A Beginner's Guide to the American West ✓

chapter twenty-five

t w e n t y - f i v e

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this is the second of today's double update so please make sure you didn't miss chapter 24!

The sky is still a rich shade blue, not a cloud in sight, though there seems to be a little more depth to it as the time creeps closer to night. We're all full after a picnic-style supper over a campfire, which is still crackling now. The nine of us are spread out around the flames, not so close that the heat adds to the waning rays of the sun, staring at the sky as Sam points out a bald eagle that soars overhead with a caw.

He's an expert on the nature of Bishop, California, where we're sleeping tonight. We're a few hours from Death Valley, a few hours from the stifling heat of the lowest point in the USA, and there's at least a hint of a breeze here. I'm perfectly content lying here, Arjun on one side and Young-mi on the other, as Sam plays his guitar and points out flycatchers and nuthatches and jays.

I can smell the hot wood and the flickering flames, and the hoppy scent of beer; I can hear the pop of the fire and the twitter of birdsong and Arjun's contented humming when he recognises the song Sam's playing. It's still hot, not so bad that I feel the need to get back in the shower or seek out a river, but hot enough that I don't want to do much else other than lie out in the heat.

My shirt's still off. I had to fight the urge to cover myself when everyone congregated to eat and hang out, and it feels good. No-one seems to care. Arjun's eyes momentarily lingered on my scarred side but he didn't say anything and neither did I, and now he's shirtless beside me.

I can cope a little better now, since my shower. I think I was in desperate need of that release: it's been a while since I last had sex, and I think my body was rebelling. It's weird to think that for fifteen years of my life, it never bothered me, but as soon as I lost my virginity, it became a big deal. Lily and I slept together at least once a week for almost a year; same with George and me.

Now it's been well over a month. Six weeks, I reckon. I know it's not that long, but I'm a boy of habit, and one thing this trip doesn't allow much of is alone time. That shower was long overdue, and for now, it has taken the edge off my painful longing for Arjun.

I still want him. I still desperately ache to hold him and touch him and kiss him and more, but I can keep my feelings in check. I need to, for my own sanity; for the safety of my heart.

"Want one?" he asks, sitting up on his elbows with a beer in his hand. Sam has a whole cooler full of cans and everyone is sipping ice-cold beer except me. I should probably say no, considering it was lunchtime before I got over last night's drinking, but I reason that that was vodka. I'm not used to vodka; I am very used to beer.

"Sure," I say, taking the condensation-dripping can. It cracks open with a satisfying hiss and the first chilled sip is heavenly.

"Let's play a game," Young-mi says. Sam stops playing the guitar.

"What kind of game?"

"I don't know. I don't know games. But it will be fun; we are all here," she says. Shading her eyes, she looks at me and asks, "You know any games?"

"Not really. Except, like, Monopoly. But that's not much of a quick, fun, nine-person game."

A quiet laugh goes around the group.

"Never Have I Ever," Carrie says after a moment.

That's a dangerous game. Not that I've done much, nor have I done anything I'm ashamed of – at least, that's what I think now. That will all change if someone says that they've never masturbated to the thought of someone else on this trip, because I have definitely done that, and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out who was the object of my thoughts.