Nalu One-Shots

Nalu Lemon Rants

HEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO Its iloveCry4eva here to rant about Nalu Lemons.... Now lets get started. (If you're sensitive to cussing don't read. I'm gonna be cussing up a shitload.) This is Rated R, Wattpad said. But I'm keeping the rating at PG-13. So beware.

1. Unresponsive Natsu

So first on my ranting list is Unresponsive Natsu! So I've read tons of Nalu lemons (my guilty pleasure), and some of them have a lot in common. One being that Natsu is an unresponding asshole. :)

Jesus fucking christ, I hate this so much. So if Natsu and Lucy are having sex, and they are pleasuring one another, this is what usually happens.

"LUCY WAS BURNING IN PLEASURE!!!! SHE SQUIRMED UNDER HIS TOUCH, PRACTICALLY SCREAMING OUT HER MOANS!!! Natsu moaned. LUCY COULDN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!"

DO YOU SEE MY FUCKING PROBLEM!?!?!?!? Lucy is over here screaming her moans and then they put Natsu as a small little, barely noticeable moan. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!? IS THIS WHAT PEOPLE CALL CONTENT!?!?!? Believe me, there is so many stories that do that. Its so irritating and now I've literally refused to read them.... LET NATSU BE RESPONSIVE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!! I wanna see him moaning and in the same position as Lucy! Is that so hard to ask?

2. Lucy Taking All the Pleasure

        Second on my list is Lucy Taking All the Pleasure! Again, I've read too many stories that have this and I wont read them. Nope, if I see no Natsu pleasure, I'm not reading it. MOST OF THE NALU LEMONS HAVE THESE!!! ITS LITERALLY JUST A WHOLE STORY OF JUST LUCY PLEASURE!!! NOW WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO READ THAT!?!?

(Fun fact: I am obsessed with Natsu getting pleasured, and him being submissive, not dominant, and Lucy on top. That is why I hate this.)

        IF ITS JUST GONNA HAVE LUCY GETTING PLEASURED, FUCKING SAY THAT! I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY FUCKING TIME ON A STORY ABOUT JUST LUCY!!!!!! (no offense Lucy) I wanna get some of that Natsu pleasure of him squirming, moaning, begging, and pleading. But can I have that? Of course not, because people think its okay to write a lemon about one person getting pleasured! All Natsu is doing is pleasuring her and, my god, its so fucking stupid... hey to tell you the truth if it was just Natsu getting pleasured, I would be totally okay with that.

3. Short Pleasure

Here I am again to fucking correct the mistakes of my peers. Short Pleasure... Its pretty much saying that if both Natsu and Lucy get pleasure. Lucy part is usually hella bigger than Natsus. Lucy would be getting pleasured for like 2 chapters, while Natsu's pleasure be like 2 paragraphs. Like hel-lo! I want some Natsu pleasure, do I need to keep repeating it?

4. Words or Phrases They Say

Never been really bothered by it, but now I am. I hate it when Natsu be like "I'm gonna fuck her 'till she cant stand." Ummm... Can you not? Its so unromantic like that and ruins the mood. Like if you wanna fuck a prostitute, go ahead, use the word fuck. BUT IF ITS A GIRL YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH, I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT WORD COMING FROM YOUR MOUTH!! Love-making, have sex with, do it, GOD DAMN IT EVEN MATE WOULD BE BETTER THAN FUCK! Another word is pussy, eww. Please don't. That word severely bothers me when used in stories. Its like....no. Say VAGINA FOR FUCKS SAKE! The word pussy is extremely revolting.

5. Undetailed Sex

I hate it when Nalu lemons are shorter than the rant I'm writing, and right now that's 600. Let me give you an example:

"Natsu grabbed Lucy's boobs, she moaned and came. Lucy switched positions she grabbed his dick and moved up and down, he came."

Like what the actual fuck? Like no joke, mine was probably more detailed and better written than half the lemons. If you don't know how to write one, please don't write it. (Though I cant really say anything because I have never written a lemon so...)

Random Comments that don't need Paragraphs:

Please don't make Lucy blush when Natsu takes off his shirt or something. She always sees his chest, no need to add a blush.

Stop making Natsus dick be as tall as the Eiffel tower.

If Lucy is a badass, make her a badass in bed and not a cutesy, shy girl.

If Lucy says shes gonna be dominant, LET HER BE FUCKING DOMINANT!

Stop making Natsu some kind of sex god.

Lucy would probably be more kinky and stuff because of books.

If Natsu is in heat or something, shouldn't he be on the bottom, letting Lucy take away all his sexual desires?

Please stop making Lucy innocent, she probably isn't.

In AUs, she would probably be the sex queen, stop making her a badass and player, if you cant show her in  bed like a boss.

Why does Natsu escape every time Lucy traps his hands, but Lucy cant?

Stop making Lucy be a pleasure hog.

Being on the bottom is not feminine. Dont ever say that.

Last Thing,

IF ANYONE KNOWS REALLY GOOD NALU LEMONS THAT HAVE A LOT OF NATSU PLEASURE, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME AND TELL ME THE NAME! I've already read Nightmares, Writers Block, Smoke and Peaches, Panty Possession and Beastly Possession. Those are the best ones I have read. SERIOUSLY, IF YOU KNOW ANY SEND IT TO ME RIGHT AWAY! I WANNA BE SHOWN UP AND HAVE A FANFICTION BE THE FUCKING BOMB, THAT IT WOULD TOTALLY DISMISS THIS RANT.

(So that's the end of my rant and Have a good day everyone!) Plus if you have any more rants that should be added to this, Personal Message me! I will put it on right away! So...

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