| Some Poems |

♧ Ghosts ♧

Please ignore how bad the first stanza is, I know its trash, but wrote this in the middle of the night while bawling my eyes out, please don't judge the whole poem by its first part.

Tired, I'm Tired,
I can't see truly,
There are ghost everywhere I look,
They aren't real,
but I know I can see them,

They don't hurt me,
Instead they crawl inside of me,
Resting in my lungs,
I can't breathe,
My breath goes short,
Air trapped in my oesophagus,
Like hands wrapped around my throat,
I can't breathe,

Laying in my head,
They give me nightmares,
I don't sleep anymore,
They keep me awake,
My bones rattle as I shake,
If I close my eyes I won't like what I see,
But I'm too tired to stay awake,
The haunting images in my head can't hurt me,
Unless I were to let them,
All day I remind myself,
What I see in my sleep isn't who I am,
These images and mere thoughts can't hurt me,
They mean nothing,

Staying awake too long causes hallucinations,
Is that what I'm seeing,
That can't be true,
Because if it weren't for the ghost I would have been sleeping,

On my shoulders,
Weighing me down through the day,
I can't walk properly,
Standing is difficult,
I'm to tired and weak to carry this weight,
But I will try my best,
Because there is no other way,
I am exhausted,
Through the day I am dizzy and vague,
Nobody else can see the devil on my shoulders,

In my ears,
It tells me what to say,
I have no control,
I don't know what I mean,
I don't know why I'm saying it,
I haven't got a choice,
It's the ghost,
It's always the ghost,

Screaming in my ears,
Shouting to loud,
I can't hear my own thoughts,
But that's just the idea,
My self control is lost,
I'm shaking,
The weight on my shoulders crushes me,
I'm on the floor,
Breathing to fast,
Gasping for air,
I can feel my lungs crushing around the ghosts whom inhabit them,
They rip,
The ghosts are on my back,
Weighing me down so I'm doubled over on my knees,
Everything is too loud,
This storm isn't ending any time soon,

In storms like these,
my own pain is there to remind me that am alive,
I am awake and present,
The ghosts hurt me,
Ripping at my lungs,
Shouting in my ears,
Scratching on my shoulders and down my arms,
It hurts me and it isn't right,
But it helps,
I remind myself,
I need this and the ghost are helping me,
They use these thoughts to their advantage,

What would happen if I disobeyed the spirit in my ears,
Would I be punished,
Would it disappear,
Would it simply mock me,
If I ignore the disembodied soul would it hate me,
Would it leave me for another,
If it left me would I burden another with this demon,
Another soul haunted and sleepless like my own,
Would it pass to a friend,
Someone close,

When my ghost leaves what will I do,
How will I know what to say,
Where to stand,
What will keep me on the ground,
If the extra weight goes how will I balance,
What if I can't stand anymore,
And what will happen to my dreams,
Will they disappear,
What will happen to my sleep,
Will it be empty,
Would I be able to sleep any more,
My brain would stop,
Where would I go if I died,
Would I breathe again,
I could breathe freely,
But maybe they are there for the best,
The holes they have left in my lungs are also being mended by them,
They plug the holes with their weight,
What would happen if they left,

Maybe it's better if they stay,
Perhaps I wouldn't be so alone,
The ghosts aren't good for me,
But I need them,
My health is deteriorating,
But I'm surviving,
Barely but still so,

I won't sleep,
I will remain tired and that's okay,
For that seems to the condition of the ghost staying,
They help me when no one else can,
Which is quite frequent might I add,
The voices in my head make me interesting,
The weight on my back keeps me grounded,
The pressure in my lungs keeps me alive,
They stay,
I will treat them nicely,
Because at the end of the day it's my own demons that keep me alive,
Nobody else could be bothered to do that much for me.