Blah 2

Hello darkness

Hello depression, hello anxiety. I see you both decided to come make me have break downs, have me see another family get buried.

I see you're both making me worry constantly about my cat, making me worry about my grandmother.

Depression,  I bet you're happy because I can feel myself drowning in an endless ocean, struggling to breathe, struggling.

I bet you're happy that I'm constantly wanting to cry, to scream, having thoughts of suicide, waking up everyday asking why I'm still breathing.

Anxiety, I bet you're happy with making me feel low, making me feel stupid, making me worry over little things.

I bet you like giving me chest pains, making me have break downs, having panic attacks, making me cry for nothing, even for a little thing.

Everyday I wake up, asking why I'm not dead. I can hear my demons telling me no one will miss me, no one needs me, that I'm pathetic and stupid and worthless.

I can hear my demons, you two being my demons, my low self esteem, my low confidence, all of you taunting me, pushing me around, trying to make me snap.

I keep fighting but some days I want to end it all, I sometimes wonder why I'm even still breathing. I wear a mask all the time, I can feel myself becoming more upset, I make sure the tears don't roll down my cheeks.

I always think of ways to get my worthless soul of this earth, I try to think of the people who need me but all I hear is my demons telling me no one needs me and that everyone will leave me.

I keep trying to live by three words: always keep fighting, but all I can feel is numb.

I've become numb to bullying from grade 1 to grade 8.

At work I feel like I'm not doing a good job and I feel like I'm being bullied. I feel like I have no place being here anymore.

If you want me darkness then take me!