George Harrison's Guide To Surviving Summer

Beach Etiquette

So we went to the beach today. And let me just say, it was anything but the relaxation and peace I was hoping for. Hence today's chapter. I really hope this will save your life like it saved mine.

(By the way see that picture up there? Do. Not. Ever. Wear. Those. Outfits. Unless you want to be relentlessly teased.)

Okay, so beach etiquette. 

1. Do not ever climb into somebody else's sand tunnel. And I'm being serious with this one. I was helping Dhani dig out his sand tunnel, like y'know, everyone does, but obviously there's only room for one person. So I saw this unclaimed yet freshly dug out tunnel a little farther away from our beach blanket and closer to the one behind us. I didn't see a raging mum with her wailing kid claiming that they were filing for harrassment now that I took their tunnel, so I climbed in.

Big mistake.

Huge mistake.

(Yes. It was John's. Look, I had no idea he was going to be at this same exact beach we were. Spoiler: He was not happy.)

2. Wear hats and sunglasses. And not because it's going to be sunny. When you're just relaxing on your beach blanket and thinking that nothing could possibly go wrong now, you're completely wrong. Out of the blue, on a perfectly sunny, 35 degree type day, there will be wind. And it's not just a little flicker or a shallow breeze. It's a frickin windstorm already. Call me dramatic. Tell me that I'm overreacting. But you did say that your copy of "The Sun Also Rises" now has sand in it.

And the fact that you brought sunglasses and and a hat made sure that your eyes are now free of sand. 

3. Back away from the sandcastle. Before you think about doing this epic smackdown of the sandcastle and watch a child's dreams melt into the sand (no I don't regret that shuddup), make sure there are no children around. Oh, there aren't? Then back off. They could be under the drawbridge for all you know, and come out and file a lawsuit against you.

Liv is now telling me that sandcastles don't have drawbridges. 

I am now rethinking my life decisions.

4. All ice cream vendors are here to rip you off. It's hot. And it's going to take about five minutes for this ice cream to completely melt. And how far away is your beach blanket? Six minutes, I see.

THIS IS A SUICIDE MISSION I TELL YOU

(Oh my god, why is every single member of my family finding the pleasure to diss me right now? Stop reading this over my shoulder, Dhani, and telling me I'm being dramatic.

You're being dramatic and who even asked you whatever shush)

5. Crabs don't like humans. Back off. Don't even think about picking up that cutesy little crab you found. Step over it, calmly call every friend you have and tell them to get the crab away from you, and then spend the rest of the afternoon in your car.

6. Why don't you just go home already? It's already been a shitty day and why did I have to do thisss

Before you ask, yes, all of these things happened to me. And I handled them like a mature adult.

Maybe.

Yeah I completely freaked out okay whatever