Together is Better (Peter Parker X Reader)

The Accident

Peter blames himself. Peter always blames himself, but this time - this time it's different.

This time Y/N was on her way to Peter's apartment to return his things. It was over, it ended yesterday. "Do you remember when you gave me an out at the beginning? You said that if the superhero thing gets to be too much that I'll always have an out? That you'll always understand?" is how their conversation started, and "I want that out now," is exactly how it ended.

He should have been there. He should have gone to her place.

"Peter, Peter can you hear me?" Karen speaks to him, but he can't focus. Not when he's trying to get to the scene of the accident. "Peter, snap out of it! You need to assess the situation before you throw yourself in there. You were listed as her emergency contact, they found her phone but no body."

Gosh, why does it take so long to get from Queens to Manhattan? Why can't he swing faster? It's not like there's any traffic in the air.

"Peter, your pulse is sky high. Maybe you should take a moment to-,"

"Karen, would you shut up?" he snaps.

"Peter, it would appear you're crying."

"I know!" he snaps, dropping to the ground where the sea of police officers are.

"Peter, may I remind you that the citizens of New York are unaware of your identity. It is best to find one police officer and speak to him. Don't take your mask off."

He takes a second once he hits the ground to just breathe. He furrows his eyebrows, inhales and exhales before he stands. Karen is right, just one cop. Preferably the one who called him would be nice, but he settles for the first one he can get alone.

"Hi-um," he starts, voice cracking as his hand goes up to rest on top of his head. "I'm um, a girl was here in the accident and-and," all of the red, white and blue flashing lights are starting to give Peter a headache, he shakes his head. He can't seem to focus on a single thing except for how tight his chest is right now. His heart feels like it's ripping at the seams - he feels like he has no control. "Y/F/N Y/L/N... her car was found and um, I was her emergency contact and-and have you found the body yet, officer?" his voice gets higher, strained as the whites of the eyes on his mask get smaller.

"You were her emergency contact?" the officer raises a brow. "Look, Spider-Man we really can't be giving away-,"

"I'm-I'm Peter Parker, please if you just get her phone and call you can hear it and-and I just need to know if there is anything you can tell me because chances are I can find her and I need... I need to find her. Please." he begs, tears falling past his waterline and cascading down his cheeks.

"Peter, I do believe you shouldn't have told the officer who you are. Please be more careful." Karen's voice rings in his ears and gosh, he'd do anything just to take his mask off to get her out of his head.

"From what we can tell, the brakes on her car didn't work. She flew through the intersection and ran into one of the powerlines and knocked it down. The electrical box was sitting right on the driver's seat, had completely crushed the car. The odds of her living, if she doesn't seek medical attention right away....listen, Mr. Parker, if that box hit her there is no way her body would have been able to survive."

Peter's knees go weak, he can't - he can't process anything. He gulps, stumbles back. Aiming a web shooter up at the sky - he flicks his wrist and he flees from the scene.

Once Peter is back at the Avengers HQ, he has Karen open the window to his room - this way he doesn't have to face anyone.

This way, when he rips his mask off no one can see how red and blotchy his face is from crying. No one can see the red rims of his eyes or the tear stains on his cheeks. No one can witness first hand how he falls to his knees, facial expression contorting to one of pain, of agony.

No one can see how defeated he looks, no one can hear how much he hates himself.

He shouldn't have let Y/N drive all the way to his apartment to return his Led Zepplin sweatshirt or the extra set of clothes he kept there. He shouldn't have let her have an out, she only wanted it because she couldn't take constantly worrying about him all the time. Going hours without a message or a call. He should have been a better boyfriend. He should have never put her through it in the first place.

He should have been better.

He should have been there.