𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗱 𝗽𝗵𝗼𝘁𝗼

chapter five - where secrets lie

𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑀𝑒
𝑛𝑖𝑙𝑢

        Jisoo finished the last of her breakfast while she listened to her mother speak about her plans for when she returned home, and not to worry about her. "I'll be going from here, Soo. Thank you for everything." She stood up, laying down the cash for the meal. "Stay safe as you travel, okay? And don't let that boy's attitude affect your work. Many people in this world suffer through terrible things, and each one of them deals with it in a different way, so don't be quick to judge when you're frustrated."
        "I understand," Jisoo answered. She collected her mother's money after she turned around, before laying her own down. She placed her mother's cash inside the pocket of her luggage. Her mother always took care of her, so she refused to let her pay for her meal now that she was an adult and was able to return the favor.  "Please take care of yourself, mom. Let Veronica help you out. Promise me that you don't overwork yourself?"
        As they left the small cafe and entered the busy streets, they stepped aside from the door. Her mother nodded reassuringly. "Of course I'll take care of myself. That's something I should be saying to you, as you're traveling at such a young age." Her smile fades slightly as she locks eyes with her daughter. "You must also make a promise to me. You must promise me that you won't do anything dangerous, no matter what, and you must always stay safe wherever you go."
        Jisoo listened intently, before nodding her head. "I'm careful, mom."
        Her mother suddenly reached out and took her wrist, turning her arm enough to display a large, red scratch located on her forearm from falling when she was photographing Jaehyun. "You think I didn't see this?" Her mother asked, raising an eyebrow in dismay. "Don't let anyone push you around like this. You're small, but you should always stand your ground, and stand confidently. Okay?"
        Once more, Jisoo nodded.
        They both placed her mother's belongings into a taxi, before hopping in. The weather was dreary, which didn't help Jisoo's state as she looked over at her sick mother, knowing that as soon as she left her sight, she'd feel empty again. Her worries wouldn't fade, even though her mother told her to push them away and ignore them. She knew that life would be hard, no matter what her mother promised her.
        As the taxi slowed down in front of the airport doors, Jisoo took hold to her mother's arm. "Mom," her voice broke like shards of glass as she looked over at her. Immediately, her eyes brimmed with tears, causing her throat to burn as she tried to hold back the painful urge. "I love you."
        Her mother's eyes become glossy as she looks into her daughter's eyes, filled with pain, and sadness, and fear. Clutching her arm, she grins wearily. "I love you more, sweetheart."
        After a few moments passed, they both gathered all of her mother's things, before walking into the airport. Her mother stops in her tracks, turning her luggage so she can handle it easier. Her eyes flicker up to meet Jisoo's, and she releases a soft sigh. "Good luck, Soo. I'll continue to root for you from afar, and I'll always be proud of you."
        Jisoo reminisces in her mother's presence, listening to her voice, which she found beautiful. "Please remember what I asked of you."
        "I remember," her mother smiles, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I won't ignore your request, because I know how important it is to you. I trust that you'll follow mine as well?"
        Jisoo pulls her mom into a hug, clutching her tightly. "Of course."
        "I'll see you soon, Soo. I love you." Her mother pulls away after her flight as been called. "I have to go now. I'll call you when I get home."
        Jisoo watched as her mother turned her back on her and walked away, leaving her standing alone in the middle of the shiny floor. Her heart begins to ache as her eyes follow her mother's body disappearing behind one of the doors. No longer in sight, a loneliness suddenly consumes Jisoo's body, causing her legs to feel weak. She's frozen in the same position, physically unable to move.
        Tears stream down her cheeks like a waterfall. Individuals attempting to make it to their flights on time rush past her as if she didn't even exist.
         Suddenly, Jisoo felt like nothing was okay. The world started to turn black and dark as she kept staring at that door, the realization that her mother wouldn't return setting in. She understood that there was nothing she could do to solve this problem, but endure it. She would have to soon endure the loss of someone that meant more to her than she did herself. She would have to endure a world where her mother didn't exist any longer, and there would no longer be a safe place she could call home. There would only be an empty house, vacant from any source of family, or love.
        As difficult as it was, she had to return to the hotel to do what she needed to do.
        Jisoo returned to her apartment, and began packing. She placed clothes into her suitcase one by one. Her hand froze as she felt something cold under one of her shirts. Slowly, she grasped the item and pulled it out. A tightness in her chest left her feeling short of breath as her eyes scanned over her mother's wedding ring, laying in the palm of her hand. As if her tears were unlimited, she started to cry as she looked down at it.
"Jisoo," her mother said softly. Jisoo looked over, her eyes locking with her mother's. The sunset reflected in her soft, brown eyes. "Whenever I leave you, whatever time it may be, I want you to have this," her mother held out her hand and displayed her wedding ring. "Your father told me before he left for Germany, that he hoped he would be able to see you when you grew up. I hope that's true."
        Her mother smiled. "He's a good man, Jisoo."
        Jisoo's smile that once proudly sat on her lips had faded away. She looked to the ocean with gleamy eyes, the sun's orange hue shining brightly like a firefly in the dark summer night. She hesitated to respond, for she didn't know exactly what to say.
        "Why are you telling me this?" She finally managed.
        Her mother smiled again, and she squinted her eyes under the bright horizon. "Because one day, you'll be an adult, like I am. Life will be much harder than it is now, especially when you're in tough places along the way, and you don't know what to do. You'll sometimes be lost, and that's okay." Jisoo blinked, listening to her. "But I want you to know that even in the hardest of times, you'll be fine."
        Jisoo slightly chuckled. "Isn't that something every parent tells their child?"
        Her mother watched her for a moment, her smile beginning to leave her lips as they parted. "Maybe," she spoke in a whisper. "But when I say it, I mean it. You're the strongest little girl I know."
        Her fingers wrapped around the ring as she clenched her hand into a fist, holding it close to her. The memories began filling her mind of times that her mother would inform her about the fear of her future, and how she would always be fine. Her head started to feel light, but she knew that she had to finish packing so she could get the hotel at the right time.
        She finished placing everything inside and zipped the sides, before sitting it by her bed.
        A thud erupted from her door, causing her to jump. "Sorry," Miley apologized, walking closer to Jisoo. She stepped towards her, before pulling her into a hug unexpectedly. Jisoo remained silent, slowly hugging her back as she began to speak. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you."
        Miley's voice was shuddering nervously, and Jisoo knew that she wasn't very good at comforting others. However, it didn't matter what she said, for Jisoo only needed her best friend's presence to feel her condolences.
        Pulling away, Miley smiled sympathetically. "I'll be here when you get back to take you to the airport. Until then, be careful, okay?"
        Jisoo nodded compliantly. "I will."
        She gathered her camera, mask, and beanie, and then left.
        Johnny stepped over to the mirror on the wall of his hotel room, running his hand through his hair. As he gazed to the room behind him in the reflection, something caught his eye from the bed sheets. When he turned around, he noticed that Jaehyun's necklace was laying there.
        He suddenly saw Jisoo's face in his mind, defending Jaehyun. It's okay, really. I would do the same thing if I was angry. Don't bother him, seriously. I have to go, but don't say anything to him. His eyes narrowed down at the chain. He wondered why she seemed so fearful.
        Jaehyun appeared from the bathroom, a blank expression on his face. Johnny's eyes fluttered from the chain to Jaehyun, where he watched him for a moment. He adjusted his sweater on his frame, before stopping as he realized Johnny was watching him. He stammered to speak. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
     He took a few steps towards Jaehyun, reaching down to pick up the necklace. When Jaehyun's eyes found Johnny's, he remained silent, watching Johnny hold it up in front of him. "I didn't mean to be harsh," Jaehyun said quickly, before taking the necklace from his hand, and hooking it around his neck. "I was just sick and tired of everyone's shit, okay? I didn't mean to take it out on some random chick."
    Johnny watched him with pain in his eyes. He blinked a few times, pressing his lips together. "It's not just some random chick," he opposed. "It's not just this once that you've acted like this. It's all the times that you've yelled at us, or yelled at someone you don't even know. It's all the times you've acted like the world is out to get you and you're the only person on your side. It's all the times that you've pushed the other members' feelings and opinions to the side because they don't matter to you anymore. It's all the times that you've acted like this.." Johnny's expression is consumed with defeat and sadness. Only after he had stopped did he realize how loud his voice had grown.
    He noticed Jaehyun's gaze fall to the floor as he folded his lips. Lowering his voice, he continued. "You used to love this."
       This caught Jaehyun's attention as he looked up from the ground. "You used to smile when you were with us, and laugh at our jokes and enjoy our company. You used to want us around. But now? You barely speak to us and when you do, it's forced." Johnny cleared his throat, feeling his voice break down as he expressed how he felt. "You used to stay with us. Now you avoid us and I haven't seen you laugh in years. What happened?"
    Jaehyun raised his eyes to see Johnny watching him with glossy eyes. Johnny couldn't decipher Jaehyun's expression as he watched him for several moments, his chest rising and falling quickly. Jaehyun could feel his chest tightening as his lips parted. "What happened? You want to know what happened? Life happened."
    Johnny frowned, listening to him and avoiding interrupting him. He could tell by the way Jaehyun spoke that he wasn't finished. "Everything you think you know about me... it's not true."
    "What are you talking about?" Johnny asked nervously.
    Jaehyun watched Johnny for a few seconds, before sarcastically chuckling. "You don't know what it's like to be a failure," he took a step closer to Johnny, leaning towards him slightly. "To be hated by your own parents, constantly being told you're not going to amount to anything, and you're only a waste of space. You don't know what it's like because your parents love you, just like everyone else's. Everyone's family is fine. Everyone in this group has their support; that's why they're all happy."
    At this point, Jaehyun's eyes were glossy as he breathed unevenly across from Johnny, who watched him in shock. Johnny tried to speak, to say anything, but no words could form to leave his lips. He watched his friend, standing across from him, vulnerably opening up to him as his emotions took grasp on his voice. Johnny had never seen this side of Jaehyun, but although it wasn't a happy side, he was grateful to see it finally. He felt as if Jaehyun trusted him, at least a little, with this delicate information.
       "Why haven't you told us?"
       "What would you have done?" Jaehyun interrupted him as soon as the words left Johnny's lips. "What could you or any of the guys possibly do? Say you're sorry and that everything will be okay? I think I know exactly what you all would've said. That's why you haven't known. But you do now, so are you happy?"
       Jaehyun started to walk past Johnny, before he felt Johnny's hand clutched tightly around his forearm. Looking over at him, he folded his lips together, waiting for him to say something. Johnny's narrowed eyes flickered across Jaehyun's. "It doesn't matter what we would've said. What matters is that you didn't trust us enough to tell us. Especially me."
       Jaehyun inhaled sharply, pulling his arm away from Johnny's grasp.
       "We've been friends since we were ten. I've been with you through everything, and you've never told me how you really feel." Johnny said. Jaehyun pulled back at this, scoffing. "You think it was easy?!"
       Johnny shook his head. "No," he spoke honestly. "But I would like to think that we're close enough to eventually be honest with each other."
       Memories filled Jaehyun's mind of his parents arguing about his career choices and his passions. He could begin to picture his mother. "Jaehyun, What has gotten into you? You can't be serious, singing isn't what you want." She would say as she leaned over the kitchen sink, cleaning dishes. Jaehyun would lean against the countertop and sigh, "I think I know what I want, mom."
       "Well, I don't want to hear it anymore. You're smarter than that. Why don't you stop being ridiculous and think about a more realistic career?" Her words echoed in his mind as he listened respectively to her. "Don't tell me you're seriously thinking of embarrassing this family in such ways?"
       "I was just a disappointment to them. My brother was always their favorite. He made all the right choices and lived the best life. Nothing he ever did was wrong, and I couldn't compare to him.." Jaehyun explained, before shrugging. "My dreams and goals were silly and childish."
       Johnny watched Jaehyun back away from him, turning his face away. The room suddenly felt more comfortable, and Johnny felt a corner of his mouth raise as he stepped closer to his friend. "Jaehyun," he laid his hand on his shoulder, catching his full attention. "I know it's difficult to live with the fact that you're not going by what your parents want, but look at you. I mean, if your dreams were silly and childish, maybe that's what it means to have a dream."
       Jaehyun watched him with a neutral expression as he continued. "There's so many people that really do care for you and are proud of you. Even though it's hard to bare that they felt that way about your life choices, you should focus on the world around you and how many people recognize your talent. You're the only you out there, and that's something special that no one can take from you."
       For the first time in years, Johnny witnessed Jaehyun smile softly as he stepped closer, closing the gap between them and hugging Johnny tightly. Johnny surprisingly raised his eyebrows at this unfamiliar feeling, but soon hugged his friend back, a huge smile spread across his lips. They hadn't hugged in ages, and though it wasn't but for a few seconds, Johnny felt a warm feeling erupt in his chest.