Hey. It's Phil.
I don't know why I'm writing to you, to be honest. I could just talk to you when you get home... I do strange things when I'm lonely. And you know that.
Um, let's just start.
I'm bad at beginning things... But I love you, Daniel James Howell.
I feel like said that so many times... But it has not at all lost any of it's meaning. I still love you as much as the first time I said those words. Actually, even before that, I loved you. I just didn't have the balls to say it I guess.
We're going to be together forever. I sound clingy, but you said you agreed, so yeah. It was the best day of my life. You make me happy, Dan.
I'm going to keep the ring on forever.
I was going to get a tattoo. Just for you. Your name right across my wrist so that everybody could read it easily and know that you were mine. I think you thought I was joking when I told you, but I was being absolutely serious. You might have thought that I was ironically saying it, but I would do that.
I will do anything for you.
You know that.
The best memories that come to mind when I think of us dating is the baths that we took together. Ew. I sound like a pervert.
The part that I enjoyed the most wasn't the actual bath itslf. It was the bubble fights. We would spend hours just chucking the strawberry scented foam at each other until it was reduced to nothing but a slippery liquid.
The strawberry body wash. You said that you only liked it ironically... Psh, I know that you like it because of the smell. Don't worry, Howell. your secret is safe with me.
That winter, when we were walking through the snow, and you just randomly decided to lay down and look at the stars... I really liked that. I loved it.
I loved being able to just look at you for as long as I wanted.
Being able to look into your dark umber eyes, watching the flecks of other colour appear and fade.
Dan, the best things anyone has ever done for me... They were all you.
Like, not only was the things you did for me the best things, but I got you.
I got you.
That is the best thing by far.
And I know we had to act like we were just for the camera because the Phan shippers would go crazy, so I savoured all the subtle touches we shared. It's a wonder that they haven't found out yet, haha. They're going to freak when they find out that we're engaged...
Anyways, I love watching movies with you, especially High School Musical. I love the way you break out into song or do the dance along with the characters... And I'm so happy that I get along with your family. That means so much to me.
I was so so so scared the first time that I came to your house, but your brother was so nice to me, even playing video games with me. He always beat me, which led me to chew on my controller but yeah. Adrian wasn't mean about it or anything.
Later, you would just laugh at me and then lie with me at night with your heart against my chest with your eyelashes on my cheek. We would fall asleep and awaken that way.
Do you remember those days when I used to smoke? You told me that you hated the smell and I gave it up. It was a bad habit so I'm glad that you made me quit. I don't think I thanked you enough for it.
You know, I still have that necklace that you gave me that day when I was wasted. I love the way that I can feel it's weight when I breathe. I feel safe when I have it on. It feels like you're always with me, your heart against mine.
So yeah. I love you, and I thank you.
Love, Phil.
