Supernaturellement fun

Car Radio (Song Fic) [ENG]

(Dean's PoV) (pas encore corrigé)

I'm driving the Impala for hours. Alone. There's no sound beside the sound of the wheels on the road.
Sam isn't here and my radio is broken.

We were attack by a buch of vampires yesterday and those sons of bitches almost destroyed my car. I fixed it enough so my baby can drive but I didn't have enough time to fix my tape player.

The silents is unbearable.
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire.

Damn, I wish I could hear a sound. Anything.
I wanna chat with Sam. About anything, anything to keep me away from my thoughts.
I know it's dire my time today
But
I have these thoughts, so often.
It's eating me alive.

I can't stand the emptiness of my car's front board. I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought.
Anything will do the job. But please don't leave me like this.
'Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence.

I'm fighting against my thoughts. So badly.
Sometimes quiet is violent. It's one of my worst enemy.
I find it hard to hide it. But I can't let myself think. I just can't.

My pride is no longer inside.
Since a very long time I pretend to be proud but the truth is I a no self esteem.

I try to resist so fucking hard to keep my thoughts away. But they keep coming back. Waves of terrifying thoughts.
And I know it's just a matter of time. My skin will scream reminding me of who I killed inside my dream.

All the people who died because of me.They haunt me all the time. I see them when I close my eyes and I keep hearing them scream.

They scream and cry
I can hear them in my head

Why ?

Why this fucking radio is broken?

Why can't it play just one fucking song ?

Play God damn it ! Fucking play ! 

Play Something! Anything ! Please just anything but don't leave me like that

Fuck
I hate this car that I'm driving
Because now there's no hiding for me and I'm forced to deal with what I feel
And there is no distraction to mask what is real.

Help me.
Somebody help me to kill those nightmares inside of my head.

I wanna listen to my tapes. I need to listen to my tapes. To think about anything else than those bloody faces inside of my brain.

I could pull the steering wheel and drive for hours and hours trying to hold on but I know I'm gonna crack.

And they're back. I still have these thoughts.
I have these thoughts, so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought.

Fuck my sanity
'Cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence

It's driving me crazy
'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind I find over the course of our human existence

It's always the same
One thing consists of consistence. And it's that we're all battling fear.
Me, Sammy, Cas, every other hunter in this god damn planet.We are trapped in this loop of pain and fear and grief and...
Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here
That's the point to even feel anything ?! Am I just a soldier here to save the world ? Why does it costs so much ? Why does it breaks me apart ? Why does it hurts my family ? Why ...
Oh my, too deep, please stop thinking
Shut up Dean. Shut up. You're stronger than this ! You can fight it. Just focus. Focus on the road. And...and on this rassurering smell of leather coming from the shotgun seat. And...and...and focus on anything else. Please anything.

Fuck. It's so hard.
I liked it better when my car had sound.

There are things we can do but from the things that work there are only two :
Fight and keep fighting

And from the two that we choose to do, you can't stop any of them. Or you die. Or worst

You gotta try to stay hopeful. Even if, in my case, hope is dead a long time ago.
But I keep repeating myself :
Peace will win and fear will lose

It is faith and there's sleep
I don't have any of those.
But we need to pick one please because faith is to be awake. And to be awake is for us to think. And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try.
Try to think without dying.
For you Sammy.
To let you know you need to try to think.
In peace.

The thoughts are back again.
Blood
Screams. Begging me.

This will never stop
Never.
I know it.

I can try drowning them in my music but then they will come back violently. And one day it will kill me.

I have these thoughts, so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence

And now I just sit in silence

My vision is blurry

And now I just sit in silence

I can't bear the screams inside my head

And now I just sit in silence

My hands are shaking

And now I just sit in silence

I can't breathe

And now I just sit in silence

I can't see the road

Now I just sit in silence

I can't control my car

Now I just sit in silence

The crash is quick and harsh

Now I just sit in silence

The blood is in my mouth

Now I just sit in silence

I feel my eyes clothing

Now I just sit in silence

And the thoughts finally stopped 

And now I just sit in silence