The Wrong Side of The Tracks

| thirteen

Camellia Roberts

I wrote a note, I had planned to tell them. I knew that Alex started working at the diner. I had everything planned perfectly. I even spent most of the night practising what I would say in the mirror. I was finally done with lying not only to myself but to her.

However, when my father started mentioning it and her. I lost all courage I thought I had. I couldn't do it, couldn't listen to him talk about things he had no right to talk about.

"I don't feel well," I voice, finally looking up to face them.

"Is it the food?" My mother asks me, I shake my head. Looking around the diner, I couldn't spot her. My attempts had failed.

"I just want to go home," I tell them, mum puts her hand in her purse and then pulls out some cash.

"Get a cab home, we will be there soon." I grab the cash, stuffing it in my jacket pocket. I bid my farewells and head outside. The bell signalling my exit.

I didn't call the cab, letting the setting sun help me decide my thoughts. I could walk to her house, to see if she's home. To tell her or just see her one more before I decided to leave this town. It was the perfect plan, I turned eighteen soon. I had a car, I could just leave.

It's what I dreamt about at night, getting in my car and never looking back. Just letting the wind flow through my hair and letting the worries leave me. I pulled out the folded letter, what I planned to tell them.

I got accepted into Harvard. Full ride, accommodation paid for. A journalism course. 

I had gone behind their back and applied, I was so positive that I wouldn't get it but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try. I knew that they didn't want me to go to college, that they wanted me to take over the family business and stay with the church. My father had told me that I could never be a writer.

"It's not a paying job," he'd tell me, "I don't want you writing lies, especially if it's against the church,"  and that was the end of the conversation, my father had full control over my life.

And now I've got the power back.

It was only now, with the setting sun and the stranded railway track. Music blaring in my ears and the Harvard letter in my hand, only now did I realise what my aunt meant before she died. She wasn't talking about God, she was talking about dad. 

And on this stranded train track, the sun shining behind me and my music loud; did i finally accept myself. My third final secret was ready to come out, ready to be accepted. 

"I am gay!" I screamed on the top of my lungs, tilting my head to the sky. "And I'm in love with Alex Jones!"

And only now, was I ready to finally be myself. School finishes in four weeks, Harvard starts in four months. I was done with fear, done with life. I was ready.