Excuse Me, Miss Mills?

Chapter Fifteen

The next three days passed agonizingly slowly. Every day I went to work and made it through the day feeling like it would never end, then I'd get to my final period with my seniors, I'd see Emma sitting in the same seat as always, and I'd know that she knew. She knew about the most horrifying thing that had ever happened to me, the most traumatic years of my life that I still felt the effects of on my worst days.

She didn't ever act differently though, which was the strange part. On both Monday and Tuesday she was attentive in class, answered a question here and there, and made sure her work got done, just the same as she'd always done before the whole debacle started.

I did my best to keep my cool as well. She wasn't the first person who had learned about my marriage and I was sure she wouldn't be the last—there would be others that I would learn to trust that much. Other Robins and other Emmas that I would share that story with.

The fact that I'd shared that story with Emma and that put her on the same level as Robin shook me a little bit. I wanted to say that it was just because she'd shared something personal with me, but it went deeper than that and I knew it. I trusted her. I knew it was stupid to do so but past her slipping up with her friends, she'd been careful not to tell anyone about us and about me. I could tell she hadn't told anyone about my past considering everyone acted exactly the same around me as usual. She could be trusted to an extent, but worse, I wanted to trust her.

One of the big problems I was finding with it all was that I missed Robin, even as I very cautiously entertained the notion of pursuing something with Emma. I missed the way he held me, how sure of himself he was, how goofy he could be, how he and Roland used to light up when I came home from work to find the two of them engaged in a game they'd convince me to join. I had hurt him so badly and I had hurt Roland in the process. There didn't seem to be any way to make it up to them either. I wasn't going to turn into a psycho ex-girlfriend and try to weasel my way back in or apologize with over-the-top, attention-seeking displays. I knew that the only way they would heal from what I'd done would be if they moved on and forgot about me, even if I wanted what I had with them back.

When Wednesday came around I still hadn't made a decision either way when it came to Emma. I would start to think about what I wanted to do in regards to her but as I thought about her I would think of what I'd lost because of what I'd done with her, and then what I would lose if word got out about her and I. It was an endless cycle of overthinking and anxiety, and I wished I could have made an easier, more easily forgiven mistake than the one I had made.

The senior class on Wednesday dragged but when we finally heard the last bell of the day I found I wanted to just rush out with all the students and hurry off and away from the school. I'd already shared enough with Emma at this point.

I forced myself to head back to my office, aware that she was a few steps behind me the entire way. I walked in and then stepped back to let her through, saying a quick and somewhat loud, "I hope you had time to look over the suggestions I made for your paper," before shutting the door behind her.

She smirked a little.

"Have to make sure they don't suspect anything," she teased lightly.

I arched a brow.

"Actually yes," I said, but I could feel the slight tugging at the corners of my lips.

"I do actually want to talk about that if you don't mind," she said. "I mean, I did work really hard on it and I think people should know how badly Hamlet wants Horatio."

I laughed. Her determination and intensity was as attractive as it was cute.

"Well what are we doing first then?" I asked. "Talking about us or talking about Hamratio?"