Dear dad,
I know I've let you down. I've let everyone down. Mom says I'm smart and pretty but if I was then why is it so hard? Why do I have to try so hard in school if I'm smart? Why do I need to "broadcast" myself to get guys to like me if I'm pretty? Because I'm not. At least you have Laura so you have one daughter that's not a disappointment. I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted. I've never wanted to admit it but I'm glad you're gone, now you don't have to see how much of a screw up I am. I kinda want to join you though, in being dead that is. I don't know if there's a heaven or a hell or wherever I just know anything is better than what I'm feeling and what I'm living. Today I was out with my friends and I just wanted to go home and cry the whole time. Even if I tell mom she'll just send me to another therapist or yell at me for not taking my meds but none of that will help. The only things that could possibly help is me dying or you coming back to life. I just want my dad back. Even though I'll never get married I want to be able to have our plan, I want you to be able to walk me down the aisle like you promised. I guess we both broke our promises, yours that you'd be here and mine that id be good. At this point I hope what I've been telling myself is true, that you're still here and mom just lied about it all. I just want my dad back.
I miss you
