A Beginner's Guide to the American West ✓

chapter forty-one

f o r t y - o n e

*

The other side of the Golden Gate Bridge feels like a world away from the hustle and bustle of San Francisco, even though it's only a mile across the water, and it's the perfect place to while away a few hours with the girls. As we drank coffee in a Sausalito café – thankfully only a few minutes away from the bus stop – Young-mi talked about her life and her family, about growing up in China without Google and Twitter and Youtube and Facebook, all those things I take for granted.

When we moved to a small park with takeaway drinks – I indulged in a coffee-free Frappuccino with extra cream and syrup, and two brownies – Kristin and Klara recounted their boarding school tales. It came as no surprise that Klara was the naughty one, sneaking out and breaking rules and skipping lessons, while Kristin, like Arjun, was a bit of a goody two-shoes.

As we walked along the waterfront, it was Arjun's turn to share the details of his life, and the mood dipped when he mentioned his brother. It quickly soared when he whipped out his cringy dad jokes, though, which lasted until we made it to another little park, this one quieter and a little more off the beaten track. Everyone already knows my history, about my absent mother and growing up in Scotland with my dad, and meeting Mum and expanding our family. There's no need to rehash it all.

But all this family talk has me thinking about my family. About seeing them again, for the first time since before they knew all of this – that I'm bi, that I was dating George, that he cheated on me, that I've met Arjun and now we're a thing. And it has me thinking about Flo, and the fact that my phone's on silent.

We sit in a circle on the grass and in a moment of bravery, while Arjun is telling some of the jokes I've already heard and already rolled my eyes at, I take out my phone and open my chat with Flo.

There are over thirty messages. Several are nonsensical keyboard smashes. Then, a series of one-word-per-text messages spell out OH. MY. HOLY. GOODNESS. MARCH. WHAT. IS. THIS. PLEASE. TELL. ME. EVERYTHING. I. AM. GONNA. SCREAM. ARE. YOU. TWO. FOR. REAL?????? A couple more texts beg me to answer her, and the latest is from over an hour ago.

FLO: i actually screamed when i saw that picture. mum thought something horrible happened and she ran in and she saw the photo on my phone so im sorry if you didn't want her to know bc now she does. but also im not really sorry bc youre ignoring me which is hella rude. also please TALK TO ME. you cant send that and then ignore your FAVOURITE SISTER if your not careful i will start calling pebs my fave brother

She's suffered enough, and I'll suffer more the longer I say nothing to her. Using Arjun's knee for support, I stand and nod over at a quiet patch of trees.

"Gimme a minute," I say to the group, and I head to somewhere I can't be overheard by anyone I know. It's after midnight at home right now, but it's the summer holidays and I know Flo's a terror when it comes to going to bed on time. Whether she's buried in a book or she's plotting revenge against me, I'm sure she'll be up.

Even so, I send a message to check before I call.

ME: are you awake?

Barely two seconds go by before grey dots appear, and soon a text from her whizzes into my inbox.

FLO: YES!!!!! YOU THINK I CAN SLEEP AFTER THAT??? ALSO YOU HAVE NOT ANSWERED ANY OF MY MESSAGES AND I KNOW YOURE ALIVE AND READING THEM

It would take far too long to reply to each of her messages, painstakingly typing out misspelled words and hoping autocorrect figures out what I mean, and I don't have the energy for staring at a tiny screen trying to read her overexcited texts, so I hit call.