Lost in Lust

6: Finding Her.

HEYYYO

enjoyy!

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Chapter 6:

Finding Her

Shawn and I stood beside his motorcycle, us both being deep in our thoughts. I didn't want to, but part of me believed him. But he could've acted in a completely different way. I would've understood. He wasn't feeling well, he felt guilty and empty. I wasn't feeling well either. I guess we were both just trying to fix things up mentally , within our own selves.

"Shawn?" I said softly, turning me head a bit so I could look at him properly. I took the time to admire him. The way he looked up, showing his adams apple. His jaw was so outlined, his soft curls blended in perfectly with the sun setting behind him. He was a fallen masterpiece , that just so happened to be right next to me.

"Yeah?" He said in a very low voice. Turning his head, my brown eyes met his hazel ones. It felt exactly the way it did the night we met, two years ago. Fuck, why does it feel the same. 

"Do you like being in a mafia?" I asked. I didn't know why, but it didn't bother me. It didn't bother me that he's done some bad stuff. It didn't bother me that he's killed people. Why?

"It's all I've known my entire life." He smiled at me softly. It was a sad smile. He was brought into this life,  I don't think there will be a way out of it. He's been dealing it with it since he was a kid, I can see that now.

"I don't judge you, if that's what you're thinking. I get it. Surprisingly, i'm not even bothered by it."  I leaned in closer to him and whispered, "Honestly , I think it's kind of cool." I giggled as I said that and he looked at me with amusement.

"Wow. i thought you would've run away from me by now." Ruffling my hair, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes as I felt the sensation of his lips on my skin again. I've been with a million guys, and only he gets to make my knees weak.

"Please tell me you feel it too." He whispered on my neck, his breath fanning over it. A shiver went up my spine. I just wanted to feel him again.

"The desire.The want. The lust. Everything." He whispered yet again, leaning in more. He stopped at the realization of what was happening and shook his head to wake himself up, back into reality.

I was actually relieved he stopped. As much as I wanted to feel his touch again, what happened between us was fucked up. He was still apart of the worst time of my life. Nothing could ever change that.

"Can you take me home please?" I asked him. Nodding at me, he smiled. He hopped on the motorcycle , starting the engine. I soon hopped on after, wrapping my arms around his waist. Laying my cheek between his shoulder blades, he took off.

I felt relieved. I was happy that some of the memories from that night became clearer to me.It made me feel instantly better about myself. He didn't leave me because i wasn't good enough. He didn't leave me because he considered me as a one night stand. I should be scared, but he left me because he was in a mafia and had some shit to deal with. It comforted me.

Fucked up. It was all so fucked up. My life and his. Two fucked up lives will cause even more unwanted drama and attention. I seriously didn't want that right now. As much as I wanted Shawn, my happiness was more important to me. 

I gave him the directions and soon enough, I found myself in front of my house. I hopped off his bike and turned around. "Thank you for today. I appreciate everything you did." He smiled and hopped off too. I felt the tension getting heavier as he walked towards me. He towered over me with his height. Tilting my head up, I met his hazel eyes once more. 

" No. Thank you for giving me a chance and for listening to me. I honestly thought this was going to be way worse. You understood why I acted the way I did that day, and I'm grateful for that. Thank you again." He wrapped his arms around me and laid his chin on my head. Inhaling his scent, I decided to not let go for a short while.

Our bodies fit perfectly together. Literally , they fit just like a puzzle. We stayed like this for a minute and then I let go. I watched him as he leaned close next to my ear in confusion. "I let you go once, i'm not doing that again."

~~~*shawn*~~~

I don't know how I did it. I don't know I had the courage to tell her. But she knows the truth now, and I trust her with it.

I can't believe i saw her today. After two years of just thinking about her, I got to see that beautiful face again. Her hair was still very long, a bit straighter than before. Her lips still had this effect on me, I just wanted to feel them on mine again. She looked the same. But she wasn't the same.

I could see it in her eyes, just how much she changed. She was tougher now, for self-protection I believe. She wasn't as happy as she was before and I get that. Things change. Some stuff changed her. I just want to know what exactly.

Camila.
Her name suit her well. It has this sexy latin ring to it. The name was intriguing just like she was.

Entering the room, I saw dad at his desk and approached him. "Hey dad." He looked up at me and smiled. His black hair had very few strands of grey in them now, so did his beard. His few wrinkles showed at the corner of his eyes as he smiled up at me.

"Hey Canada." He said. Laughing I sat down on the chair before him. "Hey Rome." I smiled back at him. My dad and I had a really deep connection. Our family has been through a lot, but that seemed to get us closer. 

"What's gotten you into a good mood today?" He asked with his left eyebrow arched up. I chuckled as he winked up at me. " I saw the girl i've been looking for." 

He then furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me with a serious and a thoughtful stare. "That girl you really liked two years ago?" He asked. Smiling at the thought of her, I nodded. "Yeah the one and only , dad." 

"Son that's amazing!" His smile was so bright. So lively. He was genuinely happy for me. "Yeah dad it is. I'm going to do everything in my power to get her to be mine and back into my arms." 

There was a slight pause in the air. The thought of her made me feel at peace. Her hair, her eyes, that damn body of hers. "Camila Cabello" I smiled as I said her name out loud.

"WHAT?" I heard my dad yell lowly to himself.  He had this look of disbelief written all over his face. "That's her name." I replied in confusion.

He leaned in closer to me. I could feel his heart beat fastening up its pace. "Brown hair?Brown eyes? Pointed nose? Kind of short?" He asked all these surprisingly specific questions all at once. I was so damn confused.

"Yeah.. What's wrong dad?"

He sat back onto his chair. He put his face between his hands and shook his head in disbelief. He was frantic and so confused. Consumed with shock.

"Dad what's wrong?"

"You found her."

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Read my other shawmila story "Her Art Wall" if u feel like it!

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