~ ✧ Ninjago X Reader Oneshots ✧ ~

Living Proof {Lloyd [MxF]}

Song: Holding On To You by Twenty Øne Piløts

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEVERAL TOPICS THAT MAY BE EXTREMELY SENSITIVE TO SOME.
READING DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED.

Setting: Just before season 8

Word count: 2,511

First Person

Her name is [Y/N] [L/N], and she was diagnosed with manic depression (or 'bipolar disorder') when she was thirteen years old... just five months after she'd harmed herself for the first time.
Honestly, it was terrifying to her... seeing what she could do to her own skin with just the nails of her fingers...
She promised herself it would never happen again.

Then she was put on a strong medication for bipolar disorder, and it became harder to feel the fear she had felt during that promise.

She loathed the stuff.
It took away her ability to feel emotion. Any emotion. Life dulled. Colors grayed.
Days, weeks, months became an endless inescapable pattern.
It was like the deepest depths had grabbed ahold of her heels and were dragging her down.. down... down....

Sometimes, it was hard to breathe through the sobs, and her screams for help were muffled by the sound of people's higher priorities.

As she sunk deeper and deeper... she climbed higher and higher.
Her feet clattered against the metal ladder as the sound of the surface above the waves became harder and harder to hear.
The white noise of the black ocean below filled her head... the white noise of whispers of a certain familiar Voice.

'Useless. Stupid. Pitiful. Weak. Idiotic. Selfish. Needy. Bratty. A waste of space. You're beautiful, rich, popular and loved. You don't deserve to cry. You don't deserve the luxury of showing your emotions, bitch, stop tearing up. You're so fucking pathetic and selfish, crying because you want more attention. You're such a fucking slut.'

It only felt like a matter of seconds before she reached the roof of the enormous apartment complex.
She stumbled toward the edge on shaky legs and collapsed onto her knees.
She dared not glance down.
She wasn't ready. Not yet.

'Soon. But it's not like anyone will miss a brat like you anyway, so why does it matter when you do it?'

Her eyebags were puffy and dark.
Her cheeks were reddened.
Her complexion was pale.
Her hair had long overgrown and felt greasy to the touch.
Her eyes, lively once upon a time, were moist and brimmed with the tears she tried so desperately to fight back, so broken and dull.

'You're so ugly. No wonder no one ever loved you. You just want attention. You deserve to be alone.'

For one last time, she watched the buildings of the beautiful Ninjago City light up one by one as the sun set in the back, alighting gorgeous streaks of purple and orange across the sky.

'You'll never be able to share this view with anyone because you pushed everyone away. It's all your fault.'

She watched the cars zoom by on the highway below.
The people looked like ants, though they felt much bigger than she.
She wished she were as strong.. she wished she were as brave, as important.
It stung, like the most excruciating venom knowing she'd always be alone because of how useless she was to society.
Her eyes began to well up before she sniffled and wiped them away with the sleeve of her loose black hoodie.
'You don't deserve to cry.'