I've missed you.
you've been part of most of my days for the last six months,
and this is the longest, since the beginning of knowing you, that I've gone without your energy.
I'm feeling deprived.
I hate going weeks on end, only loose texts keeping us in touch.
I don't think I'm doing it, but I create you differently in my mind when I don't see you, as I forget your tone and what it feels like to listen to you speak.
It's only been two weeks, but your voice sounded different. It was rougher and lower.
after listening for a while, I'm reminded that that is exactly what I loved about it in the first place;
its even pace responsible for bringing me so much calm. grounding.
you are an earth sign after all.
you were uncomfortable. you only smile like that when you're feigning ease.
and the heat never left your cheeks.
being back felt unfamiliar, even though it's only been two weeks, I can see that.
seeing you reminded me that you don't exactly love verbal affection; you're unsure about physical affection too.
thank you for accepting my proclamations of missing you and holding me anyway.
now, you do this thing dumb thing, and it's not really dumb because you may just be trying to be inclusive, but I think you may be worried about giving me too much of your attention.
are you be worried about what I could think of it or what others might think?
I promise not to let my imagination run, I promise I won't take it the wrong way.
as far as everyone else? fuck 'em.
please anyway.
you brought those books for me, but under the eyes of others you offered them up.
they are sitting abandoned on the windowsill.
they should be tucked in my window, back in my bedroom, with the others you have given me.
after all, they were meant for me.
you told me once, that you wanted to leave me with a bit of your philosophy.
when you said it I was touched that you wanted to share with me what is the foundation of your thought,
but I was also saddened.
it seemed as if you were preparing a goodbye, gifting to me these things
only because you would no longer be able to tell them to me yourself.
this isn't your space anymore, i can feel that,
but i hope that doesn't change things
with us.
Chartreuse, you're very important to me,
and i know this isn't empty.
let's find our rhythm again please,
I miss laughing with you.
I feel distressed.
don't begin to forget me,
peach.
(during your visit I had an inkling that something might be wrong, your eyes seemed a little glassy, but perhaps you were just stoned, per usual)
