Hi, I'm Lyza // Taylor Swift adoption

19 // nightmares

"Hey girl! How was it?" Taylor asked when i opened the car door with my good arm and sat down in the passenger seat.
I shrugged. "It was fine, i guess." I said looking down at my hand and picking at the pieces of my cast. It was coming off later today anyways.
"Fine?" Taylor said, and i could tell she wanted to know more.
"Yeah." I said, ending the conversation.
I didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't bad, i was just tired. I hadn't made friends which sucked, but i didn't eat lunch alone either which was great. I'm just happy that tomorrow is Saturday. I really don't think that i can do this whole school thing again if l had school tomorrow.
"Are you hungry?" She asked, breaking the silence in the car.
I thought about it for a second. "No, but I'm a little thirsty." I replied quietly.
Taylor then pulled up to a Starbucks and parked the car.
"Me too." She smiled at me, pulled out the keys and grabbed her purse.

After getting our drinks from Starbucks, we made our way to Children's hospital at Vanderbilt University to get my cast taken off.
When we got in the elevator to get to the outpatient sports medicine and orthopedic clinic, Taylor pulled me into her by my shoulders and gave me a side hug, causing me to let out a breath that i didn't even know i was holding in. She let go once the elevator door opened.
We then walked up to the front desk of the clinic.
"Hi, I'm here for an appointment for lyza vail." Taylor said.

An hour and a half later, Taylor and i were finally back to her apartment and i was finally cast free.
I took a seat in the kitchen at the breakfast bar and put my head down. Taylor then took a seat right next to me and placed a hand on my back causing me to tense up.
I wasn't used to affection, my mom didn't really give me many hugs, which wasn't bad. She was a great mom. But now that I'm with Taylor, i could tell that she was the opposite, so it's probably gonna take me a little to get used to.
"What's wrong?" Taylor asked.
"Nothing. I'm just tired i guess." I mumbled, turning my face to look at hers.
Taylor frowned and then got up from her chair.
"Why don't we go lay down on the couch and watch a movie or something? I can make some popcorn too." She said.
I nodded. "Okay." I said getting up from my chair to go sit on the couch.

After a couple of minutes, Taylor walked over with a couple of bottles of water, a bowl of popcorn, and a few blankets. She put the popcorn and waters on the coffee table and sat down next to me, but left me some space. Then, she grabbed the blankets and put them over the two of us.
"There, now we'll be all warm and cozy." She said.
After looking for a movie to watch, we finally decided on watching the hunger games, which is one of my favorite movies.
We finished the bowl of popcorn less than halfway into the movie, and i could feel myself slowly starting to fall asleep, and i think Taylor noticed too, because next thing i knew, she pulled my body closer to hers letting me lay my head down on her. When i looked up at her face though, her eyes were still on the tv screen watching the movie.
Taylor had her hand on my shoulder and her thumb was moving back and forth, making me even more tired. I almost felt like a baby. After a few more minutes, i was out.
~~~
I jumped awake on the couch around 3 in the morning with tears streaming down my face, and i was breathing heavily.
I had just had another nightmare about my mom and i in the car accident.
"Lyza, hey. What's wrong?" I heard behind me, making me jump again. It was Taylor. I didn't even notice that she was there, but I guess she'd fallen asleep on the couch too.
Taylor sat up and turned on the lamp on the table next to the couch. Then she placed her hand on top of mine.
When i turned to face her, she had a worried expression on her face. "Baby, what is it? Did you have a bad dream?"
She said when she saw the tears still flowing down my cheeks. I felt like such a little kid crying over something as stupid as a nightmare, but i just nodded and laid back down against her shoulder, and she grabbed me and laid my head on her lap.
"Wanna talk about it?" She asked quietly as she ran her fingers through my long, wavy hair. "Hm?" She said when she didn't get an answer right away.
I let out a shaky breath. "It was about the accident.. the one that my mom and i were in. It was so scary." I mumbled. I didn't really want to talk about it, but i knew that if i didn't talk to her now, then she's for sure ask me about it in the morning, so i thought that it'd be better to just say something now. "I am so stupid. I probably shouldn't be crying over a stupid nightmare you know? I'm almost fifteen. I'm too old for something this dumb." I said in between sniffles.
"Shhh....no no no ... you're not." Taylor said. "You're not stupid. Honestly, if what happened to me happened to you, I'd be traumatized, Lyza. I'd be a mess all the time, especially if i lost my mom," she continued. "I just wish you knew that it's okay to cry. Bottling things up is so so so unhealthy. You can always talk to me. I'm always gonna be here and I'll always listen. Okay?"
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Okay," i said. I just wanted this conversation to end. Opening up to people is one of my least favorite things to do. I hate it. I just feel so weird, i don't know how to describe it.

Just when i thought Taylor was done talking, she broke the silence in the living room. "Is.. is this why you've been so tired? Have been having nightmares all week?"
My eyes widened from her lap. How did she know?
"I don't know." I replied, hoping she'd get the message that i no longer wanted to talk about anything.
Taylor sighed. "Please come and get me next time, Lyza."
I nodded my head to let her know that i got the message.
"Now, why don't we go get into a real bed to sleep.... this couch can get a little uncomfortable sometimes." She said and i got up.
"How bad do i look?" I said with a small laugh as i wiped my red eyes. I was positive i looked like shit.
"You look fantastic." Taylor replied with a small smile. She then turned off the lamp next to the couch and started walking up the staircase, and i followed her.
When we got upstairs, Taylor walked into her room, so i thought that i should probably go to mine. She most likely didn't want me in there anyway.
"Oh, you're not coming?" Taylor said from behind me.
"Oh uh... I'm just putting my phone on the charger. I'll be in there in a minute." I said. Then i walked into Taylor's room. She was already in bed, but she was waiting for me before she turned off the bed side light.
"Goodnight, lyza." Taylor said with a yawn as i laid down in her bed.
"Goodnight, Taylor." I replied and smiled to myself.
Sure, i missed my mom, but Taylor was trying her absolute best to keep me happy and she genuinely cared about me.
For that, i am so so so grateful.