angela

twelve

"here is your money." i mumbled giving the 200 dollars to zac. he frowned, grabbing the money.

"why? what happened?" he sat up straight on my bed and i sighed.

"i like him, okay?" i plopped my body down on the mattress, hiding my face with my hands. "i like him but i don't want to like him."

i felt zac shifting closer to me, and then, he grabbed my hands to look at me. "tell me what's going on." he said.

"i like david, but i can't be with him, like, god, it's so frustrating!" i exclaimed and zac gave my hand a light squeeze. "i know him for a month and a half and i already developed feelings for him." i laughed sarcastically. "how pathetic is that?" zac shook his head, but i stopped him, continuing to talk. "we are friends for a month, and i'm already trying to ruin it." my eyes were burning because of the tears. "we are not going to last, we are not going to work out as a couple, because we are two different people, he's so outgoing, so... him, with his goofy smile and his messy hair." i took a deep breath. "he's a celebrity and i'm a nobody, i would never fit in his world, i would only be trouble for him and everyone." zac tried to interrupt me another time, but i, again, cut him off. "and there's matt... you know how much he means to me, how much i love him and care about him, right?" he nodded. "i would put him in an awkward situation if things didn't work for me and david, and i will never do that to him, i know how much he loves everyone, if i tried to be with david it would be so... selfish."

zac waited a few seconds before he could ask: "can i talk now?" i nodded, giving him the tiniest smile ever. "you worry too much angela, like oh my god, i don't think half the things you're worrying about will happen if you kissed him." he rolled his eyes. "you have to try it, if it means that you will talk to him about your worries, then do it! or if you think it will help, talk to matt."

this was really confusing and so overwhelming. sometimes i just couldn't take it, i needed to talk to my friends, because, god, i was suffocating.

i took another deep breath. "can we please change the subject?" i pouted. zac chuckled and started to talk about his work after, noticing that i just really needed to let that out, and not hear his advices right now.

i listened to him for about half an hour until he made me text matt, asking him to come over.

angie👼: come over?

matt💛: be there in 20

zac really wanted to hear what we were going to talk about, but i managed to kick him out before matt arrived. i stayed in bed, looking at my ceiling. i only stopped it, when i heard the front door opening. matt was here, since only a few people knew that my door was always unlocked, or because he just used the spare i gave to him. "hey, are you okay?" he asked stepping closer.

i stretched my hand grabbing his so he could lay by my side. he took off his shoes before doing so. "i just need to talk to you for a second." i mumbled and he nodded. "i love you, like a lot, you're the most important person in my life, like... i couldn't handle losing you."

matt cut me off. "what are you trying to say?"

"i'm trying to say that... i care about your opinion, i care if my actions have consequences in your life, do you understand?" he nodded again. "and with that, i want to know if you mind about me and david." matt frowned while i tried to explain. "i'm scared that we are not going to work out and that it will affect your friendship with him."

"oh!" he exclaimed, knowing now what i was trying to say. "did you guys kiss or something?"i shook my head. "then why are you asking?"

"we almost kissed three times, but i chickened out, because i don't think me and david will work out, and it will be an awkward situation for you two."

"oh my god, angie." he laughed and rubbed my arm. "don't worry about that! i'm pretty sure that, if things don't work out, david will manage to still be your friend because he's just... like that." i nodded, not really trusting his words. "and you didn't try anything, how can you be so sure that it won't work out?"

i sighed, resting my head on his chest. "because you know me, and you know him, we are so different, it just won't last."

"angela, that doesn't mean anything."matt took a deep breath.

"and he's famous, i don't fit in this world and you know it." i continued not caring about his previous words.

"okay, listen to me," he gripped my hand, intertwining our fingers. "i'm kind of famous too, and you manage pretty well being my friend, like, people always see you in my family pictures, asking if we are dating." he tried to argue, but i shook my head.

"it's different, it's not the same. being the best friend and being the love interest are just two different things." i murmured.

"people will respect you, if that's what you're worrying about." i tried to protest, but he cut me off again. "please, try, try before you say anything."

i sighed and looked at him. "i will."

"do you promise me that you will?" he squeezed my hand.

"i promise you." i assured him.

"i know that you're worried because of what i said before you met them." i hummed. "i wasn't being serious you know? i don't care if you date any of them, and i know other people that has their eyes on you." i sat up straight.

"ew, who?" i almost laughed, but decided to keep my disgusted face.

"jeff thinks you're hot." i widened my eyes and matt giggled.

"he's hot too, but, uh, yeah, tell him i'm not interested." i laid back on his chest. 

we kept talking for the rest of the night, just us laughing while he shared some of his stories. i already knew all of them, but i liked to hear them if that meant i was going to spend more time with my best friend. 

i was way more relieved that night when i laid down on my bed to get some sleep, knowing that half of my worries weren't necessary. it felt good to talk to matthew, to hear his advices. it was even better to hear from zac that i was crazy and didn't need to be so worried all the time, because i knew that, both of them, were always right. now, i was aware of how different i was from david, but i didn't really care, because i was going to try to manage it. i want to be with him, i like him, and it won't be healthy for me to keep denying it. 

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stream lights up by harry styles :).