Now before you read this imma tell you this story is incredibly confusing. I still don't quite understand what happened. So just wanted to let anyone that decides to read this bullshit.
So I had obtained a crush on one of the coolest guys in 6th grade. His name? (I can't say so let's go with A). He seemed like a valid nice dude. He played soccer so he was pretty athletic, He was tall, he had an amazing laugh, and was kinda smart.
The only class I had with him was my Turkish class but besides that I didn't see him any other time except lunch. In Turkish class I didn't even have a seat next to him we were on opposite sides of the classroom. I sat alone in the back next to a window without any other classmates near me. And in front of me about 3 desks away. But I still had the perfect view of him.
I didn't pay much attention to this because I didn't relized I liked him till about February.
He helped me gently break up with my previous girl friend at the Halloween dance cause of our toxic relationship. Me and my ex decided to be just friends
Time skip to the week before the Valentine's dance. I asked him to go with me. Me being too shy, asked my best friend Katie to deliver him notes asking him.
I remember waiting in the cafeteria feeling so cold and nauseous. My friend liz(ard) was there to talk me through it( being super helpful and I'm so glad she was there).
My friend told me that he said "whatever you want"
And me not having confessed to anyone before didn't understand what he ment by that. So I laid in bed that night And stressed.
Emma told me that he bullied her and me being a generally good person put my feelings aside for him and instead a hatred for him grew.
I still wanted to go to the dance so I decided that I didn't need him and was gonna have a fun time. With or without him.
So I did.
I later redeveloped a small friendship with him and told him I was trans. He accepted me.
A little later a all girls asembly was called during Turkish and we had a sub so I stayed behind with the other boys. A came up to me and said " hey aren't you going?". My face dropped immediately. He then smiled laughing swing he was joking. I let out a sigh of relief and started to laugh with him.
We were then transfered to a different class for a bit with all the other boys. Me, A, and some of A's friends were talking when some other teacher came in to drop off papers. They looked at me and asked why I wasn't at the assembly. Before me, A, or any of A's friends could correct her I was on my way to the gym.
Exams were coming up so I was focused on my studies. And I didn't think of him for a bit till one day after school my mom was late picking me up. I was walking around and one of A's friends asked if I wanted to play catch. I said yes and mid game he said was sorry that me and A broke up.
I stopped and gave him with a look that said "pardon?". He explained and apparently we were dating till I told him I was transgender then I broke up with him??? Like???
My ex confirmed it the next day.
And for the next month my emotions were all over the place. Did I like him? Or was he an ass like my friend Emma said?
I decided it was easier to supress my emotions and decided to pretend to hate him. For Emma's sake. I can't fall in love with one of my friends bullies.
Since all my close friends aka the Maurauders. My friend Cholë was Remus
