Heartbreakers

-11-

"What the actual fuck, Ivy? What the fuck are you doing and why are you recording this?" She was frozen and terrified. My face was red and it took all of my effort not to smack her right then and there. "Ivy get the fuck out of here! Go!" I screamed at her. And she started to scramble off. Then I turned to Jase, "she was trying to video us, how are you okay with this? Did you know?"

"N-n-n-no! I swear I didn't know! She told me I should..." He seemed scared and confused and I almost felt bad for yelling at him. Almost.

"You need to explain all of this- from the beginning. I want to know how Ivy found out about my one-time-rule and how she got that fucking video," I sighed and he sat back down on the couch. I sat next to him and waited for him to explain.

"Well, we broke up right? But before we broke up I told her you had a thing with Elias and sent her the video of the lap dance to prove it. I dunno why I did it, I think I was just jealous that she was so caught up with you and Carter, I thought if you and Carter weren't a thing, that maybe she'd forget about it. I swear I only sent it to her! Then this morning after all that shit went down I went up to her and was like what the fuck why did you do that and how did the video get out. She... she was so convincing... She promised me she wasn't the one who told everyone about the rule, but said that Elias had told her about it. She told me she only told Gabby and that Gabby let it slip. And said that she only sent a few people the video and it just all got out of hand. She promised me that she didn't mean anything bad! I believed her... Now I'm not so sure... I'm so sorry Clarke, she set me up on this and she's made it seem like you guys were cool and that you were down, I thought you were okay with it. This is all so fucked up, I'm so sorry," he finished, and he finally made eye contact. I had almost started crying again, I needed to stop, I couldn't show weakness, not the new Clarke, but it was so hard to keep it all in.

"Thank you... for telling me the truth," I said quietly. "Can you go now..." I said to him.

"Are we... are we cool?" He asked hesitantly.

"Um, yeah, sure. Sorry, but can you just leave, I need some space right now," I repeated.

"Yeah, of course," he got up, "I'm really sorry Clarke," he stated, and then he turned and left the house. I just sat there in silence. It had been such and overwhelming day, between Carter and Jase and even Elias, it felt like I couldn't trust anybody. The delicate walls I started to put up were torn down yet again and I felt like I had retracted into myself. I couldn't stop myself, I walked to my bed and just laid there and got trapped into the spiral of thoughts.

The next morning was a Saturday, and I decided to get out of the house. I wanted to be alone, or rather felt like I had to be alone. I decided to go to one of the only places that brought me comfort last time shit blew up. I drove up from Connecticut, through Massachusetts, and found myself in New Hampshire, my old home. I hadn't been back in awhile, and part of me missed the scenery. The drive wasn't long, they're all fairly small states, but I loved the freedom and the comfort of the open road. A little solace. I drove back into my hometown, past my old high school, and found myself in the comfort of Sheila's Coffeehouse.

It was a small, locally owned shop that wafted roasted coffee beans the second you opened the door. It was always warm inside, and was familiar and cozy, filled with comfy brown couches and big mugs to hold on to. The owner, Sheila, was a nice old lady, in her mid sixties, and an immigrant from France. She was a little heavy set and always wore a floral skirt, even in the snowy cold winter months. She was one of the happiest people I had ever met, and her coffeehouse had always been a place of comfort. Sheila and I would always sit and talk, often about books or French music. The cafe was a bit of a hidden gem, not many people knew about it and often just went to the Starbucks down the block. I walked in and was greeted by the familiar sound of coffee pouring and customers chattering softly. Sheila was behind the counter and beamed at me when I came in. She waddled out from around the register and embraced me in the most comforting bear hug. I hugged her tightly and kissed my cheeks.