I Won't Give Up (Big Time Rush Story)

Chapter 4

I got into my car and drove. I knew a few things. I knew that she was still in L.A., since she dropped off the box. I know she always wanted to go to U.C.L.A. I figured that would be a start, since she did say she wanted to focus on school. I used my phone to get directions there, and started to drive, worried that if I didn’t leave soon, I wouldn’t get there in time to be back at the studio by 5. As I pulled on to the campus, I realized 2 things. 1) I had absolutely NO IDEA what I was planning on doing once I saw her, not to mention the fact that she probably wouldn’t talk to me. And 2) This was a huge campus, and I had no idea where to even start looking for her. Then I remembered something. Miranda Cosgrove was just starting here, she might have seen her, or she might at least know who WOULD know. I parked my car in the parking lot marked “guests” and walked out, phone in hand. I leaned against the side of my car and dialed Miranda’s Number. She answered after a few rings.

“Hey, Kendall! What’s up? “  She answered causually.

“Well, I’m on campus right now. And I could really use your help…” I said with a hopeful tone.

“You’re at UCLA? Where? I’ll come meet you. “  She replied with a giggle.

“Yep. I’m in the guest parking lot. Meet me at the coffee cart I see a little ways away? I could really use some caffeine right now.” I told her with  a sigh.

“Ohh! My dorm’s just around there. I’ll be there in a bit. Bye.” She told me as she hung up. I really hope we’re talking about the same coffee cart… But as I walked out and near the cart, I saw her walking out. She saw me immediately and hugged me. I smiled, and ordered us both some coffee. We sat down at a nearby table.

“So, what brings you to this fine campus??” She asked in a fake voice, motioning around her with a smirk.

“I need to find someone, I don’t even know if she goes here though.” I said with a frown, handing her the picture of Leah and Emma in the hospital.

“Ohh, Leah! Yeah, she’s in a few of my classes. How do you know her though?? And is that her baby? She never really let anyone see her after she was born, and her grades got really bad. She had to bring the baby to it’s dad, to take care of the baby because she didn’t have any money, and was about to be kicked out.” Miranda said, all in one breath. Wow… Maybe I shouldn’t have come… No, this is something I have to do.

“Can you show me to her dorm??” I asked with a hopeful smile. She nodded, standing up and motioning for me to follow.

“She’s right down the hall from me, but listen, I need to study, so come say goodbye before you leave ok?” I nodded to her. She opened the door to one room, and pointed to another, a few doors down. “That’s Leah. Good Luck.” She said as she went in and closed the door. I shrugged off her good luck comment, and walked over to her door. I knocked, and waited until I heard a voice on the other side

“Just a sec!” The voice said. I instantly knew it was Leah. Crap. What am I going to do?!?

The door opened, and before she even had a chance to react to me, I pulled her into a hug. She resisted at first, but eventually, she relaxed, melting into my arms.

“I missed you.” I whispered into her hair. I pulled back a bit to look at her. She wasn’t the same, happy, cheerful girl who didn’t have a care in the world. She was a girl who’s been through it all. And I saw scars on her wrists, all looking old, so I figured she’d stopped. I sighed. Mad at myself, for not fighting for her. For not being there to hold her hand through all this.  She was still looking down, avoiding my eye contact, but not wanting to get out of my grip. I took her chin in my hand, lifting it up so she HAD to look at me.

“I missed you too. A lot.” She mumbled, before collapsing into my chest crying softly.

“Hey, none of that, come on.” I told her, wiping her tears with my thumb and leading her into her dorm and onto the couch. We talked for a long time. About everything. Life. Our past, Emma, BTR, but neither one of us could bring up the whole reason she left. There was a silence, and I knew I had to bring it up now, or I’d never get a straight answer out of her.

“Why? Why’d you leave?” I asked her.

“Honestly?” She asked nervously, glancing at me, while I nodded. She looked back at the ground, and I reached up and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. She smiled and continued. “I was confused. I didn’t know how I felt about the whole thing, I didn’t know how I felt about you. I was scared. Scared that someone might find out and ruin your career. Scared that if I decided how I felt about you, you wouldn’t feel the same. So, I went with my instincts, which were telling me to run. Get as far away as I could, and not look back. Of course I wasn’t expecting Emma, and I have no idea how both Emma and I survived that whole thing. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, besides leaving you guys. I don’t even know why I’m still going here. I don’t really learn much, and everyone is afraid of me, so I don’t have many friends… I’ve wanted to come back to you guys ever since I left.” She finished with a sigh, just barely pulling her eyes off the floor to look at me. I reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently.

“Why don’t you? The semester’s almost over isn’t it? Come back and live with us. The guys and I miss you, and honestly, we have NO IDEA what we’re doing with Emma. My mom’s been babysitting a lot.” I told her. She looked down, and smiled softly at hearing Emma’s name.

“I don’t know. Where does that put us though? Because I have NO IDEA how I feel yet. But I do know that I love you guys, and miss Emma like crazy, and this school is killing me. I don’t even want to stay for the next like 4 months.” She said. I smiled.

“Well, you need to. And it doesn’t matter, just finish this semester, and if you still want to drop out, then do it. We will take you in with us. We will be on tour, and Kevin and Kenneth are already really excited to tour with us and babysit. So I wouldn’t want to take that away from them.” I told her. And she laughed.

“Hmm, which one will be the favorite uncle? So, you guys have to go on tour soon? When do you start rehearsals?” She asked me with a smile.

“CRAP!!!!” I yelled, jumping up and yanking my phone out of my pocket. I checked the time. I was supposed to meet the guys in the studio like 20 minutes ago. I had like 3 missed calls from Carlos, 2 from James, and 1 from Logan. I called Carlos back.

“Hey dude,  I’m SOOO sorry… I’ll be there in a bit. I’m a little ways away, I’ll bring a surprise to make up for it though..” I told him quickly before hanging up. And pulling my  keys out of my pocket. “Wanna come with me? My mom’s bringing Emma by, and the guys might not kill me if you come…” I asked hopefully. She pretended to think for a while before answering with a smirk.

“Ok. Just give me a sec to lock up my room and leave my roommate a note.” She said.

“Ok, I’m going to say bye to Miranda. Hurry.” I said as I walked out of the room and into Miranda’s. I hugged her and said bye, and then Leah walked out and we walked to the car, talking about random things. When we got to the car, we both climbed in, and I turned on the radio as we drove. When we were almost at the studio a song came on. It was our favorite when we were younger. I turned it up and we sang along to “I won’t give up” By Jason Mraz. It ended JUST as I pulled into the parking lot. I looked over at Leah, who was grinning, but when she realized where we were, she got a little nervous. We climbed out of the car, and I grabbed her hand as we walked, squeezing it reassuringly. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m about to be murdered and I’m not worried at all” I said with a grin. She just smiled shyly and looked away. I released her hand just as we walked into the studio to find a really mad Carlos. He looked behind me a little ways to the girl who was now practically hiding behind me, and his face immediately went from annoyed to shocked.

“Leah?!” He said, more to convince himself then to ask. She nodded and started crying as Carlos hugged her and the other guys came over to hug her.