PAIN - bakudeku

hollow

The rest of school was quiet, no one really paid attention to me, not even Kacchan. My earlier incident on the roof had scared me, it wasn't the first time I had thought about it. It was the first time I had seriously considered it though.  I'm glad that I took some time on the roof to clear my head and calm down, I was in a bad state. I plastered a smile on my face to try and cheer myself up, gotta fake it till you make it yknow?

By the time school had ended I was exhausted. Slowly packing my stuff as everyone left the room I noticed I still had my PE kit in my bag. I should put that away before I head home. Katsuki was pissed at me, even if I tried to avoid him he would only get more angry. In the long run it was better to face it early and get it over with. I was already feeling numb inside and I don't think the day could get any worse.

Slightly limping still I trudged towards my locker, placing my kit inside weakly. All might stickers coated the inside of my locker.

"ahhh I'm so tired" I muttered to myself, lost in thought. My whole body ached.

 I went to close the locker but it slammed shut suddenly with a thump. Nearly chopping my nose off in the process. Only once it had closed did I notice kacchan firmly planted next to me towering over my head. I couldn't help it, I yelped. This seemed to only anger him more. 

"God you're so pathetic, are you going to piss yourself or something shitface?"

 His regular angry voice was different, chillingly smooth, he spoke calmly and slowly. It was unnerving and difficult to tell what he was thinking. I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. He glanced between me and my locker a few times eyeing  me suspiciously. 

"Trying to hide something from me? you know I hate liars.." he said dropping a few octaves, his pupils dilating slowly.

"N-no its n-not what y-ou t-think! I w-was jusst p-putting my kit ba-ack" I cry, trying my best to get a hold of myself. 

" I don't mean your pig shit gym clothes dumbass"

 he paused to hold up my journal, the edges already tattered and crumpled from his harsh grip. The edges of the journal smouldering slightly expelling a scent of burning oak from his fingertips as he held it. I was too upset to say anything, it was my best journal so far with so much detailed research. I could not take it, not today. I wouldn't not let myself cry, if I did I would never stop. I did the next best thing. 

I burst out laughing, not a joyful giggle but a ripping scream of laughter that hurt my soul. It sounded unnerving as the angry ribbons of laugher loudly erupted unnaturally from my throat. It surprised me but didn't make me feel better nor did it relieve some of the tension inside my heart. I could not stop myself, I laughed so hard I couldn't breath or see. Kacchan looked unsettled for a moment before his face curled into a menacing glare and pushed me to the ground, even that didn't stop it. I only laughed louder. The volcanic cackle bounced off of the halls merging into the scream of a thousand pains.

"w-What the FUCK are you laughing at?" kacchan seethed, his eyes closing in on me like a python.

I wanted to speed this up, get it over with. I needed to feel something right now and if the only option is pain. I will always still take it, because I am worthless.

"I'm laughing at you" I managed to blurt out between bursts of painful giggling.

The first punch knocked me back over, it wasn't that hard to do but still impressive. I let the cold hard floor envelope me. It was where I belonged. I continued to laugh, I was going to laugh until I couldn't anymore, until there is nothing left inside. With each thump of his leather boot I wheezed. The symphony of our pain: crying, screaming, grunting, punching, kicking and laughing was a piece to behold. The greatest love song ever written.

"how dare YOU laugh at ME deku! you're fucking worthless! i'll make you regret this" 

He rambles on, it doesn't scare me anymore. All I feel is his warm body on top of mine as he grabs me by the shirt and shouts at me. 

I finally stop laughing, instead I lie on the cold ground and stare upwards into nothing. My body is sore, my throat aches and I feel so tired. 

"either hit me again or let me go" I say, almost in a whisper. 

Kacchan seems bewildered by my comment, he begins to hold up his fist but then puts it down and stands up. Watching over me he instead extended his hand to me. It might have been a trap but I didn't care In that moment, I took his hand and he helped me to steady myself on my feet. 

Now we were both stood up, still holding hands and just staring deeply at each other. The school hallway was abandoned and the sun had started to set as evening crawled upon us. We continued to stare at each other without saying a word, neither of us letting go of the other. In that moment I think I understood why kacchan was so angry, especially at me. Then I did something I told myself I would never do.

I kissed him.