I've been living with pain and sorrow for a long while now. They keep me company in my darkest moments-caressing my heart delicately.
***
Aella's brother was murdered and yet no one has seemed...
I felt hollow and cold. A part of my heart had been torn from my chest, and the scar it left was ugly and swollen with hurt. The ringing in my ears was deafening, causing a dull ache at the back of my head. I hadn't cried since his funeral, yet I knew more tears were to come once again. The tears. The salty, streaky tears. They'd stain my face just like his smile would stain my memory, like his blood stained his killer's hands.
Sitting with my legs crossed, I dropped my head and stared at my hands, resting palm up and open on my thighs. Something in my chest ached. It ached terribly. I felt my walls crumble, and my existence became futile. I was alone in this world now. Something precious was snatched from my grasp.
I always thought time would be on my side and wait for me.
Yet he didn't. He kept on ticking. Kept on moving. Never stopping.
My body began quaking. It started at my shoulders. First, a slight shudder, and it gradually became more impactful. I was shaking so terribly that when I wrapped my arms around myself, I could hardly hold on. My hands had lost the ability to grip anything with how hard I was quaking.
Then, my lips parted, and a wail, deep pain drenched, sorrow saturated, erupted from my lips. I felt the tears come, and my throat went dry as I screamed. I screamed his name. I screamed and screamed until I couldn't. Even after my voice was gone and my throat was raw, I cried. Wrangled and fast breaths made my body shudder-convulse almost. I clutched at my chest, where the ache increased to a searing pain.
I knew the moment it happened. The moment the breath stopped in his lungs. The moment his heart stopped beating. I had already known...even before the call...even before my mother and father held me in their arms silently. I had known.
I didn't stop crying. The tears lasted well into the following day. I had cried myself dry and was curled in the same spot on my bed. I had yelled to be left alone to wallow in my sorrow. Depression's cold grip squeezed my bones, and its fingertips caressed my cheeks. I looked at the wall where he had painted a beautiful mural of a forest with a doe peeking from between the trunks of the trees. This was something he had done recently. It was painted while I was away at school right before... It was the last thing he left for me. I stared at the wall, remembering how my heart had sunk when I first saw it. I slid myself from the bed and crawled, ignoring the hardness of the wooden floor on my soft knees, over to the wall. I pressed my palm against it, searching for a small amount of his warmth. A sliver of his essence.
It was cold.
I rested my forehead against the different shades of brown and forest greens. Feeling nothing, I let my hand fall.
I let out a dry, humorless laugh that sounded more like a wheeze of air.
Death. Such a damned thing. It takes the most beloved things from people and never gives them back. It relishes in your pain, yet even after all the years of feasting on people's souls, it's still insatiable. Still craving more and more.
I crumbled back to the floor and curled up on my side. Tears brimmed and spilled, and I didn't wipe them away.
I miss you. I miss you so much. I need you.
I closed my eyes.
Letting my mind lead me to a better place.
"Hey, you fucking cheated!" I accused him jokingly. I picked myself up off the ring's floor and laughed, rubbing my wrists.
Axel looked at me, a bright smile on his face.
"Awww, c'mon, sis," He laughed. "It was all fair!" He walks over to the ropes, slips between them, and hops down to the matted floor of the gym.
"How about to make up for it," He says. "I take you for ice cream?" I laugh and run to the ropes. Using my momentum to launch myself over them. With a smile, I land smoothly beside him on the balls of my feet. I throw my arms over his shoulder, pulling him down to my height with a cheeky grin.
"Really?" He knows how much I love ice cream. Especially vanilla with chocolate drizzle.
"Yup. Go get your shit, loser," I laugh and sprint off to the locker room, tossing a flash of my middle finger at him. He laughs as he snatches his gloves off.
"Yeah, yeah. Love you, too,"
Remembering his smile made it even more painful. Even more unbearable.
Everything felt so out of place. My world had crashed down around me and buried me in its remnants. I curled into myself even more, squeezing my eyes tightly. Tears still pooled from my eyes, and I didn't dare try to wipe them.
How could someone do this? How could they take him from me?
He was my light.
My world.
"Axel..." I murmured to myself.
Axel. Axel. Axel.
The cold hardwood floor pressed against my shoulder, causing it to ache. I didn't readjust to ease the uncomfortable position. I relished it. I pressed myself to the floor harder. I wanted this pain. Anything to distract me from this hell.
***
"Aella..." There was a soft knock on my door before the handle began twisting. It stopped halfway. I had locked it. I didn't answer.
Sigh. "Aella, let me in, please?" My mother's voice was soft-broken. She usually had a tone laced with confidence.
I stayed silent.
I didn't want her comfort or her tears. I didn't want her warm hands on my back. I didn't want her hugs.
I wanted my big brother.
"Aella...baby..." She tried again." I ignored her. Again.
"Leave her be, Elenore," My father's strong voice was muffled slightly from the door.
I lay on the floor and listened to their footsteps as they walked away.
I opened my eyes and stared at the wall until my tears slowed, and I fell asleep.
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