Tomorrow | Sanders Sides

Chapter 6

Through the next few days, Patton thought of little besides Logan's words. They swarmed him, blocked him inside his own head as he followed his routine on autopilot. Perhaps Virgil said things, perhaps Roman called his name. Patton heard none of it, was aware of none of it. Unhealthy? Sure it was. But Patton didn't feel his hurt as bad when he was like this, so far withdrawn into his thoughts that nothing else had enough impact.

Patton was...he was okay. He was okay like that.

Still, the words 'Repression' and 'Denial' settled on his skin like brands, and he could feel them on him. Surely the others would notice, would call him out on it. They didn't though, at least not that Patton noticed, so he figured life was pretty okay.

On top of his own musings, on top of Logan's too easy explanations, Patton was still troubled by Deceit's words. Denial is a dangerous thing? What was he Denying, really? He agreed more with Logan's theory of Patton's Repression of his own emotions, but Denial?

Patton was certain that Denial had nothing to do with it.

It was silly, how easily Deceit could unnerve him. Maybe it was the way he twisted the truth, the way he could dance around saying what they needed to hear and just told them what they wanted to hear.

Deceit didn't have to outright lie to be dishonest.

Add on the fact that Virgil was still struggling to let go of his past, Patton was thoroughly and obviously disgusted by the darker sides of Thomas. Oh, he wasn't ashamed of the man himself, but the fact that such...filth existed alongside them? Sickening.

No, no, that's not how he thought. He thought in sunshine and rainbows and good times and optimism. Not cynical and angry and bitter. That was Virgil's job. (He loved his dark, strange son.)

Optimism. Fine, he could do that.

He was optimistic that Thomas could learn to control his deceitful side, perhaps eventually terminating the slippery snake altogether. Wishful thinking, maybe, but it was optimistic wishful thinking!

Yeah, Patton was just fine.

It was still hard to break through the cloud of 'what if' and 'but how' and 'wrong'. His thinking was still trapped in that small cloud of grey, where snakes hissed and something laughed and Patton was frightened in a way he hadn't been frightened before. But Patton wouldn't let himself be trapped in there too, not in spirit. Logan could help with his thinking.

Patton couldn't let himself give up, not like that. What wold Thomas be without his morality? Where would they all end up if Patton just left them with Deceit? How far would Thomas go into the darkness Patton kept from him?

He couldn't. He wouldn't. He could handle this. Nothing was wrong with the way things were. He was keeping Thomas on the moral high ground, he was dealing, and he wasn't thinking about Deceit.

Stupid snake.

"You know, Patton, you're an astonishingly complex being." Patton sighed at Deceit's drawl. Apparently, even thinking about the liar summoned him. How inconvenient. Deceit's smile was all teeth. "When I imitated you the first time it was almost too easy, too boring. How dull it was to play you, what with the others rendering you nothing more than an over-emotional fool who knew nothing of value."

Not true. Not true. He's a liar, Patton, it's not true. Patton took a breath to calm himself and starting humming Dear Evan Hansen. Deceit giggled.

Like, actually giggled.

It was more unnerving than it had any right to be.

Deceit's scales glimmered slightly. Patton wondered if he was slimy. If he was, that was disgusting. "Such power you hold over them," the deceiver said quietly. "Such power you have over Thomas. You're truly the most important side."

"Stop it."

"If I were to imitate you again, it would be far more difficult, I expect." Deceit didn't falter, even as Patton's humming got louder, more frazzled. "So many layers. Complex, tangled emotions. Denial. Mm, that one is my personal favourite. Seriously. Cross my heart."

Patton did not condone violence, under any circumstances but right now, Deceit's face was looking very hit-able. "I think that you're only scary because we don't want to admit what you mean for Thomas." He was proud that his voice didn't waver. Deceit raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. (Seriously, did he insist on such a ridiculous level of personal grooming? Even Roman wasn't that bad.) "Listen, I don't want nor need you hissing in my ear all the time. Just...Go away."

"But Patton, dearest, why would you send me away when I'm the only person you can trust?"

Patton scoffed, even as unease prickled somewhere just past his wrist. "Trust you?"

"A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest," Deceit quoted. "Honestly, it's the honest ones you should watch out for."

Patton just sighed. Had Virgil and Deceit watched the movies together or something? "Pirates of the Caribbean?" He asked, reluctantly amused. "Wouldn't have pegged you for the type."

"There's so much deception and backstabbing in those movies," Deceit responded coyly. "How could I not love them. Movies aside, the quote is relevant. I am not honest, but you can trust me to be dishonest. Can you trust the others, Patton? Can you trust that they won't lie to you and hurt you and twist you around their fingers?"

Could he? Already, there were instances he could think of where the others had been less than honest. Roman insisting he was fine when he was hurting. Virgil snarling angry words he didn't mean because he was hurting. Logan refusing to listen to reason because he was hurting.

But that wasn't like Deceit.

Deceit wasn't hurting.

Deceit just wanted to cause trouble. But Patton wouldn't let the liar affect him. If Deceit was the snake, then Patton was Adam. He wouldn't be tricked into eating the apple by the snake. You'll be tricked by someone you trust instead, his subconscious whispered and Patton shut that thought right down and pushed it into that grey area of his thoughts.

He raised his chin, looked right into Deceit's eyes, and said, "You don't bother me."

Deceit hummed, the playfulness suddenly gone. He looked darker, somehow, more ominous and angry. "And yet I bring out your anger," he hissed. "I bring out your aggression. I bring out everything you despise in yourself. Think, Patton, and wonder why it is that you're always so defensive around me. Denial is a wonderful thing."

"You don't bother me."

"Do you want me to lie to you, Patton? Do you want me to say that I won't break our friendships apart, that I'll leave you alone, that I'll forget about Virgil? Do you want me to say that I'll let Thomas forget me so you can feel better about yourself?"

"You don't bother me."

Deceit bared his teeth, eyes alight with a savage wildness. "You won't ever outrun this," he swore. "That is the truth you must bear."

And then he was gone and Patton was left in that cloud of grey.

Deceit didn't bother him, he didn't.

Patton blinked, fixed his cardigan and walked out of his room. He had to cook dinner. They needed energy to keep Thomas going. Everything would be fine, was fine, and tomorrow would be better.

Yeah, Tomorrow would be better.