Hi, I'm Lyza // Taylor Swift adoption

24 // no sleep

It was two in the morning and i was scheduled for discharge sometime tomorrow afternoon... well, technically, this afternoon.
I couldn't sleep at all.
Sometime next week, I'd be starting chemo. Soon, I'd have no hair. I'd be unable to run or swim. I couldn't do anything. At least, that's what my doctors told me.
After a few minutes of me thinking, i heard a small sniffle come from the couch sitting underneath the window of my hospital room.
It was the couch that Taylor was on.
I turned onto my back and broke the silence in the room and let out a sigh.
"Taylor? Are you crying?" I asked.
"What, no, no. I'm ok." She replied quietly. She was lying. She was definitely crying.
I decided to blow it off.
"I'm scared." I finally said, and after that, i was crying too.
"Me too." Taylor said, her voice cracking at the end. "But i... i believe that you'll be ok." She said, and then i heard her get up and pull the rocking chair up next to my bed, which caused me to turn onto my side.
"Aw babe," Taylor said when she saw the tear roll down my cheek.
I quickly put my hand up to brush it away, but Taylor stopped me and grabbed my hand.
"Try and sleep."
I turned my body so that i was now laying on my stomach and took a deep breath in.
"I can't." I said. "I've been trying, but, but.." i started to say, but i couldn't find the words to explain how i was feeling.
I was scared. I wanted to cry but i also wanted to scream. The tightness in my chest was almost unbearable and it wouldn't go away. I wanted to be with my friends at school. I wanted a hug, but i also didn't want anything at all. I didn't want attention, but i know that once my friends find out, that'd be all i would get.
And as bad as it sounds, I was also afraid of dying. What if I died?
Sure, I believe in god. But that doesn't make it any better for me. I'm only 14.
Taylor sighed and put her hand on my back and started rubbing up and down.
"What are you thinking?" Taylor said after a couple minutes.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I.. I just don't want to die."
She let out a shaky breath and continued to rub my back.
"I love you," she said, and I closed my eyes.
~~~
"So, here's a doctors note for Lyza to give to the school, and also, here's another one for sports. She's allowed to participate as long as she has no fever and it needs to be checked everyday before school and before practice. If she has a fever, she needs to be taken to the ER immediately."
"Wait, so i can run?" i said, completely dismissing everything else she just said.
"Well," the doctor started. "Yes. For now you can. Once chemo starts, you probably won't be able to. Treatment is going to be miserable, I'm not going to make it seem like it's all sunshine and rainbows like everyone sees in the St. Jude commercials."
"Okay, gotcha." I said. "Can we go now?" I said and looked up at Taylor and Taylor looked at the doctor.
"You guys can go whenever you're ready, all the discharge papers have been signed. We will see you here next week for chemo." my doctor told us and left my room.
Taylor grabbed her bag of clothes and the blankets from my bed.
"Let's go," she said and grabbed my hand.