Grape Flavored Cigarettes

I Still Miss You

Turn back time to first grade

I'm sitting in the sandbox staring at your smiling face

Back then I thought we'd be friends forever

Your smile has faded into a memory

That haunts me in my dreams.

Back before you'd come over,

I'd lay out all of our stuff

The paper dolls,Toys and all

And I'd anxiously await your arrival.

I still have them you know,

The paper dolls we drew together.

I think they're in a bag somewhere,

I've probably lost over the years.

But I never threw them away

Because I thought you'd come back.

I have issues hanging out with people

And I think its because of you

Because I know its never going to be the same

And in the end is it worth the pain?

You were like my sister to me

And I thought it would always be like that.

Whenever Amy asks to play,

I sit down and try so hard

But they're the things we used to play with

And I can't play without seeing you

So I end up walking away.

I hate it when I see the things you post

It's just another sullen reminder

That I'm just an old memory at most,

That you've grown up and that

You're moving on without me.

I see all your pictures of people I don't know

And wonder how different my life would be

If I was in their roles

If I hadn't screwed everything up

If I was still considered your friend.

There's a piece of me hoping

That you're still the same girl I know

But I know there's no use sitting around moping

Because when we talk it's only because of me

And never because of you.

I saw that picture of you with that guy

And I can't believe you didn't tell me

We haven't really talked in years

But after all those nights talking about boys

I thought I'd be the first to know.

Why did you have to grow up without me?

Why did you have to let me go?

I'm still here waiting for you

Why am I the one still crying?

And you're the one smiling?

You've left me a bitter heartbroken mess

But wasn't it really me?

The loser that I am - I messed everything up

I'm trying to reach out to you

To show you that I'm still the same

But you just keep moving on

What happened to the little girls we were?

What happened to being your only friend?

What happened to being my friend even though I wasn't popular?

What happened to playing together everyday?

Why did I run away?

Why was I such an idiot?

Why am I the one crying?

What's worse then a friendship dying?

I'm in such pain, these memories

I can't forget.

I lock myself away because I'm scared of repeats

Because I showed her the hideous monster I turned myself into

And she up and walked away.

Your smile - I cherished it so much.

Your laugh - it brought joy to my soul.

You - were my best friend.

So why the heck did this all have to end?

When did you become someone I never would have known in the first place?

Maybe I'm just blind and you didn't even want to be my friend in the first place.