Lost in Lust

4: Find You Again.

HEYYO!
Guys have you been seeing the Shawn and Camila pictures and videos? 

I just saw a video of them making out in a bar! My shawmila heart is quaking :')

Enjoy chapter 4!

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Chapter 4:

Find You Again.

 I took his hand.

His familiar touch still seemed to make me fuzzy.I looked down at our intersecting hands and I had two thoughts in mind: One, Those damn fingers I'm touching can do wonders. Two, I'm holding hands with a guy who considered me as a one night stand.

"Where are you taking me?" I croaked out. I was nervous and I didn't exactly understand what was going on. The guy I was so infatuated with, the guy who used me, the guy who has a part in breaking me, was right here next to me, after two years.

I watched him as he looked at me intently. "You'll see." He replied. I furrowed my eyebrows in both confusion and frustration.

"You actually think i'd go with you without even knowing where?" I asked him, saying the you part in disgust. He picked up on it and sighed. I wasn't going to let what he did go. I wasn't going to let anything go.

"That night we met.You had just met me and still you trusted me enough to take you somewhere without even knowing where I was taking you. Why do you choose not to believe me now?" He asked. His eyes showed a hint of confusion. I looked at him in complete and utter shock.

"Is that even a question? You literally stood me up and left me the morning after! You-" I was going to say 'you broke me' but I decided against it. I was going to let him know that he had that much power over me. "- you can't just expect me to be that same girl you met two years ago." I continued the rest of the sentence lowly. He was hurt. I didn't know why, but he was hurt. He wasn't expecting to see me like this. He thought I was the same girl he met years ago. The happy one. The one who had no care in the world. 

"I'm sorry. Something came up and I had to leave immediately. I can't really tell you why, but I can show you a part of it." He tugged at my hand and gave me a desperate look. "Beautiful , just come with me. I don't want it to be like this." He closed his eyes. I watched his curls as they were tossed around with the wind. "Please." , he whispered out lowly and slowly.

I went towards his motorcycle, completely disappointed in myself. Was this the right choice? I was just really curious. I wanted to unveil the truth behind that one night. Part of me just wanted to believe that he had a reason to leave. That he didn't just leave like that.
Like he didn't use me.

For the past two years, I was convinced he just wanted to use me. That he played me. And now, I have a chance to prove myself wrong. Perhaps, maybe the slightest chance. I was going to take it. 

I wanted  him to prove me wrong.

He smiled as he watched me hop on. "I said don't call me beautiful." I glared at him as I said that sentence. I didn't need to be reminded of the time we spent together. He chuckled and sat in front of me. I stared at his back for a good minute. Is this even real? Is he seriously right in front of me?

"You might want to hold on to me , unless you want to fall that is." He said. I could literally hear his smirk. "I'd rather fall off." I replied. No I didn't. I very much wanted to feel him again. The tension was unbearable. But I was stronger than that.

He started the motorcycle and we drove off. The wind was so warm, in a good way. It danced with my hair and I laid back a bit and closed my eyes. I was doing fine the first bit, but then he turned left and I was forced to hug his waist so that I wouldn't fall.  

His tense body was no longer tense anymore. I could feel him loosen up between my arms. Shamefully , I felt my self loosen up too. I didn't want it this way, I didn't want to see him ever again.

My eyes got stuck on my arms. Two years ago, I was in the same position, with my arms around his waist. On the same motorcycle. He still uses the same cologne. The memories are eating me up.

Flashback: -

I've never been on a motorcycle before but I was more excited than scared.

The wind danced with my hair as he sped to god knows where. I kissed his back and hugged him tightly. Only 5 hours ago I was in my room with just Tatiana and my family. And now? I don't even know where i'm at, who i'm with or where i'm going. All i know is that this felt right to me.

He stopped the motorcycle at a motel and carried me bridal style again. He walked in without the receptionist even questioning him, so I guessed he has been staying here for a bit. He went into his room and closed the door with his leg.

End of flashback:-

We made it to a stop. It was a very dark alley. I started asking myself why I came with him. Why was I in an alley and what was he going to do with me. Was he going to hit me? Rape me? Kill me?

I honestly didn't give a fuck anymore. If this is the part where I die then I didn't really care.

"You know what, if you took me to this alley to kill me or something just do it already." I said, impatiently and with disinterest. I should've never believed him.

"What? No! Why would I do that? I've spent months trying to find you!" He looked at me with disbelief. Why was he so shocked by what I just said? I didn't know him at all, he could be a serial killer for all I know. Why doesn't he get that?

There was a slight pause in the atmosphere. He then asked, "Why don't you fear death? What made you like this? Was it me?" He asked way too many personal questions. I felt my walls shaking. My barrier. The barrier between the me who loves too much ,and the me who loves so little. 

He was triggering way too many emotions and memories. I hated that.

"No. Not entirely anyway." I simply replied, looking at the wall behind him. I could see him furrowing his eyebrows though. 

"Then what's wrong?" He asked with a shaky voice. It was almost as if he cared, but he didn't. I should've seen it earlier. I should've seen it two years ago. The way I view life right now. It was self protection. To me, few care. Very few. No one truly cares unless it involves them.

I had to learn that the hard way.

"Last time I checked, I was the one who was promised answers, not you." I said with impatience. I looked at him again. His eyes held pity. I didn't want to be pitied. I didn't want sympathy.

"Very well, but before I can show you what I wanted you to see, I have something important I have to tell you first." He said. I leaned my head to the side, signaling him to go on.

His body posture changed. He wasn't comfortable, I can see that. He was trying so hard to say what he had to say. I could see that from the way he bit the inside of his cheeks. From the way his eyes darted left and right. He was stuck in his thoughts.

A feeling I'm so familiar with.

"I'm part of the Italian mafia."

***

It's 2:33 am i cri.

I just got back from egypt yesterday!

Anywhore,

Please comment and vote!
Read my other Shawmila story, "Her Art Wall", if you feel like it!

Adios Amigos!