longer worth anything. And Lucas, well he was so perfect. I didn’t deserve him. The Gods knew that. I couldn’t face the rejection though. I couldn’t take it if he weren’t and then he found some gorgeous she-wolf and mated.

                I dropped my hands to my side and rocked back, avoiding his gaze. After a moment or two he cleared his throat and stood. “Well… ahem. Let’s go get you something good to eat and we can fully discuss our plan.” He said. His voice was strained. I could only nod my head. If I spoke, I would end up crying and spilling all my confusions and fears. He had heard enough of my problems.

                “There are some clothes in that chair over by the bathroom. Feel free to shower and get ready. Take your time.” He said before exiting the room. I sat there for a few minutes afterwards. Wallowing in my sadness. Why couldn’t I love freely? Why couldn’t I simply be happy for once? Why does it have to be tainted? I flung myself backwards, on the bed and let out a moan.

                After a bit, I made myself get up. I had wasted enough time feeling sorry for myself. I stood up and the soft carpet tickled my toes. I smiled slightly and made my way to the chair Lucas had indicated. I didn’t really take time to look at the clothes, but instead headed towards the bathroom. I was eager to shower. Two years without a proper shower or bath.

                I sighed as I recalled when the guards would come in with buckets of ice cold water and dump them on me. They said I reeked and they could no longer find pleasure with me. I pushed the memories away and tried to focus on undressing. When I had flung the smock away, I avoided looking in the mirror. I didn’t want to see myself. I just stepped directly into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could stand it.

                It blasted out ice cold but only for a moment. I gasped from the shock though. Then the sharpness of the freezing water was replaced by a wonderful tingle of warm water beating my flesh. I smiled and stood there for probably thirty minutes, just enjoying the feeling. It was so nice. I felt myself begin to cry, but the tears were washed away as soon as they came.

                I wasn’t sure why, but I let loose. I sobbed and sobbed. I cried because of the torment I had endured. I cried and clung to myself. I cried and scrubbed my whole body. I wanted to rid myself of their grime. I felt so disgusting. I scrubbed and scrubbed until I was raw. Then I just stood under the hot water and let it out. I stayed until my tears ceased. I turned off the water and got out.

                The cold air hit me and I frantically searched for a towel. I was surprised. My body felt surprisingly… good. I wasn’t in pain or anything. My knees didn’t have sandpaper anymore. My legs were still crooked but I could walk comfortably. I smiled at this comfort I had found and I began to reach for my clothes.

                Then I caught sight of myself in the mirror.

                I was hideous.

                My whole torso was scarred and bruised. My breasts were no longer round and supple as most teenage girls were. They were contorted and horrendous. My stomach had two long deep scars that crossed. Even my face held many scars that marred my once flawless skin. I recalled my reflection from before and I don’t know what hurt the most. Knowing that I would be forced to live like this forever, or knowing that my mate would never find my attractive. How could he?

                I was a monster.