what true happiness means

i dont wanna be tainted by my old friends forever.

"How was the test?" Raylee asks me while on our way down the stairs.

we just finished our English test. my heart was about to jump right out of my chest before giving the paper back to the teacher. I wasn't ready at all. but seeing how confident everyone else, it made me do it. I knew I did well enough, yet I was extremely terrified. this is my first test in this school. I don't wanna look like a fool to these teachers. enough with what happened in the physics class already. I don't want anyone to think I'm dumb and don't understand.

"it was good. the last question, though. it really got me..." I say then bite into my apple. I've been hungry for a while which bothered me a lot in the test.

"I know, right!!" Raylee's eyes widen and she looks at me as if she found treasure, "what was that? the third week and this happens? can they slow down for once! ugh, the nerve of those people!!"

I laugh at her and swallow down my food. we're quite cool by now. and maybe she's close enough to me now, just like Haley.

once we're in the cafeteria, Raylee excuses herself to go buy something and I sit somewhere waiting for her. she comes back with her food and we both start digging in for about two minutes. she looks bothered which makes me wanna ask her what's wrong, but I also don't wanna add more to her. at the same time, I feel like she wants to say something.

after a long thought, I decided to just go for it.

"Raylee,"

"yes?"

"what's wrong?"

she looks surprised at first then settles down and starts looking normal again.

"ugh, nothing..."

"You wanna talk about something?"

"it's nothing big really. I just remembered something I don't like..."

"if you wanna talk I don't mind, just say."

she looks hesitant. I start feeling that maybe I shouldn't have pushed her. but then she takes a deep breath and looks right at me.

"it's about Ariana..."

for a moment, I was about to drop my jaw and show the food inside my mouth. thank god this didn't happen!

Ariana? the most silent girl I've ever met in my entire? she barely does anything. sometimes I forget she's even a part of this class. nothing wrong with her, she just never shows up. always by herself in the corner.

I have to admit that I've always been curious about her. now that Raylee has a problem with her, I feel like I'll get some answers I've been craving.

"what is it?"

"it might come as a surprise, but we have been friends for about eleven years now..."

I say a soft 'oh' more to myself than her. that really surprised me...

"We used to be so, so close. we've been quite best friends for a while until this girl came between us and just... yeah." she looks down at the table and I can tell she's hiding something. for a moment I feel like hugging her. seems like she went through a lot.

friendship heartbreaks are just as bad as any other heartbreak.

"We talked a little today. I mean, we did talk before, too... but today was something else. we actually had a proper conversation. and... she laughed. she was acting like before again. I was happy, but I know nothing will bring this back. nothing will bring it back, ever... and this what makes me sad..."

I can tell she wants to cry. her voice starts breaking as she reaches the end. I wish I were able to help her, but nothing seems like it can work on her now. I try to think of anything to say to her for now and hope it works out.