I Don't Need You (A Zayn Malik Fan Fiction)

Chapter 31~ Letters of Ambition

Chapter 31~ Kali

As soon as Niall dropped me off at home I thanked him and apologized for making him go through that. After we said our goodbyes I raced up the stairs and locked myself in my room. Letting out a frustrated yell I throw my pillows and everything that was on my bed as I fall to the floor, beside my bed. "I HATE YOU", I cry out as I slam my first on the floor. I'm so dumb, I'm the one that wanted to see him and as soon as I do I want to run away. I shouldn't have stayed so long at his house. If I would have just left right away I might not have had to see him.

My hand moves to touch my left wrist, the wrist he held, the wrist the bracelet used to sit on. That damn picture, that damn bracelet, those damn letters...the letters. I digin my bag and pull out the small pile of paper, each one with a small number on top.

I place each paper in order and just stare at them before I start to read them.

April 14th - Monday

Hi Kali,

So...I needed to talk to someone but I feel like the only person I could talk to about what I'm feeling is you, but you just broke up with me. It's currently noon and it's been about four or five hours since we've gotten off the phone. It was about an hour later when the boys came in and found me in a sobbing mess. I don't know what to feel right now, exept stupidity. I was so wrong and no matter how drunk I was I shouldn't have let that girl kiss me. You are so fucking important to me and now I feel absolutely destroyed. I knew how much trust and loyalty meant to you and I broke it and for that I don't think I can even forgive myself. The boys told me if we love each other, just like other couples, we'll find our way back. I'm hoping this is true. I promise when I come home tomorrow I will fix this. I miss you. 

I need you

-Zayn

Tears are brimming my eyes and I quickly wipe them away before reading the next letter. 

April 15th - Tuesday

Anna just stopped by. You returned the bracelet, why? I figured you'd at least keep that. I was kind of pissed because you were already returning something important without even talking to me. Please tell Anna I'm sorry I shut the door in her face. Baby I miss you and I was so stupid. Today while I was at the airport a girl came up to me and she mentioned you. She wanted me to tell you how amazing you are but her exact words were...they were, "Tell your girlfriend I think she's amazing". You're amazing for everything you can do and believe in and I hope you can believe I can, that we can, fix this. I hope that we can talk and fix this before you return my jacket. I remember the night I gave it to you. You were cold and as I placed it around your shoulders and you slipped your arms into the sleeves...you snuggled into my jacket and smiled up at me. I asked why you were smiling and you said it was becuase the jacket was your now. You looked so good in it, I mean you always look good but something about that night just was different. I love you Kali. Losing you forever would-

I can't continue reading, not only because I don't want to but because I'm a crying mess and can't read the words anymore. A part of me actually feels guilty for returning his jacket but I needed it out of my closest. I can't forgive him yet though ...can I?

"Kali?", Anna's home. I quickly wipe my eyes and try to shove the papers away before Anna walks in. The door handle jiggles, "Kali?"

"One second!", I call back. I didn't realize I messed my half of the room up so much.

"Kali! Open the door!", she sounds frantic.

"Anna please just wait!"

"No, open the door, please! Kali, now!", she starts banging on the door.

I groan and quickly unlock the door and when I open it Anna immediately throws her arms around me. "Nice to see you too", I try to laugh to calm her down. 

She let's go of my body only to take my face in her hands. "Are you okay? Shit, Kali, never lock the doors when you're alone!"

Mom mode is kicking in, great! "I'm fine Anna! Jesus, I'm not a baby", I bat her hands away. I know she is only watching out for me but I hate when her and Louis go into 'baby Kali' mode.

"I know that but...you know", she shrugs and sadly sighs. Before I can respond she is already speaking again. "Kali what did you do to the room?", she walks past me and starts picking up my blanket and pillows.

"I-uh-was upset", I fold my arms over my chest. I watch her pick things up and notice the letters scattered. I rush over and pick up all the papers before she can, which earns me a questioning look. As I neatly pick them up and pile them I count the pages, all there. I let out a sigh of relief as I stand up, only to be met with Anna curiously watching me.

"What are those?", she takes a step closer to me and I step back.

I clutch the papers to my chest, "Nothing for you". I'm pretty sure if Zayn was hesitant to even give them to me he wouldn't want Anna to see them. But...why should I care? We're broken up, but that's a big invasion of privacy.

"Kali? Did those make you cry?", she points to Zayn's letters.

I sigh, "Anna, you can't read them".

"And why not?", she crosses her arms and pouts. I can't help but roll my eyes, typical Anna.

"Because I said so. They're for my eyes only".

She's not caving, "PLEASE! Pretty please"

"No Anna! They're from Zayn!", as soon as those words come out I cover my mouth and watch Anna's eyes go wide. "Shit"

"What? How?", she tugs my arm and makes me sit on my bed with her.

"He-uh-he gave them to me", I pull the papers away from my chest and set them on my lap, still holding them in a tight grip.

"Kali...when- you went today didn't you?"

"Yeah", I fiddle with the papers. "Niall took me to get my things and Zayn showed up." I can feel myself wanting to cry.

"Did you talk to him? What was said?", Anna pushes for answers. "Are things-"

"I didn't even plan on talking to him. It was a mistake, I can't go back to him Anna. No matter what, I have to move forward", I cut her off.

Her face looks sad as I speak to her. She sighs and nods, "Okay".

Wait she's not gonna fight back? "O-okay? You're okay with this?

She looks up from her hands and her face is an expression I've never seen on her before, defeat. "I can't push you to do things you don't want to, but this time you've just given up and if you can, I can".

"Anna", I know she didn't mean it harshly but that's how it sounded. "I'm s-", I was about to apologize but I shouldn't need to, I don't need to. This is how I feel. Yes, I miss Zayn but I don't want to be with him, I can't. That is my decision and I won't apologize. "No, I'm not sorry Anna. You can want me to be but I'm not. I'm not". I shove the letters at her, "I can't rely on Zayn for my happiness. I need to be happy, truly happy with myself before I find happiness with others". My voice cracks as I talk but I keep going. "You may want me to get back with Zayn because we were happy but what's the use of being happy with someone if I can't behappy on my own. Me, Anna, that's what I need to be happy. I need me!" By the time I'm finished talking I'm a crying mess, but I feel better.

Anna has the biggest smile on her face as she throws her arms around me. I cry into her shoulder and laugh at the same time. She gently strokes my hair, "I am so proud of you Kali. That is the most powerful thing you've ever said. I am so proud of you." She crys into my shoulder, "I should never have pushed you to do anything you didn't want to. You're a strong girl."

I pull back and wipe my eyes, as Anna does the same we smile at each other. "We look like messes", I laugh.

She pushes some hair out of my eyes, "C'mon, let's get washed up, put away these pieces of paper, forget boys and go get some food!"

Forget boys, forget Zayn...that's what I need.

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[a/n] So this is the second to last chapter. Chapter 32 will be the final chapter. Sorry If anyone is disappointed but I need to wrap this story up