his smoke

.1 Breathe

R A I N

Breathe 1..2..3..

Inhale and Exhale

The stars illuminate the night sky, while the moon is hiding tonight behind the clouds.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

I pick up the pace to feel the burn, i run faster and faster till the wind pounds against my skin and I can't control my legs. As if they are a machine running on my determination, which means I won't be stopping soon. Everything was a blur and everything hurt. Hearing the echo of my feet stomping against the clean pavement satisfied my needs. The scenery around me was the same but it was beautiful. The trees were a rich green, the flowers ranged from pastel to vibrant reds.

Looking around the night is still cool, although its the summer, which is a blessing for my nightly outs. No car in sight, lucky sons of bitches, they get to sleep; even the night owls aren't up with me. But alas I can't complain, this time relaxes me, feeling free as if I can run from all my problems. Sometimes I want to stop running just so I can face them, but a voice in my head convinces me the faster I go the quicker they disappear.

Focusing on everything else around me helped me keep running, not only running but at life. Running helps me forget the rejection, the scars, and the people. Running helped me forget the problems that I face night, it makes everything a blur, perfect. Sometimes running can be my downfall knowing that when it ends all the thrill is lost, the sense of freedom and independence is gone just like the energy I have to walk back to the hotel.

Every night I would sneak out of the hotel to run, just so I can get used to this route. Moving to a new place isn't always easy, fortunately my dads came down with me so I can find a place before college starts. Sadly today is their last day and we still have accomplished nothing, we went around the city and NC University but never found a place. But this city is beautiful allowing me to find comfort in this foreign place.

The feeling started to get to me, my throat began to burn, my breathing started to quicken even though I was physically slowing down. I was near the top of the hill, just the place I wanted to be. As I drew near, I quickly pulled out my inhaler and started to settle down.

Inhale...

Exhale..

A motto, a motto that could save my life or end it. The more breaths I take the slower my heart beats. The burning in my throat begins to fade. I take more breathes from my inhaler, this little drug keeps me alive when drugs are supposed to do the opposite. At first, I refused to take the drug but  if I did I would use little swifts of it.  But as life seemed to go on, the more I realized I needed it. Life was killing me and I knew it but refused to acknowledge it.

Stirring away from these dark thoughts that poison my brain as my therapist would say, I focus on everything else, like the sky. I stare at the empty sky no more glimmering of the stars that are supposed to shine so bright. Sky, so similar to what my eyes behold, no hope and no twinkle when I smile. My eyes just so empty.

I try to focus on something else, looking at where the moon casts its light there was a figure, sitting 10 feet away from me, with a dog relaxing by him, drawing a breath of smoke and releasing while staring in front of him. Attempting to see what he looks at,its the view from the bench we are on is always breathtaking.

"Its breath taking," I say lowly

"All the time," I turn my head to see who he's talking to, realizing i am the only one near him.

Stepping closer to him and sitting on the bench beside him leaving less than 5 feet in between us. I can barely see his face but I can see his eyes, they were mesmerizing. Brown eyes that looked so dark. Looking lower at his lips was a piercing that reflected the lights. My mouth quickly speaking words before I can register what they say,

"What's its name," with no hesitation, its been a problem since High school, I can't mind my own business

"Russ..." the voice said gruffly, I look at him and see him staring intensely at me, my eyes like his, unwilling to shift. As his eyes bore mine, all I see is cloudiness, similar to mine

"Can I pet, Russ." my eyes not leaving his. "Sure."

I  quickly scoot closer, itching to touch the dog, as soon as I reach to pet Russ. A blood curtailing sound was heard

"Shit, shit I gotta go!" my alarm reading 5:45, I only have 20 minutes to get to the hotel. And off I ran like before, except before i didn't have goal, now I do.

Running as quickly as I can I arrive there, slowly stepping up the steps, whilst reaching for my keys. I slowly open the door making sure not a sound can be heard and no lights are on. Slowly shutting the door, "close one".  I actually got away with it, one point for Rain, zero points for da-

"Well, well, well. look who we got here."

"Stop Conner i specifically told you we are not gonna do this."

"Oh i'm sorry Miles it's just that i wanted to be a little dramatic once in my life.Like finally our daughter does something like in those 90's movies," my dad gushes

"But even you know that those movies sucked," said Miles the more serious one out of the two.

"Now at least I have something in common with those movies," crossing over his arms proudly over his chest, a groaning erupts from Miles mouth.

"CONNER, our daughter, Rain is here," Conner states but cant keep that smile off his handsome face, his red hair complimenting his green Irish looks. Both of them start laughing. Giving me the chance to escape from their attempt at a lecture. I love my dads but they are the worst at staying upset.

Quickly shuffling in my bed as I hear them come up the room, turning to the opposite side of the door to "sleep".

The door creaks open with Miles, "baby I know you are awake," I don't move, but he sits on my bed, "look i know that for the past years, you have been sneaking out at night, and knowing that you cant sleep at night. The thing is that you have become more distant. Tomorrow we are leaving and its a 5 hour drive from home," he sighs

"Conner and I want to make sure you okay and for us to know that you need to tell us. We love you, no matter what " He slowly leaves my room, remembering to not close my door all the way. I know he is upset and I know he is heartbroken, although he is the most serious out of my dads, he  was a softie.

I quietly start to cry, never enough for anyone to notice. I try to fray away from those awful nights that follow me around like a shadow. But trying is useless, it will always be apart of me no matter what. Hoping that this might be my new chapter, that I will soon remiss on.

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So how was the first chapter!! Please leave your opinions throughout.

As of now I am not sure of a schedule but I'll let you know as soon as I do

Question of the chapter:

What is your favorite childhood show?
Mine is Avatar the Last Airbender