What A Day: A Year Sitting in the Assistant Principal's Chair

Start of the Year

August 23rd

Day Damn One Vivian

The first day of school is always filled with many emotions. You have the kids who are happy to be back and seeing their friends, the kids who are angry at the world for making them come back to "the box of torture", and the new kids who look like lost little deer in the road who are about to get smashed by a semi. Along with the emotions, angst and hormones oozing from students is the rainbow of requests we get from the parents As an assistant principal my first day is walking through this minefield of emotions just hoping to survive.

My first day to lucky year 13 for me was spent dealing with lockers that kids could not open (which opened very easily when doing it correctly), kids complaining about new rules, having parents scream about the lockers (most had 8th grade kids who have been doing this for two years now, you're killin me smalls) and parents complaining that we are too strict. This was day one. Many complaints about things that could and were easily fixed and rules that their little angels would never break but still seemed harsh. By the way the rule that caused so much pain was everyone leaving a class must have a pass with the time they left written on it.

I know it was the first day and everyone needs to get back into a school routine but it was day one and it seemed like worlds were falling apart for these people. For me, I know it will get better because that is how it works at the start of a year, but with all the complaining it reminded me of a quote from the great Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince, "Day damn one Vivian, day damn one." Only 181 to go.

August 24th

He Might Explode

The start of a new year also means that there are kids who move in and out of the district. We recently had one student move in. Along with his records there was a single piece of paper with the note "he has severe anxiety issues and he might explode." No one knows who wrote this and stuck it in with his papers. We asked his mother about any issues we need to know about and she said nothing about anxiety, even after we specifically mentioned it. The whole day involved people walking on eggshells to try and avoid the kid going from Bruce Banner to the Hulk. Another joy to the start of the year. Figuring out what cryptic messages in student files mean and trying to keep yourself from jumping to a snap judgement based on these notes. I guess we'll figure it out as we go. Week one is in the books.

August 27th

Hemorrhoids

I learned a valuable lesson today. When someone starts a conversation with the phrase "not to get into too much detail" you should probably just stop them there. I did not and was invited into the wonderful world of hemorrhoids by one of my teachers.

The conversation started when he approached me to say he was sorry for not being at Open House. He told me what was going on and that he had not had any problems like this in his entire life and that this new experience was the worst he has felt in his 33 year career. I was then taken almost step by step through the process of the doctor doing a medical procedure that the teacher described as "sitting on a blender". The image is permanently burned in my brain. I might need therapy, and am probably not the only one as he also told other staff members and called at least one parent. I know this because I have been asked to make him stop talking by some staff and a parent called to see if he was doing okay. I ended the conversation with the teacher by telling him if he listened to my advice and got off his butt more this could have been avoided. I now wait for the superintendent, union and/or news to come in and yell at me for that comment.

August 28th

Crap on the Floor

I always feel bad for our new 6th grade kids. There is a lot to learn, new people, building, teachers, and our building is always hot. I think it was a mix of many of these factors that led to the disaster one poor kid had to deal with today.

I happened to witness some of the situation as I walked through the hall to get some equipment for a guest speaker we were having in the morning. I saw a kid who wasn't running but he was moving quick and his body was straight up. I remember thinking he looked like a human robot the way his body was stiff and his arms moved. Turns out there was a reason. He had to go and then was in the process of going to the bathroom. This unfortunately happened in the hall. Luckily nobody was around to see and even I didn't notice until I walked back down the hall and was punched in the face by a horrible smell.

The kid made it to the office after he cleaned himself up and his mom picked him up. I felt bad for him but was also happy that nobody else knew what happened. The worst part was for the assembly I had to go room to room in the 6th grade hall and have them walk the opposite direction so no one stepped into the mess on the floor while we waited for the custodian to put on his hazmat suit and clean it up.

August 29th

Popcorn Company

Everyday is a fresh start and a chance to try something new. One of my staff members embraced this mindset to the fullest by starting their own popcorn company. I know this because the students were asking my about different flavors of popcorn they tried. I asked where they had this and was surprised to find such a wide selection two halls away from my office. I went into the class to discuss this with the teacher and saw there were tally marks on the board for different flavors. The teacher smiled as I approached and asked if I wanted some. My reply to that was what are you doing? The teacher tried to say it was a lesson that connected to her material. This was a lie as she was teaching science and the unit was on genetics.

I told her she could not conduct personal business during school time when your supposed to be teaching students. The equipment, a mini popcorn maker, portable heater, and ingredients were all confiscated. I felt like I was law enforcement during prohibition. The teacher then got defensive and dug the hole for herself a little deeper. I explained that she needed to stop talking and we would meet later to discuss the issue, and that she should have a union rep with her. The worst part of this scenario was that the popcorn didn't even taste that good. I think the handful I had was chili flavored. Can't be sure.