Jansu Vs. Fairie Tales

Once upon a time Jansu was walking through the forest because it was where she had woken up after a weekend of binge drinking with her best friend Laylah. She looked around and rubbed her throbbing head she pulled a bottle of Tylenol three out of her bag poured a few in her hand and dry swallowed them. She didn't know where she was so she began walking down a path eventually she reached a cross roads going in three different directions one was paved with gold and led through fields of little people harvesting what appeared to be candy, the second was a rainbow and headed toward the sky where flying unicorns ate cotton candy clouds and final paths led deeper into the dark and scary forest.

Jansu blinked a few times wondering what Laylah had put in her drink... besides the roofies. After taking a moment to take it all in she thought whatever lets roll with it. She pulled her trusty glock out of her bag and proceeded to shoot down one of the unicorns. The others took off in fear as the sky overhead darkened. She approached the dead animal and proceeded to take hold of its horn and bend it until it cracked away. She then took the horn over to the golden road and began prying up the golden bricks and thought man I really need a portable crowbar. The little people in the field saw her doing this and gathered up there pitch forks, scythes and field torches. The formed and angry mob and started heading toward her, she quickly pried up a few more bricks and crammed them into her purse she ran towards the forest where she could hide and fired a few shots way to high as she went.

After she thought she had run far enough she found herself at the base of an enormous bean stalk towering into the clouds themselves. A ginger tapped her on her shoulder she surveyed him, he smiled at her and spoke "Hello my names Jack I'm a poor farm boy with big dreams I've learned that at the top of this behemoth is a goose that lays golden eggs I'd love some arm candy if your up for it." Jansu smiled her sweetest most innocent smiled at Jack before slapping him then preceded to pistol whip him. "I am no ones arm candy and there is no way I am climbing all the way up that bean stalk." Her telling him off was cut short by the screams of angry midgets. Jansu kicked Jack once more called him a soulless ginger before continuing her escape.

She covered a long distance before taking a rest again but it was cut short when she heard rustling in the bushes. A large wolf standing on its hind legs walked out of the under brush he looked Jansu over and let out a wolf whistle and said "so what brings you through the woods today definitely not going to visit your sick granny" he spit a small piece of red fabric onto the ground and muttered about things getting caught in his teeth. Jansu didn't know what to make of the large talking animal probably a hallucination but proceeded to tell the wolf how she had woken up in the woods and a bunch of crazy short people had started attacking her for no reason. The wolf nodded "that's a real shame sweet heart the munchkins can be a testy lot, although I may know of a way for you to get home providing you'd be willing to part with one or two of those gold bars that innocently fell into your bag." The wolf grinned but before he saw it coming Jansu punched him in the nose. Then grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and jamming her gun into his gut she whispered into his ear, "Now you've got big ears to hear me with so listen up dog boy point me the way out of this freak show before I neuter you." The mighty wolf whimpered as he gave her the directions she needed to cross the bridge then go to the ginger bread cottage and ask the old lady directions to the tower. Jansu patted him on the head before unloading a clip in his knees. Jansu could hear him howl in pain four awhile after she left him.

It didn't take her long to find the bridge she needed to cross and she smiled she was finally on her way home but as she began crossing the bridge a huge troll surfaced from the water and jumped onto the bridge. He was guide a bit taller then her and smiled down showing all this crooked teeth. Jansu was quick with the draw and shot him a few times but he just laughed "sorry wee one but my hides thicker then Kevlar, that little toy isn't going to help you and unfortunately for you a few goats came by earlier and cost me a meal so I'm hungry. He reached down and picked her up. Jansu yelped and began talking frantically "Don't eat me I'm not good I'm full of chemicals and have no meat on my bones, just wait I'm being chased by a whole bunch of little people very healthy organic farmers." The troll set her down and thought this over "I suppose you are sickly thin alright, I will wait twenty minutes but if you've lied to me I'll make you a light snack." The troll and Jansu sat under the bridge watching animal bloopers on YouTube. Sure enough approaching the twenty minute mark they heard the tiny foots steps of a torch bearing mob. The troll showed Jansu the concealed trampoline he used to jump onto the bridge they both jumped onto the bridge and Jansu watched as the troll gobbled up her assailants, there were no survivors. After the troll finished he wiped his chin with his handkerchief burped and excused himself. Jansu laughed and pulled a card out of her bag it had her name and number on it she handed it to the troll. The troll gave her a toothy smirk "Thanks my name is Estabon I'll call." He then pointed her in the direction of the gingerbread house.