I knock on the door to the medical bay before stepping in. Josef looks up from the paper work he was doing, what kind of paper work? Please don't ask me, I couldn't tell you. "Robin, vhat can I help jou vith?"
Anxiety filled me, a pit appeared in my stomach, we have been dating for a close to two years now, it's time he knows my secret if we are to go farther in our relationship. I walked over to him, not saying a word, my face clearly upset. "Vhat happened? Are jou okay?" He sounded scared.
"I'm fine, just I figured it's time I tell you something, do you have a minute or five?" I grab the edge of my shirt and twist it in my hands as a speak.
"For you liebeling, anytime, pleaze zit."
I take a seat in front of his desk. "We've been dating for close to two years now. I'm serious about this relationship, if we are to go farther, there is something I need to ask you."
"Pleaze, ask ich anyzhing, but for zhe record, jou're kind of scaring ich." His voice was laced with worry.
"Do you want children?"
His face went a little pale. "Are jou pregnant?"
"No."
His face relaxed, a look of slight disappointment followed. "Ich vould like Kinder Ja. Not right now, but one day. Vhy?"
"Because I can't give them to you."
"Do jou not vant Kinder?" his face looked a little surprised as he asked that.
I take a deep breath and quickly blurt out everything before I lose my nerves. "That's the issue, I do want children, but I can't have them, I'm infertile. And if that's a deal breaker for you I would like to know now before we go farther in this relationship because I really do love you Josef. But I can't give you children and for some men that is a deal breaker specially if they want kids. I'm just wondering if you'll still love me even though I can't have children."
His face looked a little sick, "Is zhis because of Iraq?"
I nod my head. "Yes, they took that away from me."
He got up from around his desk and knelt down next to me burying his face into me chest while wrapping his arms around me. "Es tut uns leid zhis happened to jou." He holds me, he then let's go and puts a hand to my face. "Nein need to cry. Ich still liebe jou."
Me cry? His thumb wipes something warm off my face. Oh, I am crying. "You still love me?" My voice is hoarse sounding.
"Of course, vhy vouldn't ich?" He kisses my forehead before picking me up and bringing me to an empty medical bed to snuggle with me.
"I don't know." I let out a little sniffle. "I was worried, Jet really wanted kids, he said that's all he wanted in life. I was worried that you would feel the same and want someone who would give you Kinder of your own."
"Nein," he snuggles deeper into my shoulder as we spoon on the bed. "jou are zhe only vne for ich. I'll alvays Liebe jou."
"Thank you." I'm relieved to hear this, my heart calmed, and I felt better all around. After about ten minutes of just snuggles and some small kisses on my neck, Medic has to get back to work. He said I could stay, but I said I wanted to go for a walk. He smiled and let me go, he knows I hate it when I cry around other people.
I stepped out looking around the hall I could hear laughter coming from the living room. I smile, so much has changed since I first got here, myself included. The real reason I took this job as a merc is because I needed something normal for me. Normal, I always found it strange that everything that went bump or sounds like a gunshot would send me into full panic mode. My heart rate would go through the roof, and my nurses would come running in, I always felt bad for them, thinking I was dying every time I got scared. But once I stepped onto the battle field, those sounds; the bullets, the grenades, the bombs, it sounded normal, like I was home.
