Hopeless Place

Chapter 7

It had been three days. Three successful days of avoiding the brown eyed goddess that goes by the name Juliana. Three long and dreadful days. Every morning Valentina was ready to give up this stupid idea, every lunch she wanted to sit next to Juliana and every dinner she continued to stare at the girl sitting three tables away from her. The most painful part was that Juliana hadn't once tried to talk to her. Not once had she taken her plate and sat down next to Valentina.

So maybe she was doing the right thing by avoiding Juliana but it felt so wrong. As if every part of her body craved to be near the other girl but she didn't allow it. At this point she was just torturing herself.

To make matters a little worse, she had been going through withdrawal. Cold sweats, nightmares and for some reason it included vomiting. The first time she had to puke she had gone to ask to see a doctor but as it turns out this is something very common and they didn't even bother paying much attention to it. She remembers thinking of Eva and how that woman would react if she knew, she would have threatened to sue the damn place.

But Eva wasn't here. Neither was Guille or Lucia or Sergio or even Lucho. She was alone and the only person who had been there for her was now staying at a distance. The notebook laid before her.

So I've been thinking. The reason I'm pushing Juliana away is because I don't want her to leave me if I were to say that I might like her. But isn't pushing her away the exact same thing. Except that she has no idea what's going on. Although if she had really cared wouldn't she have asked what was going on? How it could be that one day we are laying on the roof staring at each other and the next I won't even sit at the same table as her during lunch.

A knock interrupted her thinking. She nearly jumped up at the unexpected sound. She didn't know if it was hope but she thought it had to be Juliana. There was no one else that would care about her, no one else that would want to talk to her. With shaky legs she got up to open the door.

"You've been ignoring me and I gave you precisely 72 hours to figure out what it is that causes you to shut me out but you're time is up. I will not allow you to drift into some kind of depression or whatever. And the truth is that you don't have to tell me what's wrong but you can't shut everyone out, you can't sit in your room all day on your own."

Juliana stood there waiting for a reply, anything but Valentina kept her mouth shut. Instead she looked behind her at the notebook. Juliana noticed and followed the look.

"Wait, does that stupid book have anything to do with it?" Juliana walked past the other girl towards the desk. She picked it up, closing it in a smooth sweep. "You don't have to write in this, it was a suggestion."

"No, Juls, that's not it." The fear that maybe Juliana would accidentally read what she had written crept up on her. Her eyes didn't leave the notebook in Juliana's hands.

"Then what is it? Did I do something?" Her demeanor changed. From strict and emotionless to slightly insecure.

"You didn't do anything."

"Then why won't you let me help you?"

"Maybe that's the problem. You keep doing great things, showing me nice places, giving me gifts and..." Valentina cut herself off before she could say too much.

"And what?"

"I'm not used to someone caring." Her eyes fell to the floor, that was easier than looking at the girl's face. One look and she'd break. One look and she'd confess everything she had been hiding for the past days.

"Well get used to it because I care." Juliana took a step closer to her and grabbed her hands.

Surprisingly enough it wasn't a look that broke Valentina, it was the soft feeling of Juliana's thumb caressing the back of her hand. Her eyes shot up but lingered on the girl's lips. Juliana was standing so close, she could nearly feel her breath causing Valentina to nearly forget to breathe herself. It would be so easy to close the distance between them, to feel the softness of those beautiful lips against her own. So then why was it so hard for her? The little voice in the back of her mind still controlling her actions.

She wondered if Juliana had noticed her staring when her gaze finally reached the brown eyes. Nothing in them gave away how the girl felt. But Valentina could feel her hands start to sweat in Juliana's. She had to do something, say something or things would get awkward. Yet her mind seemed to resist and her body remained completely frozen under Juliana's stare.

"I can't do this." Valentina finally succeeded in pulling her hands back.

"What is it that you can't do?"

Valentina opened her mouth to reply but shut it without a single sound coming out. Her mind had shut down completely.

Until it hadn't. Even though the words didn't come, her body started moving again. Maybe it was the tension from the past few days, maybe it was the withdrawal or maybe it was just the way Juliana looked at her. The distance between them disappeared. Valentina cupped her cheeks and pressed her lips against Juliana's, softly and slowly moving them. She wanted to cherish this moment, it might have been her only chance to ever kiss the girl. At least that's what she thought until she felt Juliana follow her pace. Lips moving in sync.

Her heart sped up and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She didn't want to pull away from the girl, didn't want to stop, but she could feel her hands start shaking.

Juliana's eyes remained closed a second too long, her lips following Valentina as she pulled away. "I think you did a pretty good job though." She spoke.

"I'm sorry." Valentina apologized while shaking her head, trying her best to make sense of the situation.

"I'm not." Juliana replied. "Is that why you were avoiding me?"

She didn't know how to reply. But her eyes told the story. Anyone would be able to see that the answer was clearly yes and Valentina felt like a complete idiot for being so obvious. Despite feeling like that she had a huge grin on her face when Juliana's soft laugh filled her ears and her even softer lips briefly touched hers. It felt like the world stopped turning for just a second and nothing else mattered. And when Juliana started laughing again Valentina made a single wish, that this could last forever.